Sarah is offline Sarah Post #21  July 24,2008, 2:49pm
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Clint Eastwood as a Puppy. "Do you feel lucky Punk?"

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Oakley, just to chime in with my thoughts and take on your concerns about being the rebound guy. what I'm getting is this: Maybe you're getting stuck in the "nice guy role. He's Mr. Right Now, but Not Mr. Right for me. Women want guys who are a challenge to them (unfortunately women sometimes choose jerks, but you ever notice how jerks have the women always hanging all over them?). I'd advise the same thing with guys who make themselves "too available for women". Pull back. If you're always there providing everything a woman needs, maybe even before she asks, where is the excitement, the challenge? Women are drawn to men, not really to men who while acting as their saviors, also in a way take on a somewhat paternal role too.


It's the same thing for that woman who comes over to her man's house, cooks and cleans for him, is always there for him everytime he turns around. That man is her whole world and she is so in to him. Meanwhile the guy while he appreciates her devotion and will certainly take advantage of what is on offer, starts to take the woman for granted. There is no mental excitement, things have become predictable.


It's ok to be friends with women who are coming out of relationships, but you are not responsible for their happiness and well being. Set boundaries. Stop being the paternal/guyfriend nice guy. Once you get placed in that role, it's hard to get out of it. Even if the woman is sleeping with you, she doesn't find you exciting in the way that she should in order to want to be with you, the way you feel she should. You become more like a comfortable house shoe when you really dont' want that role.


Pull back, be friends but maintain a degree of distance, of mystery, don't always be so available. Turn down some dinner plans, don't always be at her beck and call. If she calls, tell her you've got other plans and then make other plans. Make yourself more exciting and desirable to others so that she'll see you in more than just the comforting role. People want what they can't have or at least what they perceive as hard to get. Make yourself a challenge and let her work her way towards your affections for a change and not the other way around. Good luck.
 
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Sarah is offline Sarah Post #22  July 24,2008, 2:54pm
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Clint Eastwood as a Puppy. "Do you feel lucky Punk?"

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Oakley,166886 wrote :

argytunes,166109 wrote :


I think there are many men whom women feel comfortable enough to talk with...but not necessarily STAY WITH? Do you find yourself in that type of position?


Anybody...male or female...can take on the role of a sex object if that's the only thing they expect from a relationship. But eventually, one or both parties will probably want to "leave the bedroom" for another location...........like the beach or even a local ice cream shop? [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-tongue-out.gif[/img]


No man or woman should ever be placed in the #2 position indefinitely!


This woman is very comfortable communicating with me and being intimate verbally and physically. It is unfourtanate that I meet her when I did. I think we could have had a real shoot at a relationship.[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-undecided.gif[/img]
I think that more than just the length of the relationship should be considered. What type of relationship did you have? Obviously it wasn't satisfactory for you as you are still feeling like a rebound guy even though you've been involved with someone for 7 months.


What is this woman doing with you that makes you feel that you are the rebound guy? What are you doing with her? Maybe thinking about your actions and their actions, writing them down so you can actually "see" patterns of behavior" make them concrete so then you can go about changing them. You don't have to stay in the cycle of being a rebound guy, you can change that behavior, and you don't have to spend a whole lot of money on counseling to do it either. It's going to take some hard reflection on your part of looking at your past relationships, looking at the interactions you've had with youor partners and determining, objectively what you can do to change your behavior. You can't change others, but you can modify what you do and how you interact with your lady friends.


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