Is he respecting me or is he sleeping with someone else?


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simple<3 is offline simple<3 Post #1  February 10,2012, 7:22pm
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so i met a guy.. on our 4th date.. i told him it wasn't really my thing to sleep with anyone that i wasn't exclusive with and he understood.. saying that it made sense. On our 5th date, things got heated and I changed my mind and it didn't matter whether we were exclusive or not, i wanted him and told him so. i feel this incredible passion and chemistry with him. to my surprise, he had self control and said something like no, no we should slow down, we should take our time.. i want to be good... trying to be good.

So... call me cynical but is he sleeping with someone else or is he trying to really take this slow/respecting what i had said about exclusivity?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #2  February 10,2012, 7:32pm
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He would probably very much like to sleep with you, but based on your prior conversation is concerned that if he does you will assume you two are exclusive.... and he's either not ready for that and/or still seeing (and possibly sleeping with) other women. So... it could be a little bit of fear of being exclusive (and therefore tied down), or really wanting to respect you and not sleep with you until he's sure he wants to be exclusive with you... or a combination of the two.

That's my guess.
 
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Goomph is online now Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  February 10,2012, 7:35pm
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Or have herpes outbreak ? Does that necessarily show on the face, would anyone know ? Just throwing it out there .... It is sort of rare'ish for man to wait. I hope I am wrong.
 
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tink333 is online now tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  February 10,2012, 8:07pm
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Goomph,
LOL? I think the herpes outbreaks only show up where a person has been infected, so no, it wouldn't show up in his face if he had a genital herpes outbreak.

I prefer to think that he is employing some self-control since the OP indicated that she didn't want to sleep with him unless they were exclusive. Perhaps the guy isn't certain about exclusivity yet, and doesn't want to muddy the waters, no matter how enthusiastic the OP is for things to progress.
 
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Goomph is online now Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  February 10,2012, 8:13pm
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tink333 wrote :
Goomph,
LOL? I think the herpes outbreaks only show up where a person has been infected, so no, it wouldn't show up in his face if he had a genital herpes outbreak.
Tink, I wasn't sure where it would show ... So I threw it out there, maybe he is waiting till it clears up was my thinking. My knowledge, thank God, on those thinks is next to zero except on a general basis.

I hope you are right and he is just controlling himself because he really cares for the OP.
 
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suzyque is offline suzyque Post #6  February 10,2012, 8:31pm
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I'm thinking, you've had 5 dates now, maybe it is time to talk about being exclusive with each other? That would be about the time I start thinking about it.
 
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DreamGal is offline DreamGal Post #7  February 10,2012, 9:21pm
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Goomph wrote :
Tink, I wasn't sure where it would show ... So I threw it out there, maybe he is waiting till it clears up was my thinking. My knowledge, thank God, on those thinks is next to zero except on a general basis.
Ignorance on this topic is not bliss, nor is it .

Educate yourself.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  February 11,2012, 2:30am
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Maybe he's trying to keep his word...something that is(I've found) pretty rare in today's society.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #9  February 11,2012, 3:13am
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Saying this: on our 4th date.. i told him it wasn't really my thing to sleep with anyone that i wasn't exclusive with

But doing this: On our 5th date, things got heated and I changed my mind and it didn't matter whether we were exclusive or not, i wanted him and told him so.

Made him do this: no we should slow down, we should take our time.. i want to be good.

He may have determined that you say one thing... then do another and backed away from this flakiness.....Some guys can smell trouble and an offer from you may not be worth it. He may or may not be seeing others...but it was your flip flop behavior that was the turn-off.

Act consistently with what you speak ....and skip the "I'm not that type of girl" speech...particularly when it's not true...Good Luck..
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #10  February 11,2012, 6:14am
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I'd say he's being respectful.

Your biggest concern shouldn't be if he is sleeping with anyone else seeing as you two are not exclusive, it is a non issue. I'd be more focused on how you are going to retrive your integrity in his eyes after sending such a conflicting message.
 
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