did you ever talk to her about it? if we only use our imagination, the situation is self generated and will degenerate the relationship inside our own minds. your partner deserves the oportunity to explain herself, if there is something to explain. as everything we do,everyone hasa natural ability in doing something. a person's past decisions may be an indication of future decisions in repeating behaviors, capabilities of crossing boundaries, and recognizing mistakes not to be made again. each will use their past in different ways. ... maybe trying to express the "wonder" that develops about a topic early in a relationship will help one feel more comfortable in making big decisions that effect the long term possibilities of that relationships. ... i guess the "advice" part, if i may, would be to not let it bother you by finding the learned material for yourself. then move on knowing you will not make mistakes twice. .. sometimes we even need to apologize to have peace. .. relax, we all have different backgrounds that brought us to this day

I love how this thread couldn't even get past the first page before all of the "I know you didn't want to hear from women, but..." posts starting pouring in from women who couldn't resist hearing the sound of their own voice, even when the OP specifically looked for male responses only.

Guys, I am sincerely grateful to hear from all of you, I just got home from work... it was a very very long day and before going to bed I thought "Oh yeah, I joined that one forum, let me see if anyone replied" and 4 pages of comments!



This has been eating me up inside since it happened and I am so happy to hear different points of views and ideas and the best part is, that unlike most online forums, everyone here was adult about it and didnt flame so I thank you and truly truly appreciate all of you.


Now to answer some questions.


1. Yes I did feel somewhat insecure but only because I dont know what degree of "rough" she wanted me to be and quite frankly, there are some things I just didnt have the heart to do. You know, like slapping her around and crap like that. Its just not *my* thing. BDSM for some people is golden, for me... its just too harsh. So yes, it did bother me that other guys had done things to her which I considered abusive and that she gladly accepted and submitted to them. The slapping is only the beginning..... And I did indeed feel like Id never be able to offer that level of violence and in turn, felt insecure that eventually, shed get fed up and leave me anyway.


2. We discussed her past and the number wasnt too high up there, it was 10 partners in the last 4 years. (We only discussed the partners she'd had while she'd been in the country, Im not too sure about her earlier years in Europe). 10 in 4 years is roughly 2 1/2 a year ...


3. She did take me to her place... on the 3rd or 4th date. We went out for drinks and then she was driving and instead of dropping me off, she said "we are going to my place". of course at the time, I was in heaven... hehe. Who wouldnt be? After finding out about her past, I sort of realized I wasnt a "special guy" in her life... chances are, she did this with any guy she liked.





I hope that answers all the questions floating around out there and as you can see, Im not afraid or ashamed to admit my own insecurities. Im just not into certain sexual acts and felt it was time to move on and let some other guy please her.