Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #11  February 9,2012, 8:51am
Ingytravel's Avatar

Naps are one of life's great joys:)

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 8,157

See profile

AwesomeOne23 wrote :
It's not that I'm not interested. It's always wise to have a back up plan just in case things don't work out, that's the way I look at it anyways. For example, having a second job lined up just in case you get fired from your current job. The dating world is no different. You could be dating someone for a long time then suddenly, it dosen't work out and that's why it's wise to have other dates lined up just in case.
What???? No one has a "second job lined up" just in case.....

And either you are in a relationship and want to be exclusive...or you don't and should let the woman know either way...

Being in a healthy relationship is not about "keeping your options open" just in case it doesn't work out....If you are never 100% committed to making it work....I can guarantee that it won't....
Where are you reading or learning all this ridiculous stuff?
 
  Reply With Quote
AwesomeOne23 is offline AwesomeOne23 Post #12  February 9,2012, 8:56am
AwesomeOne23's Avatar

Energetic

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2012

St.Louis

Posts: 30

See profile

harnomygirl wrote :
No. It is not wise.

You have to throw all your eggs into one basket for love to work at all. Relationships are inherently riskier than careers. You can't use the same rules.

You might lose several games, but the potential prize is worth so much more than any job can offer.
I understand. But you can throw as many eggs as you want into that basket, you can even add other stuff to that love basket but that dosen't mean the basket will remain full. Comparing a career to a relationship was a bad example. Instead I will use this example. A relationship is an investement. You put a lot of time, money, attention and support into it. There are risks but also rewards. It's wise to expand your investements and increase your rewards. You can pick only one investement and maybe you will be rewarded. But the thing is...the company or stock your investing in could drop in price or go bankrupt, you never know. But if you have other stocks or investements to back you up.
 
  Reply With Quote
AwesomeOne23 is offline AwesomeOne23 Post #13  February 9,2012, 9:14am
AwesomeOne23's Avatar

Energetic

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2012

St.Louis

Posts: 30

See profile

Ingytravel wrote :
What???? No one has a "second job lined up" just in case.....

And either you are in a relationship and want to be exclusive...or you don't and should let the woman know either way...

Being in a healthy relationship is not about "keeping your options open" just in case it doesn't work out....If you are never 100% committed to making it work....I can guarantee that it won't....

Where are you reading or learning all this ridiculous stuff?
This is good. I'm gaining valuable knowledge and insight too. I just think in a very logical and methodical manner and sometimes that dosen't always help. Ugh, just when I think I've learned everything about the dating world and how your supposed to approach it, I learn something new It can be frustrating sometimes though.
 
  Reply With Quote
Goomph is online now Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #14  February 9,2012, 9:22am
Goomph's Avatar

is boldly going where he has never gone before.

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Aug 2008

Ontario

Posts: 1,236

See profile

Dating is when you are getting to know each other ... Dating, if both parties wich turns into a relationship sooner or later or becomes casual dating.

A relationship is when you are committed toe ach other. And you shouldn't have a second one lined up "just in case things do not work out" when you are in a relationship

I bet any and every woman will sense that you are keeping your options open and will not let things progress.


Maybe you are not ready for a relationship yet ?
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #15  February 9,2012, 9:28am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,286

See profile

You can date around all you want....But "asking her for exclusivity" in order to "take it to the next level" is a play.

So throw this word around if you want to get lucky?....because it basically means nothing.

That's why the round-about "asking for" rather than stating it....because stating it would be a lie....Good Luck....

AwesomeOne23 wrote :
It's not that I'm not interested. It's always wise to have a back up plan just in case things don't work out, that's the way I look at it anyways
 
  Reply With Quote
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #16  February 9,2012, 10:06am
emma_hazards's Avatar

Perky!

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2011

Posts: 1,884

See profile

AwesomeOne23 wrote :
It's not that I'm not interested. It's always wise to have a back up plan just in case things don't work out, that's the way I look at it anyways. For example, having a second job lined up just in case you get fired from your current job. The dating world is no different. You could be dating someone for a long time then suddenly, it dosen't work out and that's why it's wise to have other dates lined up just in case.
Like I said, you really aren't into your girlfriend if your trolling for dates, or back-up plans as you call what you're doing. When people are in love, they aren't out searching for "back-up plans." Relationships are built on trust, and you, based on your comments and activities, really don't get the concept. Are you going to be online when you're married, lining up dates in case you get divorced? Marriage is less than a 50/50 proposition, you know. Best to be prepared.

Honestly, if I were your girlfriend and discovered this was the way you thought, I would walk! Relationships are about investing in another person and growing together. They don't work when one person has one foot out the door and is constantly sampling all the other merchandise.
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #17  February 9,2012, 10:27am
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,378

See profile

AwesomeOne23 wrote :
I understand. But you can throw as many eggs as you want into that basket, you can even add other stuff to that love basket but that dosen't mean the basket will remain full. Comparing a career to a relationship was a bad example. Instead I will use this example. A relationship is an investement. You put a lot of time, money, attention and support into it. There are risks but also rewards. It's wise to expand your investements and increase your rewards. You can pick only one investement and maybe you will be rewarded. But the thing is...the company or stock your investing in could drop in price or go bankrupt, you never know. But if you have other stocks or investements to back you up.
You can't just pick another example that has to do with money.

