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glamourgirl glamourgirl is offline
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I totally agree with some of your post. I want to be treated on the first few dates. On past dates I have picked up the tab, pay for a movie date or sometimes we split the tab. But what I've noticed with some guys that I've dated is, we all know that men have a BIG EGO. On two dates in particular when I decided to pick up the tab,(because he paid the tab on most of our dates), the guy got offended. His response was "baby I got this, you trying to make me look bad." I had to explain to him, that I wasn't trying to make him look bad. I just wanted to pay for our dinner, because he always gets the tab, I just wanted to return the favor. He got really pissed off, and I couldn't understand it. It a No-Win situation. YES, I want someone to be a MAN and pick up the tab for the first few dates. But, I do return the favor, because I don't want it to be one-sided. But when I do, it offends the man, and make them feel less of a man because of their EGO. What I'm I to do? Someone,anyone answer that for me.
- December 20th, 2007, 10:01 pm
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atristacat atristacat is offline
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I wish I had alot of money to play fair with my date... but the truth is on my income it will never be equal. I can make my man a sandwich, and give him a massage does that count?
- December 20th, 2007, 10:06 pm
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tishsuz tishsuz is offline
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I agree with the advice for both men and women, however, one important thing left out. It is when a person talks about marriage on a first date. I've met 2 men through this site and both were talking committment and marriage instantly. One kept telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life making me happy. After dating a man for a year, that would sound nice. On the first date, it scared me off quickly. Men and women, slow down. If it is mr/ms. right, there will be time.
- December 20th, 2007, 10:11 pm
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copperhead357 copperhead357 is offline
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Thank you VIOLA72 & SUMMER7027. I have matches that I haven't closed yet. We're talking 6 months and no reply. Or, you're e-mailing a guy for a few weeks and then suddenly, nothing. Please, please, please, just check a box and get it over with. I'd rather have a man be honest with me and say I just don't think this is going to work than to have no reply. Come on men get some backbone we won't crumble into a million little pieces. As for the article, I totally agree. No one would want to date anyone like that, male or female. I'm from the old school. I want to be treated like a lady. Let me know that you want to be with me. It truly is the little things, not the big things.
- December 20th, 2007, 10:33 pm
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BigTime99 BigTime99 is offline
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You know, there aren't many women here saying "thank you for the advice," and too many people trying to justify their bad habits!
Certainly these are bad traits for anyone, men or women, but these are presented as the "Top 5" turnoffs for men, and I'll certainly vouch for them because these are the things about girls I've gone out with that bug me more than anything else(besides the ultimatum thing, I've never heard that, but can't really even imagine going out with someone who'd behave like that anyway).

People have debated the "who should pay for the date" question for decades, and that's not an issue that will be solved here, but that's also one of the things on the list that concerns me least-- although I've dated girls before where the dates start getting cheaper and cheaper because, well, sometimes she's not worth what she costs! On the flip side if a girl ever actually decided she was going to pay for absolutely everything for me, I'd probably hang onto her for a while-- for the free food if nothing else! (although, waitaminute, maybe that's why guys shouldn't pay for everything. . . hmmm. . .)

For me the flakiness is the biggest issue. If someone's got to break the date for one reason or another that's fine, but when you hear it too often, clearly you're not high on their priority list so that's when it's time to keep looking. You want someone you can count on, not someone you can count on to disappoint you.

As for the chivalry thing, well I think this is the wrong article to talk about that, but just be aware that if someone has good manners they'll have them from the beginning, it's not something that will randomly just start happening after a while, so if that's what you're looking for find someone who acts that way from the start (unfortunately politeness and good manners are things that make for good relationships, but are not things that initially attract women, so keep in mind that your instincts will betray you!).
- December 20th, 2007, 10:33 pm
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I agree with the women who say the men should pay. It shows the man is a gentleman. I was a woman who use to pay all the time when I had what seemed like bottomless money from a settlement. I thought I was being gracious and showing the men in my life that I appreciated them. What I learned is my doing that truly made them feel inferior. They felt like I had it all already so why did I need them? Men be honest with yourselves. You want to feel needed and appreciated. If your woman pays even half the time it takes away from what you feel you can offer her. This may not hold true for someone you are dating "in the meantime" until someone better or "the right one" comes along. But overall the men I have dated felt less than men when I pulled out my money on a date. I insisted so they accepted it but it truly blurred our roles in the relationship. I think especially in today's world where women are working, raising families and have high powered jobs it's important to maintain traditional chivalry. Women look at your ex and who he ended up with. He's with a woman who needed him and expressed it perhaps way more than you ever did. Men love to rescue the helpless, hopeless female that makes him feel like Superman. Men appreciate affection, respect, but above all men crave affirmation and the ability to feel strong and able to protect their female (more than a woman who picks up the check). You can't put a price on that. Bottom line, love your man! Treat him like a King and he will treat you as his queen.
- December 20th, 2007, 10:39 pm
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Rhonda Road Rhonda Road is offline
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I've just started dating in the last year after a long term marriage, and the whole "Who pays for what?" is really confusing to me. For first dates when the fellows ask me out to dinner, I take their lead as to what price range they order. Same with drinks. When the check arrives, I let the fellow look it over and offer to leave the tip. All of them have accepted the offer. On subsequent dates, I generally pay for every third date keeping it within my budget. I haven't gotten past the third date so far (my choosing). So, guys, does this sound fair to you? I could use a little guidance.

Anita
- December 20th, 2007, 10:41 pm
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kdjdcoolmom kdjdcoolmom is offline
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Does everything in life have to be so complicated? 100 yrs ago, people just tried to live by the golden rule, "treat others the way you would like to be treated". A little respect goes a long way. It's unfortunate that we have to date so defensively. Anyone just looking for some relaxed, good times?
- December 20th, 2007, 10:52 pm
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Radio Free Spike Radio Free Spike is offline
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To Beloved and Jenif and the others who have commented on paying for dates, I have had a somewhat different experience. I believe that any man should be fully prepared to pay for a date, particularly at the beginning. However, a woman should carry money too, in case she chooses to pay for part or all, or needs taxi fair home in a hurry. (Not that any of my dates have fled that quickly!) It's a safety issue that your Momma would agree with.

Having said that, It has been my experience that on a first few dates, some women would rather go Dutch and split the bill. This may be to establish themselves as an equal, or to remove any hint at "obligation," or whatever. Later on, however, I would treat her and sometimes she would treat me, or we'd go Dutch again.

It's like giving gifts; it's better to see or create something that really reminds you of that person than to feel obligated to give her some piece of useless crap because it's Christmas/birthday/whatever. In other words, it should be out of a spirit of wanting to share something, not obligation. But I suppose that part comes down the road a wee bit further.
- December 20th, 2007, 11:01 pm
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countryboy countryboy is offline
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Women, I have to say one of my biggest frustrations (living on a college campus and seeing many people date) is girls not being strait forward with guys. Girls, you are only screwing with a guy's head if you do not make it clear to him you are not interested in pursuing a "love" relationship. And that doesn't mean saying, "It's just not the time right now." To a guy, that means he should be patient as a friend and wait tell the time is right. We are Men, we can take the Truth... or should I say, we'd rather hear the truth.
- December 20th, 2007, 11:10 pm
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