Does silence speak louder than words


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AwesomeOne23 is offline AwesomeOne23 Post #1  February 7,2012, 8:38pm
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It's quite obvious, a lot of people love to talk whether it's about themself or things they like. And then there are others that don't say much. Most people struggle with being sociable including me. One of my biggest goals is to be more sociable with women. But the problem has nothing to do with shyness. Most of the time I just don't know what to say. And even when I figure out what I want to say, how would you say it in a way that she will find interesting? What would be some ways I can achieve this goal and is there a certain practice method I could use?
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  February 7,2012, 9:00pm
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wrote :
Most of the time I just don't know what to say. And even when I figure out what I want to say, how would you say it in a way that she will find interesting? What would be some ways I can achieve this goal and is there a certain practice method I could use?
Do you want to know anything about the lady sitting across the table from you besides HOT LEGS? If so, you'll naturally want to make observations and ask questions! Most people are interested in talking about themselves. As far as talking about yourself, do you find your own life interesting? If yes, tell her about it! The right woman will be as interested as you. If you find your own life boring.. well, perhaps you should work on fixing that before you go about dating!
 
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TryingHardToNotTrySoHard is offline TryingHardToNotTrySoHard Post #3  February 7,2012, 9:09pm
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A lot of the time, it's more about how you say something than what you say. For the longest time, I was polite and well-mannered, but had no confidence whatsoever. Women can pick up on that very easily. You have to know where your value comes from (hint: it's not from her liking you) and then, once you do, she'll pick up on that, too. And ShapeShifter79 is right: asking simple questions about her is a great way to get her to open up. If she's interested, she'll start asking questions about you. If she's not interested, just walk away. It's one of those things that gets easier with practice, as does talking about yourself in an interesting way. Try out a few original lines (stress on "original", if you don't have a sharp sense of humor, at least stay away from cheesy lines they've heard 1,000 times) and gauge the reaction. Some will bomb, some will get laughs, and some will draw real interest. Cull the bad ones, keep the good, and keep trying until you find someone. Best of luck!
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #4  February 7,2012, 9:15pm
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For example, I met a woman over breakfast on Sunday. She'd been working at the same job for fifteen years and seemed super-excited about it which I found fascinating, so we talked about it for a bit. That naturally lead into a discussion of my career and my volunteer work, and then our respective alma maters.. and of course football! She wore an unusual pin on her coat, and I asked her about it, and of course there was an interesting story behind the pin. Two hours just flew by!
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #5  February 7,2012, 9:53pm
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I'm not a big talker myself to be honest but I can have a conversation with anyone about anything if they can carry on their part of the conversation as well. I find it interesting to listen to other people talk - pay attention to what people say and it could be about nothing of any significance, but it's conversation...communication is essential and talking about ANYTHING can spark ANY conversation. I've noticed that there's things from my past that I rarely ever remember or things that I'd never think to have a conversation about, but something someone else says can trigger a flash back about a past memory/story that I have that I can have conversation about. Conversation doesn't always have to be super intellectual...talk about how grass feels between your toes, you might be amazed of what comes of it. What's your favorite sound? Mine is the sound of horse shoes on concrete. Silly right? No one cares how silly it is...
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #6  February 7,2012, 10:12pm
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AwesomeOne23 wrote :
What would be some ways I can achieve this goal and is there a certain practice method I could use?
if you want to get good at something, you must practice that thing. wanna get good at talking with women? talk to women. a lot. all of them. about (almost) anything that you want to talk with them about.

it will get easier.

good luck!
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  February 8,2012, 2:35am
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Being a good listener is an asset, and better than boring people with boring autobiographical monologues, mindless small talk, and chit chat. It's actually refreshing..... and not an indicator of 'sociable'

Stop focusing on what to say next, how to say it ,etc.....That's what's holding things up.....it's not really "listening" so no wonder you don't know how to build a conversation.

Spontaneity is the art of real conversation...then it flows...not stilted, mentally rehearsed..."things to say next"......Good Luck...
AwesomeOne23 wrote :
Most of the time I just don't know what to say. And even when I figure out what I want to say, how would you say it in a way that she will find interesting? What would be some ways I can achieve this goal and is there a certain practice method I could use?
 
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jov27 is offline jov27 Post #8  February 8,2012, 3:58am
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In talking with someone, the WITH is really important. It's the give and take. it's not really about interesting monologues at all. If you're really interested in someone, you can ask and listen. And she should also be asking about you. Just try not to give little one sentence answers. That's what makes the conversation hard on the other end. It's fine then to give some information, say something about what you feel, tell a story or some of the history of how you got there. In fact, if you or she find that every question you ask gets only a one sentence answer, the question asker will feel as boring as the answer giver!

It's the give and take, with the smile on your face and in your eyes that let her know you're right there and not bored.
 
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AwesomeOne23 is offline AwesomeOne23 Post #9  February 8,2012, 10:44pm
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Thanks everyone, I'll try being more observant, memorise a few interesting stories and ask a lot of questions. Surely, this will greatly increase my chances of being more sociable with anyone.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  February 9,2012, 1:35am
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Don't do this ...it's a stilted bore:
AwesomeOne23 wrote :
memorize a few interesting stories .
"this will greatly increase my chances of being more sociable with anyone"....

No this won't.....you will be sitting there tuning the person out waiting to tell these boring stories....Be real ...in the present moment....not lame rehearsed stories...that's not a conversation...it's boring autobiographical monologues...the antithesis of "sociable".......learn to think on your feet.....Good Luck..
 
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