For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone


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lakecreek is offline lakecreek Post #1  February 11,2012, 1:21pm
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I would like to hear feedback from you ladies for your reason why you put certain men in the friend zone. I know that there are people you will not be romantically interested, but what are things that you see make men belong in the friend zone. I don't have any experience in dating and at 25 years old its harder because most women would assume I'm fully experience, but I have been unlucky guy. At first I assumed it had to do with my race but as I begun to see that is not case. I have read couple articles online things that may have caused me be in the friend zone. They mention being too polite where you agree with everything. Being very sensitive so you won't tip off that person. That situation does fit me as I typically don't be myself. I become this way because I always been told to be a gentle man and be polite. Now, finding out it seems there is such thing of "too nice" what I'm hearing. What can I do to avoid the friend zone?
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  February 11,2012, 4:24pm
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lakecreek wrote :
I would like to hear feedback from you ladies for your reason why you put certain men in the friend zone.
Lake Creek, it's not much different than why men put women in the friend zone.

My recent list
No romantic attraction (poor fitness, for example).
Incompatible spiritual beliefs.
Incompatible ages.
Inadequate career or life skills.
Incompatible long-term goals.

wrote :
I don't have any experience in dating and at 25 years old its harder because most women would assume I'm fully experience, but I have been unlucky guy.
There are people at all ages with minimal dating experience. The simple way to rectify the situation is to go on some dates. I'm in my 30s and went from "minimal dating experience" to a full date calendar, asking ladies out, and going in for the kiss last year.

wrote :
They mention being too polite where you agree with everything.
Common sense, no.. do you like "Yes Men"? Being yourself is usually more attractive than pretending to be somneone else.


wrote :
That situation does fit me as I typically don't be myself. I become this way because I always been told to be a gentle man and be polite. Now, finding out it seems there is such thing of "too nice" what I'm hearing.
You will never be nexted for being too gentle or polite! Those are generally characteristics values in a partner. You can be very polite, while telling someone you completely disagree with them. Watch the US Congress sometime! "My distinguished colleague from Philadelphia..." Don't get some mistaken idea that politeness and gentleness are negative characteristics. Just don't be a doormat. Speak up for what you want and believe!

You are looking for a partner who is compatible with your lifestyle. You are not a blob of jelly with no identity looking for any woman you can conform to out of desperation. At least, I hope you aren't, because that tends to be very unattractive. Cheers, mate.
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #3  February 11,2012, 4:39pm
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OP...How did the ideas of moving to another country, and dating homeless women go? These were your last couple of threads...I encourage others to read them as well as they seemed like jokes to us but he seemed pretty darn set on it..

It seems like the issues with dating have been going on for awhile...

So you have been getting dates now....but getting put in the friend zone? Before you said you hadn't dated at all...

How about telling us more about what happens on actual dates....And does the woman know that she is on an actual date with you? Or are you just saying, "let's hang out"?

If I meet someone online...than what makes me not want a 2nd date is we meet and I just don't feel any attraction towards him...no chemistry...

If I meet in person and I know we are attracted to each other...than something else is missing with our emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection...

It happens....But I have to wonder with all your crazy ideas....where are you trying to meet women and ask them out?
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #4  February 11,2012, 6:00pm
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Ingy, OIC. Lakecreek, dating is not that hard if you spend a bit of time at it. I mean, thing like paying for a decent date site, spending time writing a good profile, etc. eHarmony runs $15/mo if you wait for their special offers and sign up for 3- or 6-months at a time. That's even doable on a college budget. Besides the fact that colleges are typically full of attractive and eligible bachelorettes who also are on a shoestring budget and not expecting top-tier dining.

Why don't you begin where Ingy suggested. Lay out what dates you've been on in 2012, how you got them, and what ended up happening. We're here to help. Dating starts out being hard, but if you work at it you can be a success. And many of us have experience! But you have to want to improve and work at it.
 
