Should You Date a Former Cheater?

Should You Date a Former Cheater?

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Should You Date a Former Cheater?


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hope2see is offline hope2see Post #201  March 14,2009, 4:33am
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jayjay,529172 wrote :

hope2see,528730 wrote :


Leave the cheater to his or her cheating ways and find someone who will not waste your precious time.Find someone like yourself who is not a cheater and be happy.I'm going to.


Sorry about your painful situation. I'd just point out, if it was as simple as "find someone who will not cheat" you'd have done this in the first place (as would everyone). People have personality issues, problems, do bad things etc. There's a mix of good and bad in everyone (including you and I)....and I don't think it's ever possible to enter a relationship without the risk of pain.
Thanks for your simpathy.It is simple to find someone who does not cheat.I was married before and to a good man who did not cheat and he did not lie to me daily. I also know about pain and I am a risk taker.My first husband died.So after much pain and grief,I started over again.The problem is that I married someone who lied to me from the beginning and is still being dishonest with me. I am so sick of the drama.I know there is a mix in all people,but I'm beginning to think that there is also just some people who are just evil.It makes me not want to ever be around or trust anyone. I know I'll get over it one day.I'm just angry right now.
 
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Luvujan is offline Luvujan Post #202  March 17,2009, 4:44pm
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I am going through the same thing at home. Daughter is 'thinking' of going back to the ex who has cheated 3 times in 6 months. Any wonder why us as parents dont like him and are trying to convience our daughter dont go back there.


If you are happy being treated as 2nd best - expect no better thats is what you will be happy to be........always 2nd best....


A lepard never changes his spots - experience and advice from a 46yr old who has lived through it.
 
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mikem is offline mikem Post #203  May 30,2009, 11:53pm
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Once a cheater, always a cheater...unless they truly repent, take responsibility for their action and are transformed. Plus, the must at some point make a firm, quality decision that they will never cheat. If that decision isn't made, the likelyhood of them cheating again is very high. However, through a transforming relationship with God through Christ I believe a person can change. But they will have to make a decision to change. If that decision isn't their, I would tread very, very carefully at the possibility of being in a relationship with them. They have to make a decison that they'll never cheat again and be determined to stick with it.
 
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JerseyLilly is offline JerseyLilly Post #204  May 31,2009, 4:35am
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That there's even any question regarding this amazes me. So, "Should you date a former cheater?"; the answer is, "Only if you want to be cheated on".
 
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louisiana45 is offline louisiana45 Post #205  May 31,2009, 6:45am
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I know people that have cheated, were convicted, were tryuly sorry, and sought forgiveness. They are people that finally see how close they came to losing their wife, kids, &life. Their marriages were restored beyond belief, but it was by God's grace and God being the head in their lives and marriage. For those who forgive and love the fallen spouse....they are one in a million. Christ "like" in their daily walk. As for a person that continues in adultry, they compromise all spiritual, moral, and ethical values. They are self centered individuals, who put themself before their spouse and children. They made a vow that they chose no longer honor because someone else "better" came along. Their word means nothing. If they use the excuse that they no longer "felt" the same way about their spouse, children, marriage, etc. then they should have sought help. If THEY still could not honor the vow that was made freely to the person of their choice and the covenant made before God then the LEAST they could have done was to get a divorce BEFORE starting a relationship with their new found "soul mate". Marriage is hard. Love is a choice. Your vows ask "do you promise to love, honor, and cherish...as long as you both shall live". They did not say, do you think you will be able to as long as you "feel" like it and have butterflies in your stomach? Just think what this world will be like, and seems to be coming to, if everyone just did what they wanted to, what was best for them at the moment? Cheaters tell themself that everyone will be "ok", including the kids. I know adults today from 25-50 that were causalities of divorces involving a parent that left their family for someone else and they ALL have scars that they still carry with them as adults. The effects were profound. Cheaters,and those that have no moral or spiritual fiber and must convince themselves of this in order to exist in the selfish world that they have created.. Most may have been very respected, moral, and spiritual individuals but they have now become what they once hated. Their path has taken them to a place among the dead. If they did not change for their wife,the mother of their children, AND their innocent children, what makes you think you are so special? I think most of you can figure that one out.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #206  May 31,2009, 9:20am
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abnoba wrote :
The operative word is former: yes I would date a former cheater, just like I would marry a man who was once married and now divorced. Do I think that once divorced always a divorcer? No. We all can make mistakes and we can all change our ways. All of us are formerly something, something that we are probably not too proud of. So why single out one out of a list of hundreds and hundreds of way we f*** up?
I'm with you. It is possible for people to learn from their mistakes. I will say this, I would proceed with caution, though, with a cheater. He'd better know I would be watching closely for those little cues.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #207  May 31,2009, 12:46pm
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What my partner did in the past is their business. Perhaps it would be in the back of my head and perhaps it would make me caution as things went along if I knew for sure she cheated in the past. But I would be willing to give her a chance and see what might happen.
 
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lmparizona is offline lmparizona Post #208  July 3,2009, 8:31pm
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So what do you say to the person, who didn't want the divorce, requested marriage counseling, and yet the other party just says no? There are 2 people in a marriage, just because someone is divorced doesn't mean they were the "quitter".
 
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vrcarrington is offline vrcarrington Post #209  July 6,2009, 11:38am
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Once when I was a teenager I shoplifted. Got caught. I've NEVER done it again. Once a shoplifter always a shoplifter? I don't think so. Would I steal food if my kids were starving and I had no money? Maybe. But I am not a thief. When I was a young adult I got drunk - many times. Did I get caught or in serious trouble? No. But I did get sick. Now I don't drink at all. Once a drunk, always a drunk? I don't think so.

Personal experience though, makes me frightened of those who see things so black and white (once a cheater, always a cheater). I dated a pathological, abusive man for a while. Note: We were never married. He accused me of cheating on a daily basis (my clothing was too revealing, I was too "nice" to the water). Cheater was the "printable" name he called me (w*****, s***, etc. were more common). I never cheated! I found that those who go on and on about "cheaters" likely have a "control" issue and a deep-seated insecurity (signs of an abusive individual). Did he cheat? Don't know, don't care. I do know he had no problem openly degrading, ridiculing and hurting me. I won't be in a relationship like that. If I would have been married I STILL would have left (and cheating would have never been the issue except in his warped mind).

People do change, learn and grow.

However you're in charge of only one person. YOU. Be moral, honest and trustworthy. That's your choice - it's who you want to be. But so many people sound like they use fidelity as a form of imprisonment/control over someone else (particularly those who aren't even married). I hope I never end up with a holier than thou "once a cheater/divorcee always a cheater/divorcee" type - if someone doesn't treat you with respect and honesty that says it all - you're better off without them.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #210  July 6,2009, 11:53am
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When a man divorces his wife and marries his mistress, he leaves a vacancy.
 
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