The Top 5 Male Turnoffs

The Top 5 Male Turnoffs

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The Top 5 Male Turnoffs


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MiShellyMichelle is offline MiShellyMichelle Post #41  December 20,2007, 4:25am
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I agree with everything in the article except the chivalry part of number four. I guess I'm just more traditional, but I still believe in men and women having some 'roles' in dating. Not to say that I don't do or buy things for the man I'm dating, but I guess for me even that is more traditional in the way of baking and/or cooking for him... or buying something small that he likes 'just because'. I would like to add one thing to the list of 'turn offs'... people who don't read your online profile. I find a lot of men look at my pics and the first few stats... and when they don't read down and see that I tell them I've got a 17-year-old daughter that I adopted (there is only 10 years age difference)... well they're shocked and don't call/e-mail back after that. It would be nice if everyone would actually read what is written, since I write it in my profile to keep from there being a huge shock. ;-)
 
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Trish1970 is offline Trish1970 Post #42  December 20,2007, 5:34am
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What an interesting debate. I would have to say that general rules are not for everyone. How many times have you looked at 2 people together and said I just don't get it, but they've been together for years? It happens all the time. We see relationships that make no sense to us, but is the perfect relationship for someone else. For some men a woman that wants to be taken care of in every way is just the girl for them, but for another a powerful, organized, "take the bull by the horn" kind of woman is the one they need. The world is full of different people with different needs. Isn't this what makes finding the "right" person such a process?

"Honesty" would be key for everyone involved. Of course, that would be true in any part of life not just in dating. Being yourself would be another key to success. Eventually, if it works out with the person, your true self will come out. If you kept the "true you" hidden in the beginning, then the person they fell for isn't really you. Don't we all want someone to love us for who we are flaws and all? Just as we shouldn't try to change a person to fit us, we shouldn't change ourselves to fit what someone else wants. In the end no one wins this way. Let your hair down, sweat a little, make mistakes and be yourself! This is how we learn about each other.

Good luck to all in the search for the "right" mate!!!
 
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Ltlewonder is offline Ltlewonder Post #43  December 20,2007, 6:36am
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Like my father always said "Let him chase her till she catches him"!!
 
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Nice As New is offline Nice As New Post #44  December 20,2007, 7:07am
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the same things that are disappointments to men are also disappointments to me as a woman. games are cute but at the appropriate time. paying for dinner dates and outside entertainment, i do expect my male date to handle because when he visits me at my home, everything is freely provided to him during the course of his visit. in a way the cost balance out. i enjoy arranging things to do that we both may enjoy, however I do want input so that the activity is meaningful for the both of us. protected sex is apparent if it is introduced at the right time. last but not least being able to conversate freely about every aspect of our individual lives is part of getting to know the person and helping us to decide if the one on one contact should continue.
 
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ladybug426 is offline ladybug426 Post #45  December 20,2007, 7:08am
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At the beginning I generally anticipate that the man is going to pay (and most men I've dated have done so), but I usually view it as the one who extends the invitation should pay, not that they 'owe' me or anything, but rather that they are inviting me out with the expectation that they will pay for the evening. After a few dates, I have no trouble extending invitations and paying accordingly (or treating in some fashion...i.e. cooking dinner, etc) or we'll share the expense of the evening (one buys dinner, the other gets the movie tix).
I think people are confusing chivalry with willingness to open one's wallet. To me, chivalry is polite, respectful behavior on both parties' parts - he opens the door, I say Thank you, etc. With so many women responding rudely to polite behavior, it's no wonder that men don't know what to do any more! I am a competent, self sufficient woman and do not take offense when someone holds a door for me (I don't interpret it as a slight to me, but a compliment).
Overall, the article seemed to basically be common knowledge, but the posts after were pretty interesting.
 
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moonflower33 is offline moonflower33 Post #46  December 20,2007, 7:24am
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Ok Ladies, just a note on the whole thing about whether a man should pay, how HE should pursue the woman, meet HER needs, etc, etc. - I had the great experience of hearing feedback from a panel of men in a very special seminar that I went to, called "Celebrating Men, satisfying Women." It is fabulous in helping women understand men, why they are the way they are, how we do not need to change them in order to have happy relationships. The information presented has been compiled by Allison Armstrong, who has researched men for over 16 years - and it is invaluable! Check it out if you want to learn about men, and how to have fabulous relationship with any man - boyfriend, husband, son, boss, employee etc! Anyway, at the very end of the seminar, a panel of men come in, and they answer questions they have been given beforehand, that the women have witten down. I was struck by the comments made by one man in the group - he said that he is very tired of women who show up with their checklist of things the man should be or have, do not expect to pay for anything, and spend the date determining if he is good enough for them. He said "What do YOU have to offer a man? I think it's time that women started to realize that it's not just about whether the man fulfills them, but a woman should think about what SHE has to bring to the relationship as well." I think he has a great point! Times are different, and mutual give and take is essential for a mutually satisfying relationship.

I am currently in a wonderful relationship with a man who adores me - and I think it's because I know how to relate to him in a way that empowers and satisfies BOTH of us. (I'm not active in e Harmony anymore, but enjoy reading this newsletter!) By the way, he paid for the first two dates, then I treated him! and he loved that.

Good luck to all of you out there!
 
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kdagain is offline kdagain Post #47  December 20,2007, 7:24am
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You know, it's interesting to read these replys from both women and men. I've been struggling with the "rules" of dating for so long now. But honestly - I don't mind paying my way. But, if I'm looking at this man as a man and a potential partner - I want to be treated like a woman, I want to know that he is financially responsible and wants to treat me. And one way he can show that is by paying the check in the beginning of our relationship. Once you're in and committed then a typical - you pay for dinner, I'll pay for the movies is expected. Now can I got to Ireland - please!!
 
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Julieann is offline Julieann Post #48  December 20,2007, 7:33am
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On the subject of communication, I had an experience that impressed me a great deal. I had been involved with a man from eharmony for several months. We lived a long distance apart and had only spent a week in each other's company. The distance was becoming frustrating, and we ended up having a heated phone conversation. At one point in the conversation, I found myself feeling that it was impossible and pointless to even talk anymore. I didn't say that--- I just quit talking. After a few seconds, he very quietly said "I'm listening". That was exactly what I needed to hear. Maybe it's what most non-communicating women need to hear.
 
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Sarita is offline Sarita Post #49  December 20,2007, 7:36am
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Thank you, eHarmony! These points about turnoffs are spot on, and really, they go both ways. All relationships ~ romantic or otherwise, deserve and require the respect and mutual consideration that are indicated in this articles comments. In general we have become too off balance and 'me' oriented.

At least in my book, we are blessed with so much abundance of good in our lives, regardless of our circumstances, and we can only fully appreciate that if we are willing to see it and generate more blessings, in our lives and in others.

Love and Happy Solstice to all!

Sarita
 
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JenniferL is offline JenniferL Post #50  December 20,2007, 7:53am
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my question is regarding "Honesty". I believe I am a very honest person and I do not have any problem sharing most parts of my life with the people I meet, but there are parts of my life that I would not feel ok about sharing with a person until I have gotten to a point of being able to trust them enough to share this, so do you concider this non-sharing to be non-honest? And then once this information is given do you then walk away accusing me of not being honest in the first place? I am now asking for your honest opinion.
 
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