Please tell me what I'm doing wrong


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NotGettingYounger is offline NotGettingYounger Post #11  February 7,2012, 2:00pm
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eharmonyjc wrote :
The 16 year old daughter would be a deal killer for me unfortunately. Maybe that's close-minded of me, but I would have no interest whatsoever in being stepmother to a 16 year old (I'm 29). That being said, I know there are plenty of women who are open to that. Have you been contacting women that are maybe a couple years older than you, or who also have children? Also, many women who are interested in having children will want to see that you have a good job and are financially stable (not rich, just responsible), especially since you had a child so young (many in that demographic do not do well financially). You didn't list that as part of your "features" but it's an important one to many women. I also agree w/ suggestions to post your profile for review in Using eHarmony, and the 5 responses out of 50 is actually pretty good.
At 16, none of us are looking for a new parent and I make that clear in my profile. Your point about income is valid, unlike most "teen parents" I have have turned out quite wealthy by most people's standards- however I am very reluctant to wave that banner around a dating site for obvious reasons. I just say "financially stable". Thanks for the reply.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #12  February 7,2012, 2:17pm
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The problem is most likely that you have a non-adult daughter who is too close in age to the women you are dating. You may have developed a method of dealing with her friends that you are unconsciously carrying over into the way you deal with the young women in whom you are interested.

Another drawback is that your writing doesn't sound either young or forceful.

I know that having a child at an early age can cause someone to mature quickly, but the women you are contacting about a long term relationship do need to know that you can be fun as well as stable.

You should post your profile for review. It would be nice to see a copy of the initial emails you send out as well.
 
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eharmonyjc is online now eharmonyjc Post #13  February 7,2012, 2:51pm
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NotGettingYounger wrote :
At 16, none of us are looking for a new parent and I make that clear in my profile. Your point about income is valid, unlike most "teen parents" I have have turned out quite wealthy by most people's standards- however I am very reluctant to wave that banner around a dating site for obvious reasons. I just say "financially stable". Thanks for the reply.
Even if she's not looking for "a new mom" the woman you end up with will be a part of her life, just like your daughter will be a part of your new woman's life too, hence, being a "stepmother". That is definitely an issue for many many women, no matter how little your daughter "needs" her.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #14  February 7,2012, 3:13pm
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"On the other hand, to my biased eye, I bring a whole lot to the table: Fit, tall, full head of hair, hard-working, mentally and financially stable, don’t smoke, no drugs, highly educated, handy, clean, and polite. As far as my general appearance let’s assume no one would call me ugly. I have never been a big clothes person but I’m pretty sure I come across as normally dressed- if I go out to a restaurant I seem to be wearing about what most other guys my age are wearing."

ANY man I ever go out on a date with will fit your above description. That's just a bare minimum. What else do you bring to the table besides the absolute bare minimum?

Also, I just reviewed your profile and it's a train wreck. I'm not surprised that your results have been abysmal. Start with fixing that. Also, ask some female friends to review whatever photos you are using. They are likely to be a big part of the problem as well. You can always post them here too in your profile album.
 
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NotGettingYounger is offline NotGettingYounger Post #15  February 7,2012, 5:58pm
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harnomygirl wrote :
Another drawback is that your writing doesn't sound either young or forceful.
I'm hoping you come back and see this, could you please clarify the above? Based on the next paragraph I think you mean I need to sound more laid back which makes sense, but then I need to sound more forceful at the same time?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #16  February 8,2012, 1:15am
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1) Do you only want someone to bear you another kid or someone who you want a relationship with?

2) Were you ever married to the mother? Is she in the picture, what is her role? Does your daughter live with you? How often do you see her and what exactly is your role in her life, custody, child support ,etc.?

3) This is not "exceedingly logical"...It is exceedingly foolish... throw out the pick-up artist books and any cocky attitudes that go with it....It will backfire.

If women don't think you are interested in them...they will move on to guys much less encumbered than you at your age in a nanosecond.

Basically you've got a huge drawback at your age with a teenager in tow ...so step off your horse if you want any results with the more desirable women....Good Luck..
NotGettingYounger wrote :
1)A few months ago I decided if I was ever going to have more kids, and I want to, that I was going to have to put some serious effort into finding a significant other.

