I am in the navy, so I spend plenty of time around men. Unfortunately, when I go out on dates it's suddenly like the men I am friends with are completely different from the men I date and I can't relax. I get so nervous that I actually shy away from dating to avoid being uncomfortable. I need help!!!

Dear TuffLuv,


Hi! Welcome to these eHarmony Advice boards and it's good to have your post.


First, let me thank you for your service to our country!


Well, many people experience what you experience and so you're certainly not alone. It's like anything in life, the more you do it, the better you will become at it.


In the Navy, you have an MOS and you've most likely received training and a lot of practice in your field. Believe it or not, it's the same thing in dating. The more you date, the more adept you will be at dating.


Most everything we do is hard in the beginning until we learn how to do it. Dating is no different. Simply treat your date in a friendly fashion, just as you do your friends, establish proper boundaries (you don't want people gossiping about you and Navy guys (and they're not alone in this)do gossip about what's going on sexually with a girl), and remember what dating is all about.


It's about seeing about a person, getting to know the person, and seeing if the relationship will lead to love and marriage over time. Keeping in mind it takes at least one full year of getting to know a person (two to three years if you're in your early 20's), don't hurry anything, take things slowly. develop a solid foundation which takes time, and build on the foundation.


Remember, too, that God's standard is for sex for after marriage only and within marriage only. It's designed with our very best interests in mind and will keep you from a lot of heartache and accompanying gossip.


Men are men are men. There's a lot of drinking in the military and it's important not to let yourself get in a situation where you may be date raped or where you and your date are drunk and things happen. You don't want to ruin your career, not to mention your reputation.


It's important to understand gender differences and there's some books out there that can help with that. You've probably heard of John Grey's, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.


There's some others like Bill and Pam Farrel's, Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Life Spaghetti that will give you a good understanding of gender differences.


For example, men to bond overan activity, i.e,mini-golf,rather than like women who can bond sitting over coffee.


Just be yourself, have fun, and don't worry. Be confident (even if you're not feeling that way the guy doesn't need to know), perpare in advance some things you can talk about in case you get nervous and can't think of anything, and focus on the other person. Remember, people tend to like to talk about themselves.


Write and let us know how you're doing.


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