Oakley is offline Oakley Post #1  July 10,2008, 7:21am
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Ok, so after analyzing my recent choices in women I have noticed a surprising pattern. I am the rebound guy!! I would like a womens perspective on whatconstitutes a relationship with a guy when thewoman isgetting out of a marriage or long term relationship. Is it because they just want someone to have fun with? Is it that the rebound guy is just a phase?Whatmakes someone a rebound guy? Is it the sex? Is it the timing? Is it the care free nature of the relationship? Do women go back to the rebound guy after a period of time?


I want to know so I can recognize and avoid any further heartaches in the future.





I would like any open and honest advice that I can get about this matter. I am rather confused.[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-undecided.gif[/img]
 
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jerzee is offline jerzee Post #2  July 10,2008, 3:13pm
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You got it right. Its about timing, sex and no commitment. No, you don't usually go back to the rebound guy. You just want to have fun for a while and avoid the pain you're feeling over the breakup.

Steer clear of women who have recently ended a LTR.

Good luck.
 
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argytunes is offline argytunes Post #3  July 10,2008, 4:27pm
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I think there are many men whom women feel comfortable enough to talk with...but not necessarily STAY WITH? Do you find yourself in that type of position?


Anybody...male or female...can take on the role of a sex object if that's the only thing they expect from a relationship. But eventually, one or both parties will probably want to "leave the bedroom" for another location...........like the beach or even a local ice cream shop? [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-tongue-out.gif[/img]


No man or woman should ever be placed in the #2 position indefinitely!
 
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jamaican_punch is offline jamaican_punch Post #4  July 10,2008, 7:05pm
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Most people know if they are the rebound guy. It's something that is discussed up front. If they just want to party and have fun aka "not looking for anything" then you have to decide if that's what you want. Rarely does anyone go back to the fun guy or girl. Just because they've been in a LTR doesn't mean they are not capable of a real relationship. Some people coming out of LTRs have literally been by themselves for years before ending it. They only had a roommate that they spent holidays with. I did it for 2 and a half years before I got divorced and know several men and women that had similar situations. You have to talk to the person and see where their head is at and if they say they only want someone to have fun (sex) with, take them at their word, don't try to make the situation something it's not. And don't waste time trying to repair the damage someone else did. They have to be ready to let go of the BS and nothing you say or do will change it. If you try, you end up damaged in the long run.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #5  July 11,2008, 12:06am
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Oakley, wrote :

Ok, so after analyzing my recent choices in women I have noticed a surprising pattern. I am the rebound guy!! I would like a womens perspective on whatconstitutes a relationship with a guy when thewoman isgetting out of a marriage or long term relationship. Is it because they just want someone to have fun with? Is it that the rebound guy is just a phase?Whatmakes someone a rebound guy? Is it the sex? Is it the timing? Is it the care free nature of the relationship? Do women go back to the rebound guy after a period of time?


I want to know so I can recognize and avoid any further heartaches in the future.





I would like any open and honest advice that I can get about this matter. I am rather confused.[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-undecided.gif[/img]




All of the above Oakley. Both women and men go through this "phase" after a break up. They look for someone to comfort them, validate them, give them a sense that they're not failures, but they actually "use" the other person and it's not a very healthy thing to do unless the other person understands this completley and it's consentual.


"Transitional" relationships don't often last long because of the dynamic of trying to fill up that empty space left in a person after a failed long term relationship.


I'm being very, very careful at this point because I broke up with a guy I lived with for 2 years6 months ago and although I would like to start dating to get to "know" other men, I need to be very mindful that I am still grieving and I can't let that run how I treat other men. I respect people in general and it's important that I take my time so I'm clear about how I feel.I tell the truth about what's going on not because I want pity, but I want the other person to know that I'm aware of my own feelings and things need to go slow.


1 week after the break up, this guy was picking up women left and right . . . he still is, because he can't just "feel" the hurt and get through it. So he's using other women to soothe his ego and making sure I'm around when he's doing it. I can't stand that he's so disrespectful but that's one of the reasons I left him.


