Questioning Why I Came Here and the Economy's Influence on Prosective Mates


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sarachild is offline sarachild Post #1  September 21,2008, 8:28am
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Today I just blew off what could have been two potentially fabulous matches, possiblly even the ONE for reasons of well, monetary, family and meconsiderations.


Bachelor one lives a couple states away. He's good looking, smart, taller than me (which is always a plus), and college educated with a good job. But again, he lives in aways awayand unless he or I moved I don't see how the relationship would ever hope to blossom. At my age I shouldn't be tied down, but due to extenuating family circumstances I feel the need to stay close in my home state.


Bachelor two live two hours away from me. He is educated, good looking, shorter than me and has a great head on his shoulders. We were supposed to go on our first date today, but I cancelled and told him that I just can't do it right now, that I am questioning myself as to why I even joined E-Harmony. Which is true. But the main consideration was a little bit financial. The cost of gas. Sounds a little bit petty I guess, but being on such a tight budget I'm afraid that if we ever did evolve into something more that the constant back and forth down teh highway would break me.


That and there's this constant struggle in my head as to whether I am really ready for something that's bigger than myself. I've been alone so long I'm afraid I don't know how to be with anyone else. All the while though I am kicking myself with thoughts of what ifone of themhad been the one? What if I just allowed my last good chance slip away due financial and me insecurity.


Those that have been here for a while has any of these thoughts turned your decision making about potential mates.
 
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hbgirl66 is offline hbgirl66 Post #2  September 21,2008, 8:46am
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Ihave had all of these thoughts, in some form or another, over the past 3 years. You are not alone. I have passed on "good men" in the past because it felt like they were becoming too emotionally attached and it scared me. Did I pass on Mr. Right? I may never know.


I have to believe, though, that there is never a "last good chance". I believe we make our own good chances, and sometimes it has as much to do with timing as with opportunity.


Hang in there, we all deserve to be happy and I believe we all will be, when the time is right.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #3  September 21,2008, 8:46am
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Do you live in such a sparsly populated area that you can't find anyone closer?
 
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nancymargrit is offline nancymargrit Post #4  September 21,2008, 8:47am

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This one's hard to answer.


How well do you know these two matches? Have you been communicating with them long enough to feel comfortable bringing up your concerns (financial and otherwise) with them? Staying in touch with them as friends may be a good idea for now until you feel more comfortable getting into a serious relationship.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #5  September 21,2008, 8:54am
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Iwent six or seven years without dating because I wasn't ready. I think that trying to date when you aren't ready isn't good for you and it isn't fair to those you are dating.
 
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sarachild is offline sarachild Post #6  September 21,2008, 10:22am
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Bachelor two from our first open communication gave me his phone and cell number. It scared me a little because I don't know maybe it's me, but I thought the whole point of open communication was to get know each other gradually. That and when I finally got up the nerve to call him last night, his first words were something like, why hadn't I heard from you til now this week. It wasn't said in an aggressive way, but it put me off slightly because I had messaged him earlier saying I would be out of touch due to work. That and other things he said, combined with him just ending a two year relationship four months earlier, I was worried that my ambivilance would crush him even more so.


As to teh proximity of my matches, this is a medium sized to slightly larger town, so I don't know why I haven't received a decent number of locals. Maybe it's my age? I'm 35. This is a college town. Maybe all the men in my category are already married or retired?
 
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sarachild is offline sarachild Post #7  September 21,2008, 10:26am
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I guess the bottom line is I need to find some local activities that are low cost to free and see if I meet anyone that way. In a more gradual way.
 
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nancymargrit is offline nancymargrit Post #8  September 21,2008, 11:52am

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sarachild,266955 wrote :

I guess the bottom line is I need to find some local activities that are low cost to free and see if I meet anyone that way. In a more gradual way.
This is one way of doing things. I've said in other threads that I'm starting to use grocery lines and coffee shops more now instead of relying on eHarmony for everything.
 
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