Obviously, having another job on the back burner helps. I've use that to leverage my salary, and my ex's. The examples you give about investments is true as well.

This is different. Accept that.
 
  Reply With Quote
KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #18  February 9,2012, 2:09pm
KikiAZ's Avatar

posting from the 6th largest city in America

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2011

Posts: 1,648

See profile

That is like going to the pet store and constantly picking out new puppies and keeping them in the shed in case your dog dies.

Except it's women and you only allowed one at a time if you are a honorable man. Stop it! Bad dog!!!
 
  Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #19  February 11,2012, 10:49am
Wonderwoman40…'s Avatar

L'Chayim!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2009

Omaha, NE

Posts: 4,495

See profile

AwesomeOne23 wrote :
I understand. But you can throw as many eggs as you want into that basket, you can even add other stuff to that love basket but that dosen't mean the basket will remain full. Comparing a career to a relationship was a bad example. Instead I will use this example. A relationship is an investement. You put a lot of time, money, attention and support into it. There are risks but also rewards. It's wise to expand your investements and increase your rewards. You can pick only one investement and maybe you will be rewarded. But the thing is...the company or stock your investing in could drop in price or go bankrupt, you never know. But if you have other stocks or investements to back you up.
A relationship is NOT an investment in this sense. To have a successful relationship you do NOT diversify... you focus on one exclusively.

To go about it the way you are, you are only ensuring that ALL your "investments" are going to fail. No one will put up with a relationship with you knowing you're keeping back-ups. No one with any integrity, that is.
 
  Reply With Quote
shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #20  February 11,2012, 11:09am
shapeShifter7…'s Avatar

likes dancing!

Board Leader: Health & Wellness

Joined: Apr 2011

CA

Posts: 2,499

See profile

AwesomeOne23 wrote :
I understand. But you can throw as many eggs as you want into that basket, you can even add other stuff to that love basket but that dosen't mean the basket will remain full.
The reason this analogy is inappropriate, is you don't buy a woman tons of dinners and gifts hoping for an eventual ROI. At least, I never do anything so foolish as that! I spend a small amount at the first meetup (typically, about $8). Granted, that's about two dozen eggs, but if I didn't get a good ROI on those first eggs I don't buy anymore. As it happened, I spent $12 on my girlfriend on our first date and had several hours of enjoyable conversation and an awesome kiss.

wrote :
A relationship is an investement. You put a lot of time, money, attention and support into it.. But the thing is...the company or stock your investing in could drop in price or go bankrupt, you never know.
Stock is a poor analogy--you shouldn't make major investments in a new relationship. A job is a better analogy. You work two weeks, you get paid. You put in extra effort, you get a bonus. There's always the chance they'll go under and you'll be underpaid for those last two weeks. But, generally you get out of it what you put into it.

If my relationship with my girlfriend ended tomorrow I would be sad, but it wouldn't be because I "invested so much" into it without seeing a ROI. In longer relationships (like marriages) such scenarios are much more likely. For example, you could put your spouse through medical school, but they dump you when their career takes off.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; February 11,2012 at 11:11am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Question for all, I need answers | Ask a Dating Expert | New TV show about online dating!! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive? bumblebbee Dating 43 February 12,2012 2:54pm
Would you be exclusive with someone who wants to keep online profile active? itsabeatutifulday Dating 71 January 26,2011 7:59pm
why do so many people think you need a big conversation to make a relationship exclusive? scully98 Relationships 28 January 9,2011 8:22am
Have I Told You Lately ... that we're NOT exclusive? lacedwithhope Dating 37 November 20,2010 2:21pm
Exclusive after only 2 DATES?! Too Soon?! jussmile Dating 59 November 18,2010 7:15am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ...90%????? I'd say it's more like 60 to 70 percent of women who say they offer to pay on the first and subsequent dates, and/or have no problem with going dutch. I'm in the pool of women who ... ” –  legend29

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“I think you were there when he was hurting, and she was there when he wanted fun. He chose fun as a long term partner. That's understandable. The posters who've said you might be a reminder of the ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“ I know exactly where you are coming from. I went in thinking "man, it is just an email. Fire off a response, yeah or nay. What is the big deal?" but the truth is a little more complicated. Plus, I ... ” –  Freezepop

Join the “Guided Communication VS Email” discussion

“ I believe you and I got confused for a second. I didn't hit the Police officer. I hit the lady in front of me and then someone reported the accident and he came to check it out. That's how I met ... ” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“My bf just gave me advice about an adult child. I was in shock. He's never done that before. I didn't think he cared at all. The advice was really good too. It was supportive and I could see ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:50pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0