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Just give it up, y'all...we aren't going to change how he thinks & it really is exhausting reading all these long drawn out posts which amount to no more than pis sing in the wind,
- October 26th, 2008, 12:40 am
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In my 20's and 30's, I had alot of trouble with the gentle 'no' cuz a lot of guys just wouldn't give up. ANY friendliness I exhibited was quickly construed as a new 'come on'. It was SOOO frustrating, cuz I was just being 'me'. I'd get 'pushed' AGAIN to 'date'. And I'd have to get 'tougher' and say 'NO, but thanks very much'. Life would go on, and they'd push again. I'd say 'NO! Thank you'' , I used to hate how that would make ME feel cuz it was pushing me into a zone of anger. I didn't like being forced to be mean, which is what would happen cuz they just couldn't 'take the hint' that I didn't want to 'date' them.


To be honest, it's not much different now. I'll say, 'no, thanks' and they still PUSH.


What's WITH THAT????


Ironically, the ones who don't PUSH are the ones I really do want to see again ...


.... sigh ....


p.s. MN, I would NEVER 'date' you cuz you come across as such a whiny and arrogant needy weener. And, please, kindly refrain from another long diatribe about how you are so misunderstood and hated. No one is ever gonna love you until you learn to love your Self.








- October 26th, 2008, 07:20 am
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pinz wrote :

In my 20's and 30's, I had alot of trouble with the gentle 'no' cuz a lot of guys just wouldn't give up. ANY friendliness I exhibited was quickly construed as a new 'come on'. It was SOOO frustrating, cuz I was just being 'me'. I'd get 'pushed' AGAIN to 'date'. And I'd have to get 'tougher' and say 'NO, but thanks very much'. Life would go on, and they'd push again. I'd say 'NO! Thank you'' , I used to hate how that would make ME feel cuz it was pushing me into a zone of anger. I didn't like being forced to be mean, which is what would happen cuz they just couldn't 'take the hint' that I didn't want to 'date' them.


To be honest, it's not much different now. I'll say, 'no, thanks' and they still PUSH.


What's WITH THAT????


Ironically, the ones who don't PUSH are the ones I really do want to see again ...
And this is why, guys, when you ask a woman out, she'll very often say anything that sounds like "yes" but doesn't actually mean "yes."


"Sure, I'd love to go, but I'm busy doing 'x' that night." (Note that no alternative date is proposed. She doesn't want to date you.)


"I'd love to go, but I need to check my schedule. Can I get back to you?" (You'll almost certainly never hear from her again.)


"I'd love to. Could you call the night before and confirm?" (Some women mean this sincerely. Most will never pick up the phone on the 'confirmation night', or will suddenly have an 'emergency they can't get out of'. And they won't propose an alternative night, and their schedule has become completely packed for the next month.)


"I'd love to go. You'll pick me up at seven? Sounds great!" That means yes.


Anything that sounds like "yes" and doesn't actually, specifically mean "yes", including date, time, and place, is almost certainly a "no".


And guys, for all the reasons that Pinz has outlined above, we have nobody to blame for this state of affairs but ourselves. Other guys have hounded women for "Why not?" answers, or just couldn't take "No thanks" for an answer, until they feel like if they don't "almost" say yes just to get rid of you, they're in for the spanish inquisition.


If a woman says, "No thanks," just take the answer as it is and go. The odds you'll actually turn "no" into a "yes" by pressing are somewhere between 'none' and 'snowball in the hot place.' Trying just annoys the women and makes you look like a desperate fool. And also makes dating that much more difficult for the next guy. Who will be you, with some other woman.
- October 26th, 2008, 07:50 am
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GP, yes, but here's the problem. It's called 'Sales 101'.


'No' CAN turn into 'maybe' and then even a 'yes' ... with dogged persistence.


Someone who is persistent CAN eventually make 'the sale'.


We've all seen it work in business.


Likewise, a woman CAN be 'wooed' ...


Perhaps that is the operative word ... 'wooed' ...


