Newbie12 is offline Newbie12 Post #1  February 12,2012, 10:14am
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Been dating an awesome girl for a month. Been on like 7 dates and it's clear we're really into each other. Everything is great now, but I have some concerns (all of which are directly due to reading these dang forums):

-I read a lot here about these things being ephemeral and fizzling out ("flash in the pan romance"). Any insight on avoiding this? I realize this is a very hard question...

-I'm getting oddly nervous about the distant future for some crazy reason. We're going slow in reality but in my mind I'm thinking way ahead. The last girl I had a serious relationship with was freshman year of college like 9 years ago. Have dated plenty of girls in the interim, but nothing as seemingly serious as this. I'm getting cold feet about whether she is "the one" for me, and even thinking about kids (though I'd never ever broach this to her) and seeing how we're only mid twenties. Anyways, are these thoughts normal or have I lost my marbles?

-finally, if you find the perfect person is it still normal to want to sleep with that hot girl you see in the bar? By "want" I mean like a few seconds of fantasy--not like going over and hitting on this girl. Kind of like that will Ferrell scene with the therapist in Old School haha. I'm assuming romantically satisfied women also occasionally undress an attractive guy...?

Thanks for reading!
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #2  February 12,2012, 10:42am
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Ok...going to a be a bit blunt here...but get out of your own head! LOL

It's 7 dates...not marriage...not love...not moving in together....7 dates....one month....Enjoy, have fun...stop over thinking it

As far as the last paragraph...having a brief fantasy in your head about a woman is perfectly normal and will probably keep happening until the day you die....

The only time it is ever worrisome is if you are in an exclusive relationship/marriage and you have lost any sexual feelings for your partner and are literally wanting to act on your fantasies....and/or using them to always get yourself worked up around your partner...or you are always comparing other women to your partner and you feel she isn't good enough..

It's only meant to be a little "thought treat" once in awhile...

For everything else....relax, have fun, stop projecting into the future as you will miss paying attention to what is in front of you..This can lead to falling in love with the idea of a wonderful woman and not who you are actually dating....

There is no such thing as the "perfect" woman....every healthy long term relationship will have its ups and downs...and even days when you can love someone...but not like them very much at the moment! LOL...But all of that is WAY ahead of you and possibly not even with this person as once again....it's only been 7 dates!....chill out....

And oh yea...one more time...HAVE FUN....
Last edited by Ingytravel; February 12,2012 at 11:07am.
 
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Newbie12 is offline Newbie12 Post #3  February 12,2012, 10:56am
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Thanks Ingy- you are so awesome
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #4  February 12,2012, 11:08am
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Newbie12 wrote :
Thanks Ingy- you are so awesome

Hope things keep going well for you!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  February 12,2012, 11:16am
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I don't find it unreasonable to think about a future, and whether your new partner fits into it. I think you should be mindful not to scare her off, or project your own imagination onto it, such that you overlook reality.

I would want my partner to be able to satisfy my fantasies, personally. I think I'd not move forward if this wasn't happening.
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #6  February 12,2012, 3:34pm
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What you are going through is perfectly normal. Enjoy. Make sure that she realizes you think she's special.

Maybe stop reading these Boards. They'll drive you crazy with second-guessing if, you don't keep perspective. Heck every boyfriend I've had would have dumped me after a first date if they followed what guys said on these Boards.

Best of luck! Sounds like the start of a wonderful relationship.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #7  February 12,2012, 6:18pm
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Your feelings are probably a good sign that you have found a good match, this is something to celebrate as it is what so many are looking for.

The sizzle and fizzle effect tends to happen when you go too fast when you spend way to much time together rather than letting the getting to know one another unfold naturally and at a realtistic pace. It is an insta-bond with prefessions of commitment and love far too soon.

Now that you have found a good contender for an LTR and possibly the one, realize it will take time and many tests to determine if you are well enough matched to last into the future and kids etc. If this proves to not be the case, at least enjoy a great realtionshp while it lasts.

Finally, be genuine, be kind and patient and be yourself while it all unfolds. Good luck.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #8  February 13,2012, 10:11pm
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Make sure you keep your sanity by maintaining a life outside of your date...dont totally ditch your buddies. Dont get sucked into a vortex.
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  February 14,2012, 9:03am
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I think it's always natural to have a worry that early feelings aren't sustainable, especially if you have had relationships that have fizzled out after the 1 or 2 mark in the past. My best advice to you, as Ingy said would just be to take a deep breath and if you can, try to let yourself just enjoy the relationship right now and stop worrying. It is completely normal to think of the future if you're smitten, but keep in mind you don't have to make a decision today, as you seem to know. And yes, it is also 100% healthy to still be attracted to other people. As long as you recognize it for what it is, an attraction but not a sign your relationship is going into the dumpster, you'll be fine.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #10  February 14,2012, 10:10am
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Normal. All normal.
 
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