How long should I wait for chemistry?

How long should I wait for chemistry?

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How long should I wait for chemistry?


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8971linda is offline 8971linda Post #21  October 26,2007, 7:29am
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I've been "dumped" by guys I refused to bed. Their "excuse"--lack of "chemistry". My view--free of STD's.
 
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8972Sarah is offline 8972Sarah Post #22  October 26,2007, 9:20am
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To Amy K
I think sometimes we get in our "own way". sometimes we can build up monsters trying to "think" inside someone else's head. You said you had a fear of rejection and that is what prevented you from initiating any type of physical (and by that I don't mean sleeping together) intimacy to at least see if a spark is started. If this is how you are in general, you'll probably be that way with the next guy you get involved with until you get over your fear and break that pattern. What is the worse that can happen? Rejection? Ok, get past that, it's not going to kill you, it won't be the first time and probably won't be the last. YOU could be missing out on another layer of a relationship that seems to be going great because your fear is holding you back. It's up to you and him to decide how you both wish to procede. Initiating physical intimacy doesn't have to lead to sleeping together and today's society automatically assumes it does. You said your experiences with him is what Willie described. It seems to me that you have the chemistry already what are you questioning? Is it the sexual chemistry? "Chemistry is multifaceted it isn't just "one" thing. There are people you can be attracted to, but you wouldn't necessarily want to date them. There is only one way to find out if you're attracted to him and that is by initiating a physical intimacy and only you can decide if you want to get past your fear of rejection (which often time can be a touch of pride) All of us will experience rejection in our lives at some point whether job related or personal and if we can't deal with it, then we're in for a lot of road blocks.

Mike: You wanted to know what chemistry really was. It's very individual and it can be different things for different people, What one person may describe as chemistry may not suit someone else. We're all caught up in Hollywood's version of what "chemistry is". The fireworks going off and rockets soaring when we kiss. That's the physical part of chemistry but what about the stimulating conversation you have with someone, the way someone makes you feel emotionally, spiritually. None of this is talked about, we only emphasize the physical. I've learned the hard way that if physical chemistry is all a relationship has going for it and none of the other qualities are there, then that relationship is doomed. No you can't light a fire without a spark, but you need some fuel that can burn consistently over time to sustain that fire. Mike, di dyou actively seek this woman out? Did you call her up? Did you make dates with her? Did you actively pursue her? Or did was she the one making all of the effort to see you and you received her attention. You said you missed her when she wasn't around, did you tell her that? What did you do about it when you missed her when she wasn't around? Were you active or passive in that short-lived relationship. Women don't like to always be the one to chase down a man and put all the time and effort and energy into getting together and if that is how things were with you two (not saying they were, I don't know) then she probably felt that you weren't showing enough interest there and decided to move on to someone who "showed" her that he wanted to be with her, rather than be with someone who was just "available to be with her'
When you find yourself consistently (not sporadically) wanting to be with someone and making the effort to do so, when you are actively engaging that person to share time and attention with you. When you "want" to be with them because of the way they make you feel and the way you feel when you're with them, and those feelings range from sexual attraction, intellutual attraction, fun.. just the whole range of emotions, then you know the chemistry is there. When you plan time and dates to do things together, when you think of something that reminds you of that person and you want to share it with them, that's chemistry. But that's just my definition.
 
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8982smilingeyes is offline 8982smilingeyes Post #23  October 26,2007, 12:07pm
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TO ADAM
FROM SMILINGEYES.

Your response is truley, true, but is it right for a "man" "woman" to hurt another in that releationship over the sense of so called appearance,of which he/she was aware of from the start of this relationship,in which I have to tell you, I look good for my age of 48,and to make a hurtfull statement to either sexes of this kind, is "CRUEL",instead of just saying ,I need time and space, that would of been the best for either sexes.
 
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9026Ashley is offline 9026Ashley Post #24  October 27,2007, 12:31pm
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Sarah,

I love the way you defined chemistry. What you said is very true and it has helped me a lot just by reading your perception of a relationship. Very well said. Thank you so much!

