MY HIGH MAINTENANCE MAN


The last man I dated was very successful professionally, intelligent, creativeand was handsome. He was also dependable, helpful and had many admirable qualities. HOWEVER, he constantly needed reassurance both verbally and physicallythat I was attracted to him and that I wanted to be with him He groveledin and obsessed overhis own irrational feelings of inadequacyand would drag me into long drawn out analyzing conversations about our "relationship" insisting that there must have been something that happened to ME in my past to cause me to not be able to feel for him in return what he called "passion."


I tried to "talk" with him many, many times over the course of the months we dated to see if he could accept my affections because he did have so many other attractive qualities. In the end it got to the point he made my skin crawl and he fulfilled his own prophecy. I was no longer attracted to him and did not want to be with him.


I broke up with him six months ago. I did it bravely and explained to him in person that I was not happy in our relationship. I wished him well and said goodbye. I had been telling him for weeks in our "talks" that I was feeling smothered by him. So it should not have been a surprise to him.


He stalked me for many weeks. He called and emailed many, many times a day. I did not take his calls, I did not reply to his emails and when he showed up at my house I told him (from the other side of my locked door) he was frightening me and to leave or I would call the police. I did call the police to prove to him that I meant what I said on a few occassions. NOTHING deterred him. Thankfully, he has slowed down and now I receive emails only occassionally which hecomposes and sendsin the wee hours of the morning when he should be sleeping - still obsessing and trying to convince with his "loving" words or persuade with guilt or threaten with eternal damnation for me give "us" another chance.


This is a true story and an extreme case but I have learned some valuable lessons and one is that I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH A "HIGH MAINTENANCE" MAN. I completely understand what one means when they refer to emotional high maintenance. It's repulsive and the next time a guy says to me HE wants to have "the talk" I will probably "poof." Ick.