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fino4beat fino4beat is offline
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You know, I totally get what everyone (well, mostly the women) are saying here. IMHO, I think being a busy woman AND having a relationship can work, but my gut feeling is that the relationship would have had to be somewhat established already as you/we became busier. In that situation, assuming you're with a good guy, he would understand that you have ramped up some of the areas that aren't "all about him" and would hopefully be both patient and supportive until the dust settled a little bit. However, trying to start a new one in the midst of chaos probably isn't going to work out so well unless you happen to have THE most understanding, compassionate, supportive, caring, patient, etcetcetc. guy fall into your lap. Building a relationship, I think, takes time and energy. Now, casual dating, on the other hand, you most certainly might could work in. Like one of the other posters said, you do, in fact need some YOU time. And perhaps one of those casual dates would turn out to be that one-in-a-million guy who is blown away by you and all that you are and what you are trying to accomplish in your life. Sadly, though, I'm not sure I'd hold my breath on that one. I'd say just think what a TOTALLY AMAZING womanyou are going to be when you find yourself on the other side of this whirlwind that is your current life, and how much you are going to have to offer once you have the time! Then some guy is going to be totally lucky to have you, the evolved Queen Bee that you are going to become.
- September 23rd, 2008, 11:07 am
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I don't see much time committed to a man in there.
- September 23rd, 2008, 09:10 pm
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that's because it's about sharing, not focusing one's life on a man
- September 23rd, 2008, 09:18 pm
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and Why is it completely acceptable for a man to be insanely busy with the woman expected to settle for little crumbs of his time.... but, when a woman becomes successful.... suddenly it is not OK...
- September 23rd, 2008, 09:21 pm
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angelpoet wrote :

that's because it's about sharing, not focusing one's life on a man
We're talking about the OP's time, which doesn't seem to have any committment to dating a man with the intention of a strong relationship. Relationships with 2 committed parties are about sharing yes. The issue in question was is the OP even committed in the first place. Never did I imply that her complete focus should be to shift completely to the man.


If she's giving full effort to her job, business, school, but only a half committment to a relationship should a man giving a full committment settle for this?


Regardless of the gender, if you're someone's 5th priority why should they be your 1st.
- September 23rd, 2008, 09:41 pm
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angelpoet wrote :

and Why is it completely acceptable for a man to be insanely busy with the woman expected to settle for little crumbs of his time.... but, when a woman becomes successful.... suddenly it is not OK...
Again, regardless of gender, and I'm not sure what standard you use to base it as acceptable for a man to give his woman only little crumbs of his time; but if you're not much of priority to your partner then you could easily find yourself without one if that person is highly desirable.


Someone without other options may stick around anyway for the convenience, and put up with neglect and grow angry over time. This is probably happens more anyways.


- September 23rd, 2008, 09:48 pm
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and IMHO....Why is it completely acceptable for a man to be insanely busy with the woman expected to settle for little crumbs of his time.... but, when a woman becomes successful.... suddenly it is not OK... for a woman to want a relationship and a life... allbeit a very busy complicated life... if it were a man with this many commitments, no one would question his desire for a woman in his life... the OP should not be denied the desire for a relationship or romantic life...
- September 23rd, 2008, 09:52 pm
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Have you tried dating a guy who is as busy as you are? That seems to work for me. Things don't progress as fast because we don't spend as much time together as normal couples, but when we do get together it becomes hotter and heavier Neither of us would feel that bad when s/he couldn't make it for something, and the other would understand because s/he is in the same situation.
- September 23rd, 2008, 10:04 pm
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I'm sort of on the opposite end of this busy-ness spectrum. I used to be in the corporate world and realized that 'climbing' it meant giving huge amounts of my time and energy to a job that I wasn't fundamentally or deeply interested in. That's why I decided to go back to grad school....both so I could work in an area that was deeply of interest and meaningfulto me....and also because I don't want to devote all my time to my work. I want to have a substantial amount of time and emotional energy to devote to my (oneday) wife and family. And...it certainly wouldn't be right for me to get involved with a woman who had little time for these things....and then for me to complain about not having this time (as on this thread we've heard of some men doing on this). For me...I need to finda woman who wants the same things I do.
- September 23rd, 2008, 10:24 pm
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legend29, wrote :

I have been trying to date seriously for the last10 months, but between my job, trying to finish my doctorate, and raising a 13 y/o I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. The last few men I met said I don't have time for them, but they hung around anyway seemingiy waiting until I could time mange better, and usually left me very angry. They were upset that I am even trying to date, because they sayI have way too much on my plate at this time.My job often requires after work meetings, andI have a second job as well....trying to start my own tutoring service business. I also write in my spare time, and am actively seeking to get published.


I think if I met the right person that understands my goals and can support me without being demanding of my time, I can have it all....career, kids, aspirations, goals, financial success.


Are the men I meet selfish to feel this way? Should I put off dating until I have more time for dating and/or a relationship? How do you juggle career, and/or school, and kids?


Am I being unrealistic? Isit possible for a woman to "have it all"?
All this an still have time to post on here? hmm lets see what to cut out of a busy life in order to date more.
- September 23rd, 2008, 10:39 pm
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