Ashley
 
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9045Paul is offline 9045Paul Post #25  October 27,2007, 9:55pm
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Thank you to all for posting such insightful viewpoints. As most of you, I've been in similar situations, and some that I found very confusing. Have you ever been around someone that you initially didn't find physically attractive, but after spending time with them working, or with a group of other people, found yourself drawn to them? I think when we speak of "chemistry", there actually is a chemical make-up that draws people together or repels them apart; I've been around some girls that just the way she smelled wearing a great perfume created a powerful attraction, and then found a physically beautiful girl wearing the same perfume smelled totally different...even repulsive. I've learned that the girls I find a strong chemistry with are the same girls that smell great in the perfume they're wearing.
 
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9050Jenna is offline 9050Jenna Post #26  October 27,2007, 10:53pm
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I meet a great guy through E-Harmony when we meet it was like lighting stricking right off and then he brought me into his family and we spent as much time as possible and then I felt like the cooled his jets a little it was a sort of long distance and he didnt like to call or comunicate through the week I respected that but then he never showed up or called after seeing eachother every weekend for months I feel like he owed me at least a explanation of what he was feeling and what happened and if he was pursuing someone else he should of told me not just dropped me off the earth no calls no emails and no show and all along he told me he loved me I dont get it and he is the type of guy I thought always did the right thing and I feel cheated and shammed for playing such a fool now talk about distrust issues but I dont want him to win I will try again when I am ready but carefully for sure. He knew how I felt about honesty and I thought he did also. Any suggestions why a guy would do this
 
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9067Liz is offline 9067Liz Post #27  October 28,2007, 8:57am
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A comment for "smilingeyes." I understand your hurt and humiliation and a similar thing happened to me after a year long relationship. It all seemed so wonderful, but when I look back, there were signs that this wasn't going to last, but I ignored them. It isn't right when someone rejects you in a way that is degrading, or when they try to turn the tables and make it some fault of yours. Realize that this isn't the type of person you want to spend your life with. They have shown you a very weak and cruel side of their personality--I doubt they will change. I always reassure myself by remembering that I was honest and caring in the relationship and I know I can find someone who will appreciate that and return those feelings.
 
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9082Maureen is offline 9082Maureen Post #28  October 28,2007, 5:16pm
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Finally! I have been looking for info on chemistry development and glad you explained it a little further. I'm new to dating again and it's been a long time since I felt that chemistry! Sounds like a little patience is needed.
 
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9101Gina is offline 9101Gina Post #29  October 29,2007, 9:52am
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I for one have met someone on Eharmony recently and experienced that "chemistry" that we are all here discussing. It began with the first email message. We wrote to each other for a couple of days then graduated to the phone. Our first phone conversation was over an hour and we just never ran out of things to talk about. I actually remember saying to him "We have such good chemistry on paper and over the phone, let's see if we can do this in person". And we had our first date that night. I remember all night the intensity building...the long stares into each other's eyes, the laughs, the conversation. All of it for me was a build up and I remember all I could think about was how wonderful it would be to get even a hug goodnight. I generally like to keep first dates somewhat brief, but we were having such a good night we were together from about 6pm until 1:30 AM the next morning and I STILL did not want to say goodbye. As soon as we had our first kiss goodnight (and we did not make out, it was a very nice soft quick kiss) I knew that the chemistry was there.

We have since spent practically all our free time together, and those butterflies are still in my stomach when I see him, when he calls, when I get a text message.

Trust me when I say, when there is chemistry there, there is NO DOUBT. After dating nice men, without the chemistry, you definitely know when you find the one who gets the blood pumping.

Best of luck to everyone. Be patient, it is WELL worth the wait.
 
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9116varenka is offline 9116varenka Post #30  October 29,2007, 7:34pm
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Chemestry is something that has to happen in both sides. To my experience, It's something that happens instantly or it doesn't. Time will only leave you with a broken heart and a bad relationship. Don't hurt yourself and go on. There are plenty of frogs to kiss out there. If one doesn't work, there will be another. So please dont feel bad about yourself, don't waste your time. LOVE AND CHEMESTRY ARE OUTTHERE WAITING FOR YOU.
 
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