What if he says the L word before I am ready?


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alwaysbusy6 is offline alwaysbusy6 Post #1  September 17,2008, 1:28pm
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I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months, and I am really having a wonderful time getting to know him.We have not become fully intimate as of yet (he has been the most patiently slow man, sexually,I have ever dated...usually most guys are trying to get me in the sack by date 2!) And since I decided to follow his lead and wait until he makes that move, he now has me quietly going insane...in a delightful way, of course .


My question is this; I noticed that he has been using the "L" word more and more often when it is pertaining to me..."I love seeing you", "I love being with you", "I love talking with you" etc....and I have a feeling that the big "L" word announcement is coming here shortly....what if I am not ready? I know that there are a lot of posts from women asking if they should say it first...but what if he says it and I am not ready to answer in kind?


I care for him, and I would really like to see where this relationship goes...but I have only been in love twice in my life - one I was married to for 10 years, the other I dated for 5 years. But after only 2 months....? I know he doesn't treat it lightly either. I respect him for keeping us on a slow schedule when it comes to physical intimacy, I know that we are getting to know one another so much better by keeping that just on the fringe...but what if emotionally, he is ahead of me? How do I keep him from running for the door if he tells me he loves me and I can't reciprocate at that time?
 
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firenrain is offline firenrain Post #2  September 20,2008, 11:07am
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How about if you have a conversation with him about it BEFORE he utters the words? Something along the line of how much you enjoy spending time with him, how patient he is being, etc. BUT how is he going to feel if EITHER of you is going at a different pace? He might think that you are about to tell him that, but ask him if he is in a differnent place than you, is he going to continue to be patient with you while you catch up...? I don't know, everybody gets to this point eventually in a relationship and it doesn't have to be a dealbreaker at all. It can make you feel uncomfortable to bring it up, but it's kind of like talking about sex before you actually have it. It make take some of the spontaneity and romance out of it, but it eliminates some of the surprises too. What's more important to you- feeling uncomfortable about it when it happens or addressing the possibilities before they happen?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  September 20,2008, 11:16am
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Two months and you haven't had sex yet?? Over and out.
 
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RedStapler is offline RedStapler Post #4  September 20,2008, 1:12pm
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In my experience, women want these things to proceed on their terms. Why can't you just go with it and tell him you love him back? Either that or just flat out tell him you expect him to be a doormat for your entire relationship, and if he can't deal with that, he should look elsewhere. Hey, at least you'd be refreshingly honest with him.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #5  September 20,2008, 8:30pm
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alwaysbusy6, wrote :

I have been seeing a guy for about 2 months, and I am really having a wonderful time getting to know him.We have not become fully intimate as of yet (he has been the most patiently slow man, sexually,I have ever dated...usually most guys are trying to get me in the sack by date 2!) And since I decided to follow his lead and wait until he makes that move, he now has me quietly going insane...in a delightful way, of course .


My question is this; I noticed that he has been using the "L" word more and more often when it is pertaining to me..."I love seeing you", "I love being with you", "I love talking with you" etc....and I have a feeling that the big "L" word announcement is coming here shortly....what if I am not ready? I know that there are a lot of posts from women asking if they should say it first...but what if he says it and I am not ready to answer in kind?


I care for him, and I would really like to see where this relationship goes...but I have only been in love twice in my life - one I was married to for 10 years, the other I dated for 5 years. But after only 2 months....? I know he doesn't treat it lightly either. I respect him for keeping us on a slow schedule when it comes to physical intimacy, I know that we are getting to know one another so much better by keeping that just on the fringe...but what if emotionally, he is ahead of me? How do I keep him from running for the door if he tells me he loves me and I can't reciprocate at that time?
I agree with Firenrain. Talk to the guy and make it clear you're just not ready to go there yet. He may have fairy dust in his eyes at this point but keep him based in reality about how you feel.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #6  September 20,2008, 10:04pm
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tweet37,265663 wrote :

Two months and you haven't had sex yet?? Over and out.
That's so wrong.....
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #7  September 20,2008, 10:13pm
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alwaysbusy6, wrote :

what if emotionally, he is ahead of me? How do I keep him from running for the door if he tells me he loves me and I can't reciprocate at that time?
Really most relationships...one is emotionally ahead of the other. The "trick" is for the other to just give their partner time to decide if the relationship is going to mature further...or it is better to seek someone else.


I think you are worrying yourself and therefore putting additional pressure on your feelings. Enjoy getting to know him....if he should say he loves you...be honest how you feel and explain. Really there is no way for someone to know for sure if their partner feels the same...so someone just has to go out on a limb and say the words.


If you do feel he may run...i do feel that is a normal reaction of hearing someone doesn't feel the same. However, a partner that truly cares will look at the whole picture and talk with you about it either at the time or after they have had some time to think about it. Anyone that runs without a word would be hurt even more by dishonesty so be truthful but kind.


I really feel two months is early to really be fully in love...that is more like the beginning of love for most people. It sounds nice that you both are moving slowly and seeing the real qualities of your relationship. Communication is the true foundation and it sounds like a talk with himmight be a good way to diffuse your fears.
 
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