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lada lada is offline
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lada hello? hello? ios this fphone still working?

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irishdancer_jen wrote :

zeb431 wrote :


couple of important ones,in case you did not get these in earlier. the idea is to save money, time and emotions getting attached to someone who is opposed to things you are for. source of conflict that can kill a relationship





any close family history of infidelity, mother, father, grand parents?


is there any history of attempted suicide by close family members or yourself?


are you pro or anti same gender marriage?


are you pro or anti gun ownership?


are you pro or anti ESC or FSC research?


are you pro choice or pro life?


do you have a personal relationship with Christ as your Lord and Savior?


now the funny thing is I expect many to get annoyed by my posting these. but after all, to be equally yoked, you have to be on the same sheet morality wise and spiritually. If not then move on.


oh yeah.


then some of those other mushy things. might as well get it out front early. twice, I met dates, and we started running the list and it took only about 30 minutes to realize no match there. no more dates, no more wasted time, no wasted emotions. now what is worse, falling for someone and then compromising values and morals to avoid conflict to keep them, or to simply weed them out early?





zeb431: a few things I wanted to comment on that i hope will not be taken the wrong way, but some things really jumped out at me.... shouldn't come as a surprise though, b/c i think you are expecting a less than kudo-filled response.


"the idea is to save money, time and emotions" - REALLY? I thought the idea was the get to know someone, regardless of the outcome. is it really such a waste of time to get to know someone even if they don't turn out to be your soulmate? again, no offense, but this approach seems pretty selfish... seems to be moreabout what is in it for you. also seems you are acting of out fear of investing something you aren't sure will be returned.this is not love in any sense of the word, and if this is the approach from date number one, you've already started down the wrong path.


If I were on a date with someone who had this approach and asked these questions, regardless of how great this person was, there would be no second date. I would feel completely turned off by this type of "interview". Wouldn't it better to just treat your date well, with respect,kindness and generosity and see what unfolds? People's true characters will be revealed soon enough, and you are actually revealing yours within the first 30 minutes. i can tell you that it is not coming across as loving, kind or generous. In this scenario,I would find this person to be in it all for himself and not for me at all. Who wants that?


"twice, I met dates, and we started running the list and it took only about 30 minutes to realize no match there." - i'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say it wasn't so mucha different set of values revealed from the list of questionsthat sent those people running. perhaps it was askinga series questions within the first 30 minutes of meeting someone. that's called an interview, not a date, and you're not an employer hiring someone to be your partner. i can't see many women seeing you as a kind, loving, thoughful, generous, patienceperson. aren't these typically universal qualities everyone wants in a parter?


i won't even touch the christian thing, becausefrom your post, i find you neither morally wise or spiritual. i do agree with you on one point... ifound this posting annoying.
+1
- September 26th, 2008, 08:51 am
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dcajun44 dcajun44 is offline
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+2 Me too!!
- September 26th, 2008, 09:26 am
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japaneseblueeyes japaneseblueeyes is offline
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I prefer the first date to be less talking, more doing. I like going to festivals and events to see if we have chemistry. There is so much excitement and stuff to see and do that you can loosen up and not worry about getting too personal too fast.
- September 26th, 2008, 11:12 am
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zeb431 zeb431 is offline
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irishdancer_jen wrote :

zeb431 wrote :


couple of important ones,in case you did not get these in earlier. the idea is to save money, time and emotions getting attached to someone who is opposed to things you are for. source of conflict that can kill a relationship





any close family history of infidelity, mother, father, grand parents?


is there any history of attempted suicide by close family members or yourself?


are you pro or anti same gender marriage?


are you pro or anti gun ownership?


are you pro or anti ESC or FSC research?


are you pro choice or pro life?


do you have a personal relationship with Christ as your Lord and Savior?


now the funny thing is I expect many to get annoyed by my posting these. but after all, to be equally yoked, you have to be on the same sheet morality wise and spiritually. If not then move on.


oh yeah.


then some of those other mushy things. might as well get it out front early. twice, I met dates, and we started running the list and it took only about 30 minutes to realize no match there. no more dates, no more wasted time, no wasted emotions. now what is worse, falling for someone and then compromising values and morals to avoid conflict to keep them, or to simply weed them out early?





zeb431: a few things I wanted to comment on that i hope will not be taken the wrong way, but some things really jumped out at me.... shouldn't come as a surprise though, b/c i think you are expecting a less than kudo-filled response.


