Does silence speak louder than words


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tink333 is online now tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #11  February 9,2012, 3:37am
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up late....again.

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I agree with Wiseman.

Don't bring memorized stories to the party. Learn how to actively listen. It mean begin present - hearing what the other person says without queuing up what you want to say while she is talking. Listen intently.

There are many resources available - google 'active listening' to find them. You need to learn to do this not only for your dates, but for your career as well since learning to do this will help you engage in all areas of your life.

Good luck!
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #12  February 9,2012, 5:21am
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AwesomeOne23 wrote :
Thanks everyone, I'll try being more observant, memorise a few interesting stories and ask a lot of questions. Surely, this will greatly increase my chances of being more sociable with anyone.
Please, no boring, stilted monologues or "funny" rehearsed anecdotes that only tangentially relate to the discussion. They are the kiss of death to a great conversation.
 
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barbarella_42 is offline barbarella_42 Post #13  February 9,2012, 7:06am
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I believe it was Mark Twain who said that if you want to be considered a brilliant conversationalist, be a good listener. That said, listening is something one does with his or her entire being. It means being attuned not only to words, but also to tone of voice, body language, gestures, and other non-verbal communication, and responding accordingly.

Being a good listener also means being other-focused in the sense that you make conversing with you an enjoyable experience. That doesn't mean agreeing with whatever the person says or just letting her ramble, but rather asking appropriate questions in a way that the other person finds engaging, i.e. not shooting them off like a machine gun before she finishes a sentence.

If you can develop the ability to produce off-the-cuff witty responses when it's appropriate, that will take you a long way as well.

One pet peeve I have (and I'm thinking of someone I know in real life while I'm writing about this) is when someone uses every conversation as an opportunity to shift focus to themselves. I doubt you do this if you're shy and/or reserved, but people who tend to use "I - I - I - I" heavily in conversations tend not to be particularly interesting or engaging.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #14  February 9,2012, 7:37am
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+1 to 'no memorized stories'. That's as bad as it gets! (Okay, one good one isn't a problem, but that's storytelling not conversation)
Last edited by shapeShifter79; February 9,2012 at 7:40am.
 
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