Chirpy is offline Chirpy Post #1  February 6,2012, 7:31pm
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I had a 2 month pretty intense relationship last fall with a guy I met online. We hit it off immediately, had great chemistry, a lot in common, my friends liked him and I seriously thought this was the best potential in a partner for a very very long time. He was going through a very rough time with his employment, which I understand can be stressful for someone in their fifties and was also in the middle of renovating his house which was causing him a lot of stress. There were several occasions where he cancelled plans at the last minute and on my birthday weekend it all came to a head. On the Friday night while we were at a work function of his, he told me he loved me, we planned to spend the weekend together and I came home Saturday afternoon to get some things done. Then he practically disappeared, ignored my phone calls and only surfaced my birthday evening 2 days later but without a real apology. I only spoke to him once after that to arrange to get my stuff back.

This weekend he sent me a message through the same online website and we spoke for about 20 minutes. We chatted very comfortably about our kids and other interests we had shared and then I asked him why he was contacting me now. He indicated he just set up a quick profile so he could send me a message which seemed odd...why not just call. He told me he was in a different place, his employment was secure and he'd been doing things around the house. He didn't actually ask to get back together but jokingly asked about coming over that evening with a bottle of wine. I then asked him how I could ever trust him again. The conversation ended pretty quickly after that.

Today I noticed that his profile has been deleted. His profile name was "letsfigureitout".

I've had several dates since our relationship ended, but nothing that even closely matched the chemistry or compatability that we had.

This has really got me puzzled and wondering if I should give him another chance?
 
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brokensmile76 is online now brokensmile76 Post #2  February 6,2012, 10:26pm
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I think if he was sincere about trying to win you back, he would have answered your question of trusting him with a genuine response. By him not answering it and pretty much poofing shortly after you said that, shows that he is not really looking to date you. I think that him inviting himself over with wine was also a pretty obvious statement that he was just looking for physical intimacy without bothering with emotional intimacy.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  February 7,2012, 3:36am
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He was seeing if you were game for an "intense" sex-with-the-ex booty call.
Chirpy wrote :
I had a 2 month pretty intense relationship last fall with a guy I met online.

This weekend he sent me a message through the same online website and we spoke for about 20 minutes.

He indicated he just set up a quick profile so he could send me a message which seemed odd...why not just call.

asked about coming over that evening with a bottle of wine.
 
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Chirpy is offline Chirpy Post #4  February 7,2012, 4:38am
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Thanks for the feedback. You are so right! I left out the part that he mentioned coming over for a shag also (we're both from Britain originally and part of the commonality I guess). I took it as a joke at the time.

I must admit it did send me to the "What if" thoughts especially seeing the calibre of dates I've had since. But if he was sincere he would have addressed what happened, how he treated me, accepted accountability for his actions, apologized, etc...he did none of that. When will I learn that basically people don't change the core of who they are. He showed me his true colours on more than one occasion.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  February 7,2012, 5:07am
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There are only two times when people have an "epiphany" and have "changed their ways"...at a parole hearing and when they are backtracking during a dry spell.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #6  February 7,2012, 6:13am
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With that kind of behaviour I'd suspect you aren't the only woman he's seeing and it's possible you're a backup plan.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  February 7,2012, 6:36am
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lol...he wasn't joking at all, he was perfectly serious. He was hoping you are lonely and willing to engage in a little bump and grind that night. If he was ever actually serious about you and respected you, even if he felt like he had to step away from dating because of work stresses, he would have explained to you what's going on and why he is doing what he is doing and asked for time to settle things in his life. He also would have called you like a decent person when things have settled instead of playing this kind of a game.
 
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