"the idea is to save money, time and emotions" - REALLY? I thought the idea was the get to know someone, regardless of the outcome. is it really such a waste of time to get to know someone even if they don't turn out to be your soulmate? again, no offense, but this approach seems pretty selfish... seems to be moreabout what is in it for you. also seems you are acting of out fear of investing something you aren't sure will be returned.this is not love in any sense of the word, and if this is the approach from date number one, you've already started down the wrong path.


If I were on a date with someone who had this approach and asked these questions, regardless of how great this person was, there would be no second date. I would feel completely turned off by this type of "interview". Wouldn't it better to just treat your date well, with respect,kindness and generosity and see what unfolds? People's true characters will be revealed soon enough, and you are actually revealing yours within the first 30 minutes. i can tell you that it is not coming across as loving, kind or generous. In this scenario,I would find this person to be in it all for himself and not for me at all. Who wants that?


"twice, I met dates, and we started running the list and it took only about 30 minutes to realize no match there." - i'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say it wasn't so mucha different set of values revealed from the list of questionsthat sent those people running. perhaps it was askinga series questions within the first 30 minutes of meeting someone. that's called an interview, not a date, and you're not an employer hiring someone to be your partner. i can't see many women seeing you as a kind, loving, thoughful, generous, patienceperson. aren't these typically universal qualities everyone wants in a parter?


i won't even touch the christian thing, becausefrom your post, i find you neither morally wise or spiritual. i do agree with you on one point... ifound this posting annoying.
my perspective is, if you don't clear these up front, then they are likely to be issues of constant friction and possibly outright conflict. both last GFS we got in to heated arguments over same gender marriage, gun ownership, ESC and FSC research, and PBA ban. hard to be equally yoked when someone is on the other side, the wrong side, of a moral issue. hard to respect someone whose morals are simply not in alignment with scripture (at least the easy ones). so if you save these UNTIL after you have fallen in love, you now have these political/moral landmines that simply either are not discussed or create conflict. better to find someone who agrees with an aligns that way.





yes btw, I am stunned you find an interview/date bad. let me get this straight, a company doing it because they want to hire you to do a job, its ok. but for someone to do the same thing if the purpose of this effort is to move the relationship toward marriage, its not good? guess I see the investment of my time, my money and my heart, more valuable than others. too many times I have fallen for a woman too fast, ignoring those issues ONLY to have those issues be a catalyst in the relationships demise. it makes no sense to invest time money and effort going blindly into a relationship, only to find out there are red flags you could have detected and opted out earlier.


some of those questions would never get asked after falling for someone, and if the answer was a red flag, too often we fail to walk away and stay anyway, only to regret the decision later.
- September 26th, 2008, 11:35 am
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Sarah wrote :

....If you had one day in life to live over, which would you choose and why?
"Today, because I would rather have gone on a date than a job interview."


Seriously, folks. Let's ramp downthe impatience and paranoia a notch and simply go have some fun on the early dates. Sit back and watch your date and listen to what they say. The truth will come out if you simply pay attention. Asking a bunch of pointed questions will simply put them on the defensive, and that's not the way towards building a connection. Also, asking direct questions gives them the perfect opportunity, if they're going to decieve you, of crafting direct lies.


What disturbs me about this question and a lot of the answers is the obvious need people are feeling to know if this person is a perfect match - and you want to know NOW!


Clue phone: There are no guarantees, and if you ask artificial questions, you're most likely to get artificial answers. Worse, it puts up a wall across the date, as you become the inquisitor and they the person being interrogated, in however benign a manner. You're already pushing each other apart instead of having fun together, which ought to be the point of the exercise.