2)While I am not looking for a mother for her as she is 16 now I had her while I was in high school

3) I am exceedingly logical, to a fault (Example: Why would I tell her she’s pretty? Every other guy has told her that, so she must know it, and be sick of hearing it.) Any other faults on my profile I am too biased to see.
 
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NikkNakk is offline NikkNakk Post #17  February 8,2012, 3:34am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
1) Do you only want someone to bear you another kid or someone who you want a relationship with?

2) Were you ever married to the mother? Is she in the picture, what is her role? Does your daughter live with you? How often do you see her and what exactly is your role in her life, custody, child support ,etc.?

3) This is not "exceedingly logical"...It is exceedingly foolish... throw out the pick-up artist books and any cocky attitudes that go with it....It will backfire.

If women don't think you are interested in them...they will move on to guys much less encumbered than you at your age in a nanosecond.

Basically you've got a huge drawback at your age with a teenager in tow ...so step off your horse if you want any results with the more desirable women....Good Luck..
100% Agree...Especially with #1 about are you looking for someone to bare you another child?

As for you having a teenage daughter. There are going to be women who mind you have a child and they wont contact you, or contact you back. There will be also the women who do not mind that you have a child, or can see them being a step mother in the future. I realize your daughter already has a mother, but a step mom plays a big role in their life. Especially if the daughter lives in the same town as you or lives with you. I had a step mom at your daughters age, and I remember all too well the role she has played.

I have a child (a young one) and dating is difficult and its hard to find someone who is willing to date me or ever see themselves playing a future role in my daughters life if things progress that way. My daughter does not need a father. She already has one. BUT the man who enters my life will play a significant role in her life, period, point blank. Regardless of her age.
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #18  February 8,2012, 8:06am
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DancingFool wrote :
"On the other hand, to my biased eye, I bring a whole lot to the table: Fit, tall, full head of hair, hard-working, mentally and financially stable, don’t smoke, no drugs, highly educated, handy, clean, and polite. As far as my general appearance let’s assume no one would call me ugly. I have never been a big clothes person but I’m pretty sure I come across as normally dressed- if I go out to a restaurant I seem to be wearing about what most other guys my age are wearing."

ANY man I ever go out on a date with will fit your above description. That's just a bare minimum. What else do you bring to the table besides the absolute bare minimum?

Also, I just reviewed your profile and it's a train wreck. I'm not surprised that your results have been abysmal. Start with fixing that. Also, ask some female friends to review whatever photos you are using. They are likely to be a big part of the problem as well. You can always post them here too in your profile album.
+1!

You focus on the things that are givens for most women, and that almost all men, at least in my world, automatically bring to the table. Yet the things that I look for in a guy are clearly lacking, both in your comments here and in your profile. Those are the deal breakers for me, and why I would close your profile if we were matched or avoid you if we were introduced in real life. Your 16-year old I could live with (as long as she's an average teenager and not a budding menace to society), and so could many women in their 30's.

I would encourage you to think about what actually makes anyone a good partner. You seem to be missing the boat on what actually matters in a relationship. Best of luck!
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #19  February 8,2012, 1:43pm
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I just reviewed your profile ---before I saw this thread.

A couple additional comments...

Your daughter is 16...unless you are looking to get married and make babies ASAP then she will be on her way out and sort of detached soon enough. No biggie there. Also, lots of women are ok with kids or HAVE their own. I think if you have a 16 yo, want to have babies but are not open to someone with her own kids you may be looking at a small group.

Your post here made you sound very ambivilent/confused about meeting someone for a serious LTR. You need to be clear in your own head as to what your goals are. Are you looking to "hang out" and get action or are you looking for the right girl to marry and make babies with???? Most grown-ups are not planning on just finding someone to have babies with....it's always "if I meet the right person." How you look for casual dates and how and where you look for the right woman may be different. How you screen them, etc.

Your presentation both here and in your profile seems to come from a place that most everyone is screwy...sort of a good god are there any sane women out there....that is a very pessimist view and easy to see at work.....

If you routinely pick women who are not good for you, (and you may NOT but this is common advice around here) you need to consider yourself as the common demoninator.
 
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