Meaning, any guy can ask a girl out ... WHY she should go out will be dependent on how she perceives the 'stranger' and how he has treated her thus far ... It's the 'pre-date' wooing that 's gonna make or break her accepting 'a date' ... imho.


p.s. I think that's one of my pet peeves about the whole 'on-line' dating scene. I's so artificially structured. The 'theory' is that you'll 'see' each other (thru a photo), 'open communication' and chat for a bit before 'a date', (or else get 'closed', or worse, 'poofed'). The 'effort' by either party is so miniscule, really, and the pickings so numerous that it all becomes a self-centred game to 'maximize your returns' by 'playing the numbers' of putting up an 'alluring photo', writing engaging posts and striking when the moment seems opportune. It's much more 'self orientated' then 'other orientated'. There's no real 'wooing' of a woman involved.


That's why there are so many 'duds' when a 'date' is finally arranged, cuz clearly the carefully crafted virtual persona and the every day real persona are not quite the same. All the genuine nuance of character, the speed of thought and conversations, the actual physicality of real and attractive sensuality are lost 'on line' where everything is so edited, or 'cut & pasted'.


A flesh and blood guy tells quite a different 'story' about his Self and woos VERY differently then a man presenting his Self thru a keyboard over the internet. Women, if they can differentiate, do 'judge' accordingly.


To get 'a date' over the internet isn't really a 'date' at all. 'Dating' doesn't really BEGIN until she has an opportunity to SEE and HEAR the man in REAL TIME & SPACE. Otherwise, it's just 'jumping the gun' and amplifying an already artificially constructed on-line 'interaction'. Guys will know when 'the date' is successful when she does agree to SEE and HEAR more, ie. the 2nd date for him, which is actually THE FIRST date for her ...


I think it can work this way in reverse too, yet few are really willing to SAY it like IT IS.


Wadja think? Anyone?


[Edit: additional remark & p.s.]





- October 26th, 2008, 08:07 am
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sabete2002 sabete2002 is offline
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ManekiNeko wrote :

Glider_Pilot wrote :


Quite a bit


At least I gave it a shot to write a better post to you, and that should be respected.


1-4 are correct the way you have it phrased.


5 is about 90% correct. It's given me a lot of insight as to the way women think in general because someone actually had the balls to ask them, for a change. The program is about as genuinely funny as a hairpin turn on a mountain road, so what is the purpose of this show?


6) Optimists all think alike, like post-lobotomy subjects.
What would you know about how optimists think?
- October 26th, 2008, 09:38 am
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sabete2002 wrote :


What would you know about how optimists think?


Over 25 years of optimists and positive people telling me how to think while beating the royal sh*t out of me, or mistreating me in other ways, and I'm supposed to think like them.


-------------------------------------------


pinz wrote :
p.s. MN, I would NEVER 'date' you cuz you come across as such a whiny and arrogant needy weener. And, please, kindly refrain from another long diatribe about how you are so misunderstood and hated. No one is ever gonna love you until you learn to love your Self.


Fine. I'll keep this short. People like you are part of the problem. How's that? Obnoxious, intolerant, abusive brats who mistreat good people for not being identical clones of you, then when they have enough balls to fire back at you, you tell them they have to work on their attitude. I hope you look in the mirror and realize your hypocrisy.


------------------------------------------


peg099 wrote :
Is that really how you would describe GP?

Not until the last post. I made a genuine effort to be civilized. I re-wrote entire paragraphs to sound significantly less abrasive, I actually stopped myself from how I really felt, I even mentioned where I heard the "die alone" phrase from, for the first time, and what was the response? "Oh, you're just repeating what you said beforehand.". He didn't even mention I was being less abrasive. Bullcrap. I gave it my all, and that wasn't good enough. For optimists, it has to be all-or-nothing. You either agree with them 100% of the time like a mind-numbed robot or something's wrong with you.


Positive people are not like the society in 1984. They ARE the society in 1984.


And I'll re-write point #1 -- a "neutral" attitude doesn't exist. Neutral is a gear in a car that no one uses. But let's say for the point of argument that it did exist. I don't think it would be good enough for the overwhelming plurality of optimists.
- October 26th, 2008, 01:49 pm
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sabete2002 sabete2002 is offline
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ManekiNeko wrote :

sabete2002 wrote :


What would you know about how optimists think?


