How long should I wait for him to say "I Love You?" It's been 9 months.


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mustluvlife is offline mustluvlife Post #71  May 15,2009, 12:06pm
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So....do you feel loved. I mean, lets be serious, better to feel it and not hear it, than to hear it and not feel it.

Get hung up on feeling it, not hearing it.
 
 
bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #72  May 15,2009, 5:29pm
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I would be wary of his emotional health if he does not say it within a year.
 
 
redheavens is offline redheavens Post #73  May 15,2009, 6:29pm
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lovestennis73 wrote :
How much time is the question I need answered. I can agree that 1 year is a deadline and I can toss that aside. It doesn't have to be exactly 1 year, I just have to know when I should throw in the towel. I love the guy, but hate how I feel in this relationship now. It's empty and lonely because I don't feel loved.

The answer to your question is in the last sentence of your paragraph. Its empty and lonely because I dont feel loved. Listen to your gut, not what your heart feels or what your brain trys to rationalize as to why he has not said it. Either he feels it or he doesnt. The question is do you stick around and be unhappy or go ahead and move on. If you feel this unhappy it will put more stress on the relationship. Just the fact that he knows you love him and he doesnt know is adding stress. I think 9 months is honestly enough time to decide how you feel about someone. Ask yourself why your really sticking it out. You said you love him but examine your self before making any choices. Are you sticking around and hoping he will change because you love him or is it some type of fear of being alone?
 
 
ngawildflower is offline ngawildflower Post #74  May 18,2009, 2:55pm
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[quote=Ciao_eh;160448]I guess I am more of a cynic here-- or maybe it's a long term optimist.


If, after dating for 9 months a guystill thought he liked/MIGHT love me, I hope I would have the strength to end it and move on (even if I was in love). I feel like we each deserve someone who is truly committed to us and shares love openly and comfortably--why settle for less? I believe we each deserve to findWallace Stegner's "angle of repose". The angle at which two people lean against one another without either one toppling over--if one side is in love and the other is not, one of us will topple.


Or as my grandmother said to me: "if you have to ask yourself if you are in love, then you are not."


Wishing you all the best, whatever you decide![/

I've been dating my guy almost 2 years and he has not told me he loves me yet. I've wondered the same thing. Your post really helps me as this was what I'd really been feeling deep inside but thought maybe I was just being to selfish thinking that I deserved to be loved like that. Thanks.
 
 
bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #75  May 18,2009, 3:49pm
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That is a very individual decision to decide when it becomes a dealbreaker.

It is a serious issue because if someone cannot say it then they are carrying some serious baggage.

I am not a huge fan of emotional baggage in a partner. How much negative baggage I would deal with would have to be taken on a case by case basis.
 
 
another 'voice' is offline another 'voice' Post #76  February 6,2012, 11:09am
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Hey, I ask the internet a lot of questions and look for the answer I'm craving. So, just in case my answer is the answer you're craving I'm going to post it so you can at least have that option.

I am almost in the same situation, 6 months. It's really hard, and I don't understand what else they could need before they are able to say/feel it. But, I've heard once before that while women wait until the man is right, men wait until the time is right. If it's a time in his life where commitment isn't really as important as freedom, for any reason, that may be having a bigger say than how great you are together. Does he treat you the way you would like to be treated? Does he treat you like he loves you? If so, maybe what you need is the confidence to stick it out. I'm an optimist, a romantic, and it's awful to not repeat an 'i love you' because you know it will go unreciprocated. My advice is to focus on your love, and continue with your life and being in love. If he doesn't make you feel confident in the relationship and it's importance to him, then that is a reason to cry and tell him it's time to go. If the only thing that could give you confidence in the relationship is this statement, then it must be time to go. Otherwise, your love is a lot to give up.
 
 
barbarella_42 is offline barbarella_42 Post #77  February 6,2012, 4:18pm
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Wow, old thread back from the grave. This topic has been on my mind lately, though, so I'll bite.

My SO and I are a little more than six months together, aside from a very short break three months in. I told him I loved him for the first time a couple of weeks ago while we were on vacation, and he sent it right back at me. We've said it frequently since then, but I *always* say it first. Always.

This doesn't bug me a whole lot, for two reasons: First, he doesn't respond well to feeling pressured, and he's not one to express intimate feelings easily of his own accord. I picked up on both of those things early on. Second, his way of showing love is, well, to show it. It's in the things he does, the way he looks at me, and the fact that he always wants to be physically close, even if it's just our feet touching.

The guy makes me feel very loved, and I often remind myself not to get hung up on the words: Verbalizing love is how I communicate and he'll respond accordingly when I do, but articulating it without a prompt is just not how he's wired. Understanding that really, really helps.
 
 
Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #78  February 6,2012, 5:37pm
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I am closing this thread since the Original Poster (OP) was asking for advice on a specific situation, and the thread is old (see date in the upper right of the first post).

Please feel free to start a new thread! about your own specific situation, or any general topic you're interested in. Go to the homepage of any forum, pull down the Forum Tools menu and pick Post a New Topic.

And welcome to eHA! 
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