I was married for 23 years (with the coward for 26 years). He had a drinking problem and a major problem with selfishness or being spoiled as a child. He moved from his parents home into our home and had never been on his own prior to being married. Mommy did evertying for him. Needless to say, I totally and completely trusted my husband, even though we had become very settled and more like friends. He was never one for deep conversation and he always kept to himself. I fought with him over his drinking, which he claimed was what made him comfortable with people. At the end of our marriage, he really started drinking a lot more than the already excessive drinking he'd done for years. I started to catchhim in lies that were minor and unrelated to anything important, but lies just the same. Three years prior to the end of our marriage he started"playing cards" with some guys from work. It was very rare and he always came home early the nextday. Never the night he played cards because he was unable to attend any function or activity without drinking until there was nothing left to drink. So, of course, I figured he was always far to intoxicated to drive home and prefered that he stay at his friends house if he was drunk.FAST FORWARD:Toward my 50th birthday I realized that I couldn't deal with an alcoholicanymore and I wanted to have my life back. He had claimed to have stopped drinking and was attending AA meetings, but I could tell he was drinking more than ever and he couldn't tell the truth and didn't want to discuss anything. Finally when I told him he needed to leave or go get help, he confessed that he had beenhaving an affair for three years (the evenings he said he was playing cards).Heagreed to go to rehab and get help for his drinking at this point because he thought he was killing himself (with guilt - hiswords). Ironically, he had comments for yearsabout other he knew were cheating and how little respect he had for them. The evening I found out about his affair, I told him he needed to go be with his "girlfriend".Hehad the audacity to call her fromour home and confess to her that he had finally told me of their affair and asked her if she was ready to "take care of him". I was in total shock that he had so little respect for me and our son. His next words to her were: "I will never stop loving you, the only thing that would make me stop loving you is if you Cheated on me". Fine words to be coming from a cheating cowards mouth.


Funny that thingsdidn't work out for him. I sent him off to rehab and set him free to be with his already cheating girlfriend (being an ex-P.I., I did some research of my own on his girlfriend). I gave him the news I had found and told him I wished him well and it was now time for me to live my life with honesty, pride and integrity. Told him he could be with his lovely girlfriend and let her work and her family know that she had been seeing a married man for three years and that he wasn't the first or only married alcoholic she had been seeing. He was offended that "I would bring her into our mess". I reminded him it wasn't my mess at all, but his mess. He questioned me about what I had found abouther and he toldme it really made a big difference if I was telling him the truth about her or not. Told him I had no reason to lie to himbecause he and I were over. He couldn't deal with being cheated on and she didn't want to be with an available man.


I truly believe if a person is coward enough and selfish enough to carry on an affairand cheat once, they will never change their ways. In our situation, it was all about him. Whenwas good for a moment thinking he could go right to her and that I took it well. Once he realized she didn't want him and I didn't want him he was lost. He let me know what a wonderful wife I had been and he proclaimed his deepest apologies to me and blamed things on his drinking (realizing it was the drinking that caused him to do this, not him personally), although he would consciously and soberly make plans to see her (or play cardsif you will) weeks or days in advance with ample time to see the evil of his ways.


When it's a cheater that hurts it's a different story - but it doesn'tchange theirgame.


Glad to say he is alonelivingina room in his mother's basement and I am happily seeing someone thathas an occasional drink and engages in conversation without the aid of alcohol.


Once a liar always a liar, once a cheater always a cheater. Steer clear.

ok i must say something being both cheated on and divorcedx2. my first husband cheated on me we had 2 children. my 2nd husbands 1st wife cheated on him. we agreed we would never do that to each other cuz it hurt 2 much. if we ever found our selves wanting to B with someone else we would give the other the respect they deserved, tell them and leave. he ended up with his 3 kids i had the 2 while we dated i took care of all 5 kids for 16yrs. we were married 8 out of that 16. i worked at our marriage i went to counseling by myself for 3 yrs he refused to go. he cheated on me with a women (if U want 2 call her that) who has 2 children and one grandchild. she so happened to be married x2. cheated on both husbands one was with my husband. she has done this with the people she has dated inbetween which i understand you would need to borrow someone elses hands and may B their feet to count them all on. anyway i worked at my marriage i tried to stick by my vows and my commitment so other thanbeing trustful, commited what does that make me? i say what goes around comes around and they are both doomed. i just feel bad for all the kids! and what those 3 cheating people put them through. what are they teaching them to be future cheaters of America?

You'd have to be utterly nuts to date a former cheater. Often, these people have personality disorders of some type. Not long ago, I dated a woman for a year. We even bought a house together. Not long after purchasing the house, I learned that she was still messing around with her supposed "ex" boyfriend. Who knows what other men she was with.


She was a nymphomaniac. A healthy libido is a good thing. But she was over the top. That should have been my first warning sign. But, of course, I ignored it because I thought I was in love.


After I got out of the relationship, she stalked me for more than a year. YES, women stalk. In fact, research shows that they do it more often than men do. That was very creepy.


During that time, I started reading a lot and learned about personality disorders. If you don't what these are, google them. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Hystrionic Personality Disorder, and there are some others. Learn to look for the signs of people with these major psychological problems. Actually, a fairly large percentage of people have them. And these are the sort of people that will cheat and not have remorse, or will blame you for their cheating, and that sort of thing.


The strange thing about people with these personality disorders is that they don't actually surfer that much from their problems. It's the people around them that suffer. Especially their partners. And, you cannot fix them or help them. You should never make excuses for them. Once you spot them, run as fast as you can. There are plenty of wonderful and loving people our there with whom to share a great relationship. Let the people with personality disorders date and marry each other!

It really takes time to get to know someone. People used to rely on family and friends and even then it didn't always work. We may not all have been trained to deal with stress in a healthy manner. The funny thing is thatwhen presented with an alternative,people may not choose to leave the unhealthy but comfortable way of emoting. They are unhappily stuck. And no matter what you say or do to help them, they have their own ideas about how it is.That's just human. The gift of fire can burn. Soonward!


Aaaaarrggh. I need some fresh air andI want to feel the wind in my hair!

Sorry - but once a cheater, always a cheater - it is in the psychology. You are always taking a chance with these kinds and the behavior is a symptom of something darker and deeper. Plenty of people out there that don't cheat - ever.