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lakecreek is offline lakecreek Post #5  February 11,2012, 10:27pm
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Ingytravel wrote :
OP...How did the ideas of moving to another country, and dating homeless women go? These were your last couple of threads...I encourage others to read them as well as they seemed like jokes to us but he seemed pretty darn set on it..

It seems like the issues with dating have been going on for awhile...

So you have been getting dates now....but getting put in the friend zone? Before you said you hadn't dated at all...

How about telling us more about what happens on actual dates....And does the woman know that she is on an actual date with you? Or are you just saying, "let's hang out"?

If I meet someone online...than what makes me not want a 2nd date is we meet and I just don't feel any attraction towards him...no chemistry...

If I meet in person and I know we are attracted to each other...than something else is missing with our emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection...

It happens....But I have to wonder with all your crazy ideas....where are you trying to meet
women and ask them out?


I would like to go to India still but just so costly. But let put it this way. Maybe I was born in the wrong country. I have to clarify myself that I have not dated anyone but I tried and could not land single date. I'm considering of just giving up though.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #6  February 12,2012, 12:37am
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lakecreek wrote :
I have to clarify myself that I have not dated anyone
Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates!

wrote :
but I tried and could not land single date.
What specific steps did you try?

How many women did you ask out in person?

Did you buy a membership on eHarmony or match.com and fill out your profile completely and add good photos?

Did you post your profile and photos here for review?

I already know the answer to that last one, having perused your posting history, which implies you have not tried as hard as many of us who have had some success at dating. Are you ready to invest one weekend into improving your circumstances? Membership + Questionaire + Profile + Photos + Review and you could be on-track to actually meet some women! If that's too much work, well, you can remain stuck in this rut if you prefer.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; February 12,2012 at 12:40am.
 
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dovegirl is online now dovegirl — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  February 12,2012, 5:20am
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I agree with Shapeshifter...you have to keep trying if you want to be successful. Also his points on being your own person and having your own mind while still being "polite". It's no fun to talk to someone who just agrees with you all the time. Healthy debate is interesting.
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #8  February 12,2012, 6:45am
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There's a television doctor that says we teach people how to treat us. If you treat a woman like a friend then she will look at you as a friend. Through your actions you should be communicating to her that you see her romantically. Whether she reciprocates or not, either way you will have avoided the friend zone.
 
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lakecreek is offline lakecreek Post #9  February 12,2012, 7:57am
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The girls I have tried asking out were a few shy Chinese girls and since I'm a shy person myself. I thought since they are shy and I'm shy we should be on the same level. I have not tried asking out any other race but only Chinese. Most of the Chinese girls I have met are from China. I do like other races but the majority of American women are usually not shy and inexperience so they will expect a certain level of romantic interest that I do not know how to provide. I do not know how to be romantic, so this is why I'm hoping to meet someone who is inexperience. I'm 25 years old and if i were to ask a non shy and experience woman then I can pretty much predict the date will go bad because of what I had mention about myself. Back to the Chinese girls, I asked one in particular I was interested in and she told me she just want to be friends, hence the friend zone idea. I thought she would be excited since she told me she never had a boyfriend or dated before. So I thought this would be a perfect fit for us and she is 26 and I'm 25 years old.
Last edited by lakecreek; February 12,2012 at 8:03am.
 
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Jenky is online now Jenky Post #10  February 12,2012, 8:08am
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myusernamehere wrote :
There's a television doctor that says we teach people how to treat us. If you treat a woman like a friend then she will look at you as a friend. Through your actions you should be communicating to her that you see her romantically. Whether she reciprocates or not, either way you will have avoided the friend zone.
myusernamehere, I do not agree at all. Becoming friends is part of a successful relationship and something that most women, (can not speak for the men) are looking for. There is a difference between being friends and the "friends only" dating category. I have no interest in dating a guy who does not want to be friends. I do agree that showing a a person that you are attracted to them is important, but the two are not exclusive.
 
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