So, I bothered.

I think you have a sexual communication issue here.

You spent all day thinking about him and probably wanting to communicate to him that the mind blowing sex that you hoped you'd both would enjoy and didn't isn't something you want him to feel bad about?

You both feel lacking in confidence some of which is serious baggage on your part "you are the first person I could see marrying" to basically poofing on me" - sorry to be harsh but you need to get a grip and get over it.

I think the sex probably failed due to it being too soon and lack of foreplay.

From my experience, I've found the best way to break the ice is by texting. It's easy to flirt by text and you end up making each other smile, it improves confidence and maintains interest. Put some humour in it as well.

I doubt that he is ready for a relationship in four months (if that is not what you are after ignore it). And I have doubts that you are ready for a relationship so soon. And if you just want to date and you know, have fun, why be nervous ? Just have fun ...

I think you should just take a little bit of time off, you asked for our opinion, don't hit me

....it is so rare that I meet anyone who even makes me the least bit giddy.

Concern #1: I'm falling for him and it scares me. We have had two dates and will have our third date this Friday...so that will be 3 dates in a week and a half. My last relationship ended with someone going from "you are the first person I could see marrying" to basically poofing on me. So my confidence is still a bit shattered....

You could choose to back down the pace of meeting, but I'm reluctant to suggest you should.

I believe, that given two people who are capable of developing a healthy relationship, they probably will if given time.

I think planning more leisurely meetings, and beginning to introduce some generic long term plans, is the right way to feel through this.


#2 on the same note as #1 I am super nervous around him and I'm never nervous. Not sure how to feel completely comfy with him sans at least a drink or two. And I don't drink that often....I just have this fear that being myself will drive him away...AGAIN, all from what I recently went through with being poofed on.

I think the odds are good he is oblivious to your nervousness.

Don't hit the bottle too hard, but do propose meetings that make you comfortable.


#3. We got pretty physical fast...we did not have sex. He was very flirty with me and confident and kissed me a lot throughout the night. He was all smiles and a lot of "when are you moving to my area" etc. But at the end of night, both of us tired and and a little typsy he couldn't quite stay "aroused" (not that we were going to have sex, but other attempts did not "sustain" him.) This immediately changed his mood (I think he was embarrased). And with me already feeling my own lack of confidence around him I opted to leave when he invited me to stay the night.

Ouch. I consider walking out to be a mistake.

Now, when next you make an attempt, he will know that if he isn't good enough you will be gone.

I would plan a meeting where spending the night is part of the plan (e.g., necessitated by the logistics, if not expressly designed.)

For me, this could well be the decision that led me to write off a woman, once I went to bed alone.


Now I have had the opinion of two men who told me that when I left after he couldn't "preform" as it were was probably more of a knock to his ego. This idea was kind of confirmed in the fact that he seemed even more saddened as he walked me to my car. I thought about him the entire next day...thinking "oh god, I'm really falling for this guy"....I didn't hear from him until I texted him asking him out again and he responded an hour later confirming he would also like to go out again.
I guess my concerns center around my lack of feeling confident and I'm not sure what to do about it...I still feel so damaged from what happened to me and I wasn't expecting it. I generally charm my way through dates with ease....now its a bit of a struggle!
Also wondering if I added insult to injury by leaving kind of abruptly.