Long Distance Dating...?


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teacherlady is offline teacherlady Post #11  September 25,2008, 5:32pm
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I was in a long-distance relationship for over 3 years, and in many ways it was wonderful. We each traveled about every other month for a long weekend, so both of us traveled 6 times a year (we had longer breaks in summer and Christmas). Aside from the airport delays, it was never a problem.


However, it wasn't the together time that made that relationship last, IMHO--it was the phone time. Every night, we'd talk for at least an hour, discussing our days, mutual friends we had made in our travels, just anything . . . and that kept us very close. We also emailed a lot. We never had to wonder where each other was (the death blow to most LDRs), because we had a standing "date" at 9 every evening!


That R ended not due to distance but because, as we continued to learn about each other, some differences arose that we didn't feel we could overcome. We are still close friends and he knows he could call me right now if he needed to and I could do the same with him.


I think it's entirely possible to have a good and productive LDR, but you have to lay some ground rules up front. Most people don't want to do that because it doesn't seem "romantic," but I believe it's necessary if you're going to survive past a few months.
 
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imogen is offline imogen Post #12  September 25,2008, 6:36pm
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I'm so sad I have been friends with a guy in NY for four years (I'm in Australia) everytime I pluck up the courage to visit it seems to fall apart. I would love to be with this person any help out there???[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-cry.gif[/img]
 
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Kopykat is offline Kopykat Post #13  September 25,2008, 6:56pm
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I have been in two long distance relationships... and still single... they are what they are...if you can see yourself in a relationship that won't give you the daily needs it may be ok. Both of mine where fine for a period of time .. one 4 years, the other 2 years, but when it came down to being serious, someone will have to make a decision. In both cases the decision was mine to relocate. It's tough... can you leave your home? You know most of those answers before hand. The reality was the answer was no I could not. Strangely enough both "exes" are still friends. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve and think..





Good Luck
 
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japaneseblueeyes is offline japaneseblueeyes Post #14  September 25,2008, 7:03pm
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Ahem.....not all people who live overseas are scammers.


Having said this, this sounds like a possible scammer to me. Has there any been any other little white lies or things that did not make sense to his story?


The plus side is that he is chatting via webcam with you so you can tell a bit more about him.


If you do go to Italy, make sure to arrange your own hotel and transportation and make sure not to tell him where you will stay in case the first meeting does not go well. Make sure to meet him in a public place downtown away from your hotel so he can not track you if you need to make a getaway. Plan to meet him a few times while you are there, but make sure you actually enjoy Italy and plan things without him also.


Good luck and keep us posted!
 
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Sarah is offline Sarah Post #15  September 25,2008, 7:15pm
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I'm sure that you can meet someone closer to home. I'm with Pinz on this one.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #16  September 25,2008, 7:29pm
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Sarah,272199 wrote :


I'm sure that you can meet someone closer to home. I'm with Pinz on this one.


I too would like to agree with the above people, parenthetically stating that I think you are waaaay too young, beautiful and naive to undertake something like this just yet in your life.








Stay close to home for now and date more locally, it is a better thing to do.








If you are still never married in another 20 years, you can revisit this kind of idea, like I did in Peru (with success)
 
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bogdel is offline bogdel Post #17  September 25,2008, 8:10pm
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Why can't he come to meet you on your territory? Money is not the only thing you invest in this trip. It is time and effort and so much more... If he is really interested in you, he should make this trip, not you! Please, Be careful!
 
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bogdel is offline bogdel Post #18  September 25,2008, 8:21pm
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japaneseblueeyes,272187 wrote :

Ahem.....not all people who live overseas are scammers.


Having said this, this sounds like a possible scammer to me. Has there any been any other little white lies or things that did not make sense to his story?


The plus side is that he is chatting via webcam with you so you can tell a bit more about him.


If you do go to Italy, make sure to arrange your own hotel and transportation and make sure not to tell him where you will stay in case the first meeting does not go well. Make sure to meet him in a public place downtown away from your hotel so he can not track you if you need to make a getaway. Plan to meet him a few times while you are there, but make sure you actually enjoy Italy and plan things without him also.


Good luck and keep us posted!
I agree!Just because someone is overseas, does not mean that they are scammers. My home is in US, but I do spend several months a year on the mission field. I am a woman of God, and It would be unfair to be treated like a scammer.


That being said, I have been approached by scammers, and the one above does look and act like one. The very fact that you feel the need to ask for advise about it says that you have some questions about it, as well. Listen to your gut feeling more than to your wishful thinking.


I would let him pay the price of meeting you by making the trip to US on his own expence. If he works in the army, he should have enough money to come, and should be able to get permission for it. I would not go!!!
 
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cowgirl87 is offline cowgirl87 Post #19  September 25,2008, 10:33pm
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Thank everyone for all the advice. TEACHERLADY was a lot of help, with actually being in thissituation, along with others.


To make one thing clear, he told me as soon as OC started that he was in the AF stationed in Italy. It just caught me off guard, but I don't think it was lied.


I think it is a good thing toconsider doing eventually. I wouldn't really have time to go until January. So I think I want to take my time and REALLY get to know him in the mean time, and if I chicken-out, he can take some time off in August to come out to the states!


Wish me luck, and keep the advice coming!!! (i need it)
 
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teacherlady is offline teacherlady Post #20  September 27,2008, 7:45pm
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Cowgirl,


I do want to make one clarification. The LDR I began almost 4 years ago now was NOT from a dating site. Without going into too much detail, we were both peer counselors in a widespread group that offered help to divorced/divorcing people, and we worked together for some time before we met in "real life." When we did, he traveled to meet me, stayed in a hotel, and general took me on "dates" to see if that felt right. It did, and we began to see each other more often.





I make this distinction because I think that the way our relationship developed is an important point. I had much less chance of him being a scammer because we weren't in that type of situation to start with, and we spent a great deal of time working together prior to the "romantic" interest starting up. That also helped us greatly when we split, as we genuinely were friends prior to and after the relationship ended.


I will tell you that I think a pretty hard and fast rule is that anyone who truly cares for you doesn't want to hurt you or put you in a bad position. If this man is genuine, then certainly he's not going to be put off by waiting a bit and letting things develop naturally. Also, I wonder if the above poster doesn't have something--perhaps, since he's in the service and it's much easier for him to come to the States rather than you going to Italy (I'm thinking passports, etc.), his next leave perhaps he might want to come home and you could visit here in the US? Just a thought.





FWIW [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img]
 
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