myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #1  February 11,2012, 3:34pm
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I just can't understand why I'm not successful in dating. I asked a woman I work with; she said I'm awesome and that women are too blind to see it. Th
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #2  February 11,2012, 3:49pm
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How about reading the past few threads that you already starting asking about dating, how to get dates, etc? You barely posted in them after the first post and never even thanked people for actually trying to help you over the time you have been on here...so many have given up...

I've been on here awhile as have you....and honestly....I never see you take in anything new and are so bitter against women and life....it seems you don't want to try and really learn why you can't get dates....

The Aspergers is just an excuse as there are plenty of people that have this who date and/or marry as we told you....

What things are you doing to actively change your life and outlook? If it's nothing....than you will get nothing in return...

Women and other people want to be around a positive, confident, joyful and giving person....Maybe if you spent time trying to do things in your life to get to that place...than dating would be easier...

As I wrote on another thread...I just haven't seen you try to help anyone else with advice or encouragement, or empathy, or anything positive on other's threads....

I'll say it for the umpteenth time....Before you try dating again...Get to a counselor, work on building your self esteem and learning how to interact better with those around you. Work on the anger and bitterness that you carry around towards women and others...Find and get out to enjoy activities that you may like such as biking, hiking, cooking class, photography....And/or go volunteer to help people in need...Get out of thinking of yourself the whole time and the "woe unto me" attitude...There are people worse off than you that have amazingly positive and joyous outlooks...Going and helping others will help you see this and meet others and help you feel good about yourself...

Yes...I'm pretty blunt here but it's because I'm trying to see what you are going to differently now...You ask questions...but what are you doing with the suggestions?
 
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suzyque is offline suzyque Post #3  February 11,2012, 3:52pm
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myusernamehere wrote :
I just can't understand why I'm not successful in dating. I asked a woman I work with; she said I'm awesome and that women are too blind to see it. Th

Ingy gave you some really good advice. Good advice for us all to follow really. What strategies are you using right now? Are you on EHarmony or Match? Honestly, without online dating I don't know how I'd get a date either!
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #4  February 11,2012, 3:53pm
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Ingytravel wrote :
How about reading the past few threads that you already starting asking about dating, how to get dates, etc? You barely posted in them after the first post and never even thanked people for actually trying to help you over the time you have been on here...so many have given up...

I've been on here awhile as have you....and honestly....I never see you take in anything new and are so bitter against women and life....it seems you don't want to try and really learn why you can't get dates....

The Aspergers is just an excuse as there are plenty of people that have this who date and/or marry as we told you....

What things are you doing to actively change your life and outlook? If it's nothing....than you will get nothing in return...

Women and other people want to be around a positive, confident, joyful and giving person....Maybe if you spent time trying to do things in your life to get to that place...than dating would be easier...

As I wrote on another thread...I just haven't seen you try to help anyone else with advice or encouragement, or empathy, or anything positive on other's threads....

I'll say it for the umpteenth time....Before you try dating again...Get to a counselor, work on building your self esteem and learning how to interact better with those around you. Work on the anger and bitterness that you carry around towards women and others...Find and get out to enjoy activities that you may like such as biking, hiking, cooking class, photography....And/or go volunteer to help people in need...Get out of thinking of yourself the whole time and the "woe unto me" attitude...There are people worse off than you that have amazingly positive and joyous outlooks...Going and helping others will help you see this and meet others and help you feel good about yourself...

Yes...I'm pretty blunt here but it's because I'm trying to see what you are going to differently now...You ask questions...but what are you doing with the suggestions?
Thank you, my friend. You are very wise.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  February 11,2012, 3:57pm
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You may be too awesome. Rare, but it does happen.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #6  February 11,2012, 4:00pm
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To add to Ingy's post.....I remember you stating that you use negatives with women and other such "game" playing strategies. Cut that stuff out and just be yourself, maybe that will also help.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #7  February 11,2012, 4:01pm
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suzyque wrote :
Ingy gave you some really good advice. Good advice for us all to follow really. What strategies are you using right now? Are you on EHarmony or Match? Honestly, without online dating I don't know how I'd get a date either!
She did. It really is hard to follow it when you're feeling very lonely though. When you picture life with a mate, and long for that, it is difficult to believe that switching your focus to enjoying life as a single person will make things better. Focusing on helping strangers is even harder.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #8  February 11,2012, 4:02pm
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Ingy's advice is wise. Trash any books like "The Game", "The Rules", "Dummy's Guide to Picking up Women", "The Pickup Artist", etc.

Better yet, recycle those books. That sorta nuanced approach really impresses the right woman!
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #9  February 11,2012, 4:08pm
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Intimate Connections by David Burns at $8 new / $5 used is a great resource for making the sorts of life changes Ingy points out. The first part is geared towards making the sorts of life changes that will make you a happy person on your own, the second part towards interacting with other people. The author is the chair at the psychology department at Stanford with lots of experience treating people in similar circumstances, so it's a little better grounded than your typical book on the subject.
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #10  February 11,2012, 4:14pm
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harnomygirl wrote :
She did. It really is hard to follow it when you're feeling very lonely though. When you picture life with a mate, and long for that, it is difficult to believe that switching your focus to enjoying life as a single person will make things better. Focusing on helping strangers is even harder.
Why do you find it hard to volunteer and help others?

Also...we have a year or more on you with the OP's posts....we've been trying to help and saying the same things over and over and over again and he hasn't ever mentioned one thing he is doing in his life to make it better over all these years...

Feeling sorry for yourself is not something that I'm going to empathize with when it goes on for years....

Having a bad day here and there....sure....But if you never do a single thing to help yourself or others....

I'm single...many of us on here are single...I don't have children....I can't have children unfortunately due to a brain tumor I have....I also live with pain 24/7 after 3 cervical fusion surgeries...

Sure...do I have some pity party days...absolutely....I also seek counseling when needed, as well as get out of a selfish mode and volunteer for organizations I love, I go to work, I visit and enjoy time with friends and family, as well as do everything I can to live the most joyful life possible...

It's doable....but if a person isn't willing to put in a single bit of effort than nothing will change in their life for the better.
 
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