Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Ask a Dating Expert See what our experts have to say, and then weigh in with your own advice. This discussion board is a great place to discover the wisdom of the group.

Reply
Page 1 of 18 1 2 3 11 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
eharmonyadvice eharmonyadvice is offline
eharmonyadvice's Avatar

Moderator

Join Date: Oct 2007

Posts: 852

See profile







Leading up to Valentine's Day, best-selling author and relationship expert John Gray served as a guest moderator on this eHarmonyAdvice discussion thread.John Gray is the author of 15 best-selling books, including Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, the number one best-selling relationship book of the last decade.

John Gray's focus is to help men and women understand, respect and appreciate their differences. In his new book, Why Mars and Venus Collide, he provides practical tools and insights to effectively manage stress and improve relationships at all stages by creating the brain chemistry of health, happiness and lasting romance. For more on John Gray and his new book, visisit www.marsvenus.com.

[b]
- February 8th, 2008, 04:30 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
eharmonyadvice eharmonyadvice is offline
eharmonyadvice's Avatar

Moderator

Join Date: Oct 2007

Posts: 852

See profile



Let's kick things off, John, with a question we hear all the time:

What is the biggest mistake men and women make at the very beginning of relationships?
- February 10th, 2008, 07:40 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
John_Gray John_Gray is offline
John_Gray's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 23

See profile

Men and women too often sabotage relationships by repeating ineffective patterns. I think most people don't take the time to fully understand their failures before jumping into the next relationship. I can understand why. It can be very painful to truly assess why a relationship ended, to take complete stock of all the dynamics, to take ownership. That kind of self awareness and objectivity is hard work. But is crucial to make sense of what went wrong in the past to be able to build a new healthy connection. Only when we close the door on the past and emerge with new understanding can we be fully trusting and confident in a new relationship.
- February 10th, 2008, 07:59 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
NancyG NancyG is offline
NancyG's Avatar

Pacesetter

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 491

See profile

What's the best way (either behavioral or verbal) to reassure a man who's shy of commiting to a realtionship that you don't want or need marriage? How to keep him from feeling pressured just because you want to see him on a regular basis?
- February 10th, 2008, 08:00 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
eharmonyadvice eharmonyadvice is offline
eharmonyadvice's Avatar

Moderator

Join Date: Oct 2007

Posts: 852

See profile

What are your thoughts on online dating? What do you see as some of the challenges singles face when these new avenues to meet potential partners?
- February 10th, 2008, 08:12 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

John_Gray John_Gray is offline
John_Gray's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 23

See profile



I think it's an incredible gift. It's a great option to have when our lives are busier and more stressful than ever. I know so many couples who have met on eHarmony and I always recommend it as a fantastic service. Everyone can use a little help. So I always say go for it, give it a try.

However, I would give people some words of caution. Don't come to the table thinking everyone you are connected with will be perfect. And you can't be singularly goal driven. It's a process.

You need to approach online dating as a means to create a richer social life. It is a way to gain a variety of educational experiences. It is a way to explore who you are, to experiment with aspects of yourself. It's crucial to view dating as a way to nurture your own growth not just find "The One." This more mature perspective takes the pressure off significantly. It allows you have more fun and create more positive dating experiences.

Men and women also have to remember that what is most attracitve to others is when we are most authentically ourselves. When you are fulfilled in your own life by friendships, work, interests, you create the foundation that is most magnatizing to the opposite sex.

Make yourself happy first. Then you relive your partner of the pressure to make you happy and instead give him/her the opportunity to make you happier.
- February 10th, 2008, 08:31 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
choirbelle choirbelle is offline
choirbelle's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 9

See profile

i choose to be celibate outside of marriage. when i tell people that, i get a lot of raised eyebrows. they don't even want to hear an explanation. i have not found a man willing to wait to get to know me first. and if i kiss them goodnight, i have been called a tease. i have tried on line dating services that cater to people of my faith, but even on those sites, there doesn't seem to be anyone who shares my committment to purity. in this day and age, am i doomed to be single?
- February 11th, 2008, 06:38 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
ButterflyClown ButterflyClown is offline
ButterflyClown's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 8

See profile



I have a question about reciprocity. I have a good job and earn a fairly comfortable living. My last two serious relationships were with men who did not earn nearly as much as I do, which was fine with me, because I have never looked for a man based on what he earned, nor associated his value with his paycheck/portfolio. These relationships ended because I felt so drained as I was the one doing the major portion of the giving in the relationships. Is there another way to approach this problem?

I read in one of your books some time ago how a woman needs to need something in order to be an attractive potential partner. Because of the level of self-sufficiency I've attained, I don't have those types of needs. But my paycheck does not keep me warm at night. Have you any words of wisdom on this topic? Thanks.
- February 11th, 2008, 07:10 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
tennisplayer tennisplayer is offline
tennisplayer's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 2

See profile

NancyG wrote :
What's the best way (either behavioral or verbal) to reassure a man who's shy of commiting to a realtionship that you don't want or need marriage? How to keep him from feeling pressured just because you want to see him on a regular basis?
Hi Nancy,

I would love some advice in this area myself. I was married for 30 years and he is a 49 year old bachelor. He has never lived with anyone nor been engaged. I think we are extremely compatible but I'm afraid of scaring him off with any mention of commitment. We are great friends and the sex is wonderful; what more could one ask for?!
- February 11th, 2008, 08:31 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
themagpie themagpie is offline
themagpie's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 1

See profile



It just so happens I'm reading your book, Men Are From Mars....

I am wondering just when the woman gets to talk if the man is in retreat mode. It's kind of hard to sit around and wait for them to come back when you have the need to speak up right then!
- February 11th, 2008, 09:01 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 18 1 2 3 11 Last »

Bookmarks

« if not new, please point to the open thread | Array | Friends First or No? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Lest we have forgotten it the crux of the OP:First ambiguous problem- met online... saw posting and set up a date or EH GC for a month then OC for another month?Second: I could hardly believe they ... ” – my5cents

Join the “Does a woman's financial well being, profession, and wage matter to the men?” discussion

“There's no such thing as "important dates." Treat someone in a way which is sustainable forever. I don't now, and surely never will, remember "dates." What's unsustainable about remembering ... ” – meri75

Join the “How "date oriented" (anniversaries, birthdays, etc) are you?” discussion

“ It has been 5 days since she didn't respond to my last e-mail. If my Saturday date doesn't go well I will probably e-mail her... but I figure after 5 days the match is dead.” – mikeinor

Join the “Does self employeed = dead beat?” discussion

“ Do I have horns sticking out of my head that I'm unaware of??? lol Who wouldn't like a hug-able, fuzzy, cute, panda? I would!!” – PY_2

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion

“Heres a News Flash from a former official Phone Company Employee.The phone cops will not get after you if you don't answer your phone immediately (as in when driving). Likewise the Text cops would ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Has Texting Become the Scourge of the Dating World?” discussion

“ No one has responsibility for abuse except the person committing it. No one is arguing against the idea that she could use some help taking care of herself in this situation and in any ... ” – littlebluemonkeymind

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“ Was there a party I missed tonight? I thought only 2 were on the schedule! Did you miss me? ” – VB_Girl

Join the “Gimme some Friday Night Roll Call !!!!” discussion

“I think this is more of a chick question. Not a single male friend of mine ever obsessed because "she won't let me call her______." Or "I want to get married but she won't commit." I know I'll get ... ” – roguewolf1

Join the “Relationship "labels" - how important are they to you?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:35 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0