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captainbackfire captainbackfire is offline
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I'm not sure where they got these. Although, I do agree with flakiness being #1 and I also appreciate a few other posts (both male and female, I'm sure) commenting about inaccurate photos (online dating pet-peeve).
- December 13th, 2007, 11:30 am
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Sarah Sarah is offline
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Good article and I wouldn't like these traits in men. I have to say that women get accused of being passive agressive but in my experience, I've met and dated men who were passive aggressive. In fact, because a lot of men lack good communication skills, meaning that when it comes to discussing controversal topics or topics that are hot buttons in the relationship, they'd rather "act out" than discuss it with their significant other. They'd go hang out with the guys, ignore her, deliberatly act in a hurtful manner so as to drive a wedge in the relationship, they'd do just about anything rather than have a straight conversation, they'd even flake out on the relationship. Often women will go along with something even if they have mixed feelings about it because they care for the guy and they put the guy's feelings above their own, but when it's not reciprocated by the guy, then that's where the problem comes in and that's when the woman get's upset. Say if a woman didn't really feel like going to some event with a guy she'd rather do something else, but she put her feelings aside because she loves this guy he asked her to do it, and she did, then later on she asks this guy to do something for her, and he tells her he has other plans, that's when she get's angry. Guys don't see that side of it, immediately they'll think the woman is being passive agressive because she did something she didn't really want to do. They won't think about the fact that maybe she was acting in a selfless manner because she loved him and they won't think about the fact that they don't put themselves out there for her sake. I think women get a raw deal and are often unfairly accused of P.A. behavior when men are just as bad if not worse.
- December 13th, 2007, 02:33 pm
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beloved0000 beloved0000 is offline
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To all who posted a reply 2 me...tnx 4 ur comments, questions and criticisms. I will, however, choose 2 continue 2 wait it out 4 who n what I'm waiting 4. I just can't help but think that if chivalry is being pushed outta the picture, where does that leave our roles? It's all very vague 2 me. If a man wants 2 persue me and I'm interested, u better believe I'm gonna persue him back. If he treats me, u better believe he'll get treated in return. But up front, the 1st few dates I believe r up 2 him 2 do the persuing, paying, etc. Jesus came as a servant. Every man I know that has the kinda relationship w/his woman he desires, is a man that serves his woman 1st, w/o reservation. He just knows it's his place. U guys go ahead and do ur "modern" dating methods. I want someone who doesn't hafta think twice about whether or not he wants 2 be w/me. He's gonna knock my socks off persuing & impressing, finding great delight in anticipation of my response. And baby, I can't wait 2 respond!
- December 13th, 2007, 05:31 pm
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dreamingaway dreamingaway is offline
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Beloved, I totally agree with you. I guess I am still old fashioned and expect a man to pay for at least the first three dates. It's sad that people have to resort to saying things like, "No wonder you have been single for so long." You have to wonder then why are they on here?
- December 14th, 2007, 01:13 pm
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Emme Emme is offline
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I never expect a man to pay for a date. To me, it seems only fair to split the first date in particular. I'm a grown up. I have a good job and am secure enough to not need a guy to pay for me for everything. After the first date things usually get more flexible. Sometimes I pay, sometimes he pays. At movies I'll get the tickets and he get the popcorn or vice versa.
- December 14th, 2007, 08:28 pm
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I have to agree....I've tried the more "modern" dating methods and what you've done is established a relationship without respect and boundries. I have so much to give, and I'm not going to give it lightly. I'm in this for keeps, and the man I choose will know that I am giving him my heart & soul. Forever.
- December 15th, 2007, 10:29 am
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NancyG NancyG is offline
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Nah, I think that whoever issues the invitation should pay, unless it's specified up front that the costs will be shared (say, for an expensive concert or the like). I don't conflate "chivalry" with the man paying. Manners are not necessarily tied to the wallet. That being said, every time I've offered to pay my share, or get the tip, the offer has been politely refused. One guy told me, "Not this time. You can pay next time, when we go somewhere really expensive," and we both laughed. (and the "next time" turned out to be leftover pizza and a video at his place, at the cost of my heart. The most romantic date ever. I'm still smiling about it.)
- December 15th, 2007, 11:46 am
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jennif01 jennif01 is offline
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I think the type of dating methods that work best for you depend on the type of relationship you'd like to have. For example, if you want a relationship where you will have more 'traditional' gender roles, then the way you date and behave when dating should reflect that. Often generalities are made based on the majority (whether it is the actual majority or just the more vocal people). No need in debating which way is right, because no side will ever win :-)
Regarding the article, I think they make some good points, but I have this question for the fellas- is 'flakiness' as it is defined in the article really that bad? A girl can't postpone or cancel a date ever? Not for sickness or work (a deadline or something pressing)or anything? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
- December 16th, 2007, 06:06 pm
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BILLGOLF BILLGOLF is offline
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In reply to JENNIF01, My thoughts are there are times when a date should be cancelled or postponed but no one likes to have that happen if the other person gets a better offer, although they probably will use a better excuse. I guess most of us like a degree of consistency in relationship and being flaky may be more inconsistency than you want. Women do not have a monopoly on flakiness! The main idea is they, no matter how flaky, are honest with you, both men and women.
- December 17th, 2007, 06:28 am
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jennif01 jennif01 is offline
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Hi BillGolf, I agree and I hadn't even thought about cancelling being interpreted by the other person as getting a better offer.
- December 18th, 2007, 12:54 pm
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