How long should I wait for him to say "I Love You?" It's been 9 months.


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lovestennis73 is offline lovestennis73 Post #1  July 13,2008, 9:29pm
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. He hasn't told me he loves me yet and so I decided to just come out and ask. I said 'Do you like me a lot or do you love me? It's been 9 months and I just want to know. There is no right or wrong answer." His reply "Somewhere in between the two." Then he said "I don't know."


I respect the fact he doesn't say it if he doesn't know and won't say it just to please me. His honesty is one of the many things I love about him. I have told him I love him and he definately knows. I don't want to say it again because it's just too sad for me, knowing I won't hear it back. I would really like to wait for him to say it and not put any pressure on him or try and force it to happen.


So here is my question. How long should I wait for him to 'know'? Right now I feel a huge void in the relationship. There have been so many times I wanted to say 'I love you' and I felt I couldn't, which hurts me a lot.


If he doesn't know by the time we hit the one year mark, I am seriously considering ending the relationship. As much as I love him, I can't be in a relationship where I am not loved. I don't want to be so mechanical about it and put deadlines on those 3 words, but to me, it's very important not only tofeel I am loved, but to hear him say it.


The fact he doesn't know after 9 monthsis hurting me and I am actually becoming resentful of him. Sometimes I end up crying when he's asleep next to me, just because I feel I deserve someone who loves me and I can't believe I am with someone who doesn't. It's going to be terribly hard to leave, but this is killing me, emotionally.


Yes, he does know it bothers me. He doesn't know about the 1 year deadline though. In an email, I wrote 'I can accept that answer for now, but down the road, if you don't feel the same and it's just not there, you need to let me go so I can find that.' He never responded to it.


Your thoughts?
 
 
kelygirl83 is offline kelygirl83 Post #2  July 13,2008, 9:39pm
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I'm sorry but you can't give a deadline. Its not an assignment where you can say "Please turn in love by this date or you have failed dating me". Give him time.
 
 
lovestennis73 is offline lovestennis73 Post #3  July 13,2008, 10:08pm
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How much time is the question I need answered. I can agree that 1 year is a deadline and I can toss that aside. It doesn't have to be exactly 1 year, I just have to know when I should throw in the towel. I love the guy, but hate how I feel in this relationship now. It's empty and lonely because I don't feel loved.
 
 
DanielTheMan is offline DanielTheMan Post #4  July 13,2008, 10:30pm
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lovestennis73, wrote :

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. He hasn't told me he loves me yet and so I decided to just come out and ask. I said 'Do you like me a lot or do you love me? It's been 9 months and I just want to know. There is no right or wrong answer." His reply "Somewhere in between the two." Then he said "I don't know."


I respect the fact he doesn't say it if he doesn't know and won't say it just to please me. His honesty is one of the many things I love about him. I have told him I love him and he definately knows. I don't want to say it again because it's just too sad for me, knowing I won't hear it back. I would really like to wait for him to say it and not put any pressure on him or try and force it to happen.


So here is my question. How long should I wait for him to 'know'? Right now I feel a huge void in the relationship. There have been so many times I wanted to say 'I love you' and I felt I couldn't, which hurts me a lot.


If he doesn't know by the time we hit the one year mark, I am seriously considering ending the relationship. As much as I love him, I can't be in a relationship where I am not loved. I don't want to be so mechanical about it and put deadlines on those 3 words, but to me, it's very important not only tofeel I am loved, but to hear him say it.


The fact he doesn't know after 9 monthsis hurting me and I am actually becoming resentful of him. Sometimes I end up crying when he's asleep next to me, just because I feel I deserve someone who loves me and I can't believe I am with someone who doesn't. It's going to be terribly hard to leave, but this is killing me, emotionally.


Yes, he does know it bothers me. He doesn't know about the 1 year deadline though. In an email, I wrote 'I can accept that answer for now, but down the road, if you don't feel the same and it's just not there, you need to let me go so I can find that.' He never responded to it.


Your thoughts?







Is he aliterrit if so he just cant say.
 
 
DanielTheMan is offline DanielTheMan Post #5  July 13,2008, 10:32pm
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kelygirl83,170000 wrote :

I'm sorry but you can't give a deadline. Its not an assignment where you can say "Please turn in love by this date or you have failed dating me". Give him time.
well time is ok but to just say love you its siple and shoud not be a problem
 
 
japaneseblueeyes is offline japaneseblueeyes Post #6  July 13,2008, 10:34pm
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Is all you need three simple words or is there much more missing?
 
 
last12C is offline last12C Post #7  July 13,2008, 10:53pm
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I usually "throw in the towel" when I "hate how I feel in the relationship".
 
 
Ciao_eh is offline Ciao_eh Post #8  July 14,2008, 3:36am
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I guess I am more of a cynic here-- or maybe it's a long term optimist.


If, after dating for 9 months a guystill thought he liked/MIGHT love me, I hope I would have the strength to end it and move on (even if I was in love). I feel like we each deserve someone who is truly committed to us and shares love openly and comfortably--why settle for less? I believe we each deserve to findWallace Stegner's "angle of repose". The angle at which two people lean against one another without either one toppling over--if one side is in love and the other is not, one of us will topple.


Or as my grandmother said to me: "if you have to ask yourself if you are in love, then you are not."


Wishing you all the best, whatever you decide!
 
 
honey28 is offline honey28 Post #9  July 14,2008, 4:43am

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No offense Lovestennis.....but in my book, if he can't/won't give you what you obviously need emotionally at this stage in your relationship, I think you should leave; at least for enough time so that you can evaluate the situation, and re-evaluate this 'relationship'. This will give him time to think about your worth to him, and help you get some space to breathe and think about whether you really should continue with this relationship. When a relationship stops feeling good, and begins to make you sad or eat away at your self-estem, it is not healthy, for either party. As you have stated, you are starting to feel "resentful". By harboring your resentment to hold onto him and this relationship, you are doing yourself a serious disservice. You deserve more than this, don't you think?


By the way....by him not saying it when prompted (and needed)by you, don't you think you already have your answer?
 
 
Mia21972 is offline Mia21972 Post #10  July 14,2008, 6:04am

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Your relationship is out of balance. If you can live with it and you love him, then live with it. But, if you can't live with it, despite loving him, you must tell him that and say goodbye. He will either realize what he's missing, (don't know what you've got until it's gone), or you will realize that there is something better for you. Sure, it's going to suck to make that break and you're going to cry, but it is far better to pull that band aid off quick than to let it linger. Get a ne hobby and back away from the ice cream. Sending you the love and strength...
 
 
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