So look, if you meet a woman and she says she's recently broken up with someone, I'd be very careful how you proceed. It takes at least a year to get through the gauntlet of feelings from a break up. Sometimes it takes longer and some people think that jumping from one person to another is going to prove they're okay. Never works. You may be a "rebound guy" because you have empathy for the women you're with and that's commendable but you have to think about what you really want froma relationship and start looking for those things.


So red flags would be "I just broke up with . . . . 3 days ago." "I've just separated from my husband." "The bastard abandoned me and my five kids a month ago."


You can get ahead of the game if you simply ask the woman if she's recently broken up with anyone. This will save you a lot of stress and heartache. Get the information first hand instead of after you wake up with her the next mornintg and she's got tears in her eyes because she's thinking about the guy she broke up with. Protect yourself.
 
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Oakley is offline Oakley Post #6  July 11,2008, 8:57am
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jerzee,166006 wrote :

You got it right. Its about timing, sex and no commitment. No, you don't usually go back to the rebound guy. You just want to have fun for a while and avoid the pain you're feeling over the breakup. Steer clear of women who have recently ended a LTR. Good luck.
I should clarify that this last relationship lasted like 7 months. Is that a rebound relationship length?
 
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Oakley is offline Oakley Post #7  July 11,2008, 9:57am
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argytunes,166109 wrote :

I think there are many men whom women feel comfortable enough to talk with...but not necessarily STAY WITH? Do you find yourself in that type of position?


Anybody...male or female...can take on the role of a sex object if that's the only thing they expect from a relationship. But eventually, one or both parties will probably want to "leave the bedroom" for another location...........like the beach or even a local ice cream shop? [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-tongue-out.gif[/img]


No man or woman should ever be placed in the #2 position indefinitely!
This woman is very comfortable communicating with me and being intimate verbally and physically. It is unfourtanate that I meet her when I did. I think we could have had a real shoot at a relationship.[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-undecided.gif[/img]
 
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jerzee is offline jerzee Post #8  July 11,2008, 5:07pm
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Oakley,166855 wrote :
jerzee,166006 wrote :

You got it right. Its about timing, sex and no commitment. No, you don't usually go back to the rebound guy. You just want to have fun for a while and avoid the pain you're feeling over the breakup. Steer clear of women who have recently ended a LTR. Good luck.
I should clarify that this last relationship lasted like 7 months. Is that a rebound relationship length?
7 months is longer than rebound length. My rebound lasted 2 months. It was fun to let go and party for a while but his dependency on alcohol and other substances was becoming a drag.


I'm not one to go back to old relationships. I feel that it ended for a reason and its best to move forward.
 
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Oakley is offline Oakley Post #9  July 15,2008, 6:19am
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jerzee,167099 wrote :

Oakley,166855 wrote :
jerzee,166006 wrote :


You got it right. Its about timing, sex and no commitment. No, you don't usually go back to the rebound guy. You just want to have fun for a while and avoid the pain you're feeling over the breakup. Steer clear of women who have recently ended a LTR. Good luck.


I should clarify that this last relationship lasted like 7 months. Is that a rebound relationship length?

7 months is longer than rebound length. My rebound lasted 2 months. It was fun to let go and party for a while but his dependency on alcohol and other substances was becoming a drag. I'm not one to go back to old relationships. I feel that it ended for a reason and its best to move forward.
So maybe I was more than just a rebound guy? I have a habit of trying to be the knight in shinning armour. Although I like that about myself, I get hurt quite often. People do not play by the same emotional rules as I do. It really does not mean I am a pushover or to easy. I am just very accommadating to peoples circumstances and situations. How frustrating dating is!!!!! It is amazing that people ever get together and stay together. Thank you everyone for your input. I will heal and keep on keeping on. [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif[/img]
 
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japaneseblueeyes is offline japaneseblueeyes Post #10  July 15,2008, 6:37am
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Have you tried counselling?
 
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