Over 25 years of optimists and positive people telling me how to think while beating the royal sh*t out of me, or mistreating me in other ways, and I'm supposed to think like them.


-------------------------------------------


pinz wrote :
p.s. MN, I would NEVER 'date' you cuz you come across as such a whiny and arrogant needy weener. And, please, kindly refrain from another long diatribe about how you are so misunderstood and hated. No one is ever gonna love you until you learn to love your Self.


Fine. I'll keep this short. People like you are part of the problem. How's that? Obnoxious, intolerant, abusive brats who mistreat good people for not being identical clones of you, then when they have enough balls to fire back at you, you tell them they have to work on their attitude. I hope you look in the mirror and realize your hypocrisy.


------------------------------------------


peg099 wrote :
Is that really how you would describe GP?

Not until the last post. I made a genuine effort to be civilized. I re-wrote entire paragraphs to sound significantly less abrasive, I actually stopped myself from how I really felt, I even mentioned where I heard the "die alone" phrase from, for the first time, and what was the response? "Oh, you're just repeating what you said beforehand.". He didn't even mention I was being less abrasive. Bullcrap. I gave it my all, and that wasn't good enough. For optimists, it has to be all-or-nothing. You either agree with them 100% of the time like a mind-numbed robot or something's wrong with you.


Positive people are not like the society in 1984. They ARE the society in 1984.


And I'll re-write point #1 -- a "neutral" attitude doesn't exist. Neutral is a gear in a car that no one uses. But let's say for the point of argument that it did exist. I don't think it would be good enough for the overwhelming plurality of optimists.
You really are something. People offer help and advice and you slap them down at every touch and turn, even to the point of insulting them. Then you get annoyed when you are called on those insults.


Good luck, ManekiNeko. Maybe your namesake will provide the luck you really need. I'm done.
- October 26th, 2008, 02:51 pm
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sabete2002 wrote :

You really are something. People offer help and advice and you slap them down at every touch and turn, even to the point of insulting them. Then you get annoyed when you are called on those insults.


Good luck, ManekiNeko. Maybe your namesake will provide the luck you really need. I'm done.
Oh, you're so right... I mean let's look at the "advice" I've gotten on these wonderful boards:


pinz wrote :
p.s. MN, I would NEVER 'date' you cuz you come across as such a whiny and arrogant needy weener.

Yep -- there's a major league confidence booster. I should take that out in the world and tattoo it on my head. Hey, maybe I can put that on my Eharmony profile. I wonder how well that would work.


"Get A Better Attitude" -- and where do I do that? The Circuit City? Is it between the MP3 players and the Plasma Screen TV's? I already admitted it: I don't know how. Why is this so hard to accept? That a person may genuinely not know. It's not a choice.


"Seek Counseling/ Get Help" -- this is beautiful. This assumes three things:
1) $140 an hour is going to magically fall out of the sky.
2) That this will actually work instead of me spending time and money effortlessly.

The third one is more an assessment on the individuals that assume that about me than anyone else:


3) That you have NFI what to do with me.


"Believe in yourself". I just SHOWED you what trying to be more positive can do. I wrote out a post that was the most positive I've ever written, but that wasn't good enough for any of you. I had to be 100% "perfect" by your standards. That is unattainable to all except for a few mind-numbed robots.


So forgive me, but I did make an effort and that's why I got pissed off at the person who gave me advice, because no matter of actual effort is acceptable. You have to be PERFECT. The last person who was perfect got hung on a cross 2,000 years ago, and I ain't about to hold myself to that standard.


I'm sorry, but the phrase "practice what you preach" means something. When a person makes a serious effort, it should be dually noted. I understand this means nothing to the Orwellian people who hold this perfect standard to everyone.
- October 26th, 2008, 06:17 pm
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To answer the oriiginal question, "I'm flattered, but I'm sorry I'm not interested" was always the easiest rejection for me to hear. It may be hard for you to say it, but look at it this way, it was hard for him to ask in the first place.
- October 26th, 2008, 08:01 pm
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japaneseblueeyes wrote :

So how did you decide to do it?
Found out he was married so it took care of itself.
- October 26th, 2008, 09:20 pm
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