I go on a date to get to know someone and possibly start a connection with them. The best way to get to know someone is to simply observe them and interact with them. Genuine people will be genuine around you. Liars will lie, and eventually you'll start to see the inconsistencies. Players will play, and you'll see that, too. Shallow people can't hide shallowness, so you'll see it fairly quickly just by watching them. Wouldn't you rather know the real person than answers to a set of artificial questions that have no bearing on their everyday life?
- September 26th, 2008, 11:52 am
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Glider_Pilot Glider_Pilot is offline
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zeb431 wrote :

my perspective is, if you don't clear these up front, then they are likely to be issues of constant friction and possibly outright conflict. both last GFS we got in to heated arguments over same gender marriage, gun ownership, ESC and FSC research, and PBA ban. hard to be equally yoked when someone is on the other side, the wrong side, of a moral issue. hard to respect someone whose morals are simply not in alignment with scripture (at least the easy ones). so if you save these UNTIL after you have fallen in love, you now have these political/moral landmines that simply either are not discussed or create conflict. better to find someone who agrees with an aligns that way.





yes btw, I am stunned you find an interview/date bad. let me get this straight, a company doing it because they want to hire you to do a job, its ok. but for someone to do the same thing if the purpose of this effort is to move the relationship toward marriage, its not good? guess I see the investment of my time, my money and my heart, more valuable than others. too many times I have fallen for a woman too fast, ignoring those issues ONLY to have those issues be a catalyst in the relationships demise. it makes no sense to invest time money and effort going blindly into a relationship, only to find out there are red flags you could have detected and opted out earlier.


some of those questions would never get asked after falling for someone, and if the answer was a red flag, too often we fail to walk away and stay anyway, only to regret the decision later.
That's a very male perspective - efficiency! Unfortunately, efficiency and dating have little to do with one another, as you may already have noticed.


First point: Reading through your post, it sounds to me like you've fallen for some people before you really got to know them, and that was painful, and I'm sorry to hear that. However, you're going to find that most women don't take kindly to being asked a series of deep, pointed questions early in the dating process. You have to realize that although we must lead the dating process, ultimately the decision (and thus the power) is in their hands. You'll need to accept that reality and understand that if what you want to do will 'turn her off', it's not something you should do if you want a connection with her. Period.


Second point: I completely understand your desire to get these questions "out of the way." You want to make an informed decision about this person's suitability, morals, and behavior before you invest any more time, effort, and money in her. And especially, you want to make sure she meets your specifications before you allow any emotional involvement to develop.


Now go back and re-read that last paragraph, and realize how cold it is. How distancing.You've thrown upa great big wall between the two of you, and she's not getting through until she passes the test. This, my friend, is not the way towards developing a close, lasting connection with someone. I dare say that if this really is your thinking, you're going to be very alone for a very long time.


You can't find love without risking your emotions. You can't pick a lover with your head. I would advise you to slow down the "falling in love" process until the natural back-and-forth of conversation/developing connection answers most of your questions, so that you're less disappointed when someone doesn't prove to be a match. If there are some unanswered questions at that point, you've already established some level of connection that makes asking those few remaining questions reasonable.


Relax a bit. You might get hurt again, but you might find love, too.
- September 26th, 2008, 12:10 pm
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Glider_Pilot wrote :

Relax a bit. You might get hurt again, but you might find love, too.
<<>>>... Glider's back!
- September 26th, 2008, 12:30 pm
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Glider_Pilot Glider_Pilot is offline
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LizziePooh wrote :

Glider_Pilot wrote :


Relax a bit. You might get hurt again, but you might find love, too.


<<>>>... Glider's back!
Sweet talker...
- September 26th, 2008, 12:44 pm
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Glider_Pilot wrote :


The truth will come out if you simply pay attention. Asking a bunch of pointed questions will simply put them on the defensive, and that's not the way towards building a connection...What disturbs me about this question and a lot of the answers is the obvious need people are feeling to know if this person is a perfect match - and you want to know NOW! ... You're already pushing each other apart instead of having fun together, which ought to be the point of the exercise.


I go on a date to get to know someone and possibly start a connection with them. The best way to get to know someone is to simply observe them and interact with them


Great post, Glider!


I, too go out on a date to have fun, get to know someone (by interacting and observing) and not to interview someone or be interviewed. If I knew in advance that my next date was going to be a barrage of interrogating (deep) questions, I'd stay home instead. Let's not take the fun out of looking for a partner!
- September 26th, 2008, 01:01 pm
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Any history of mental illness?? Never thought this would be necessary, until I dated a bipolar fellow!
- September 26th, 2008, 02:07 pm
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