hibajz is offline hibajz Post #1  February 4,2012, 11:27am
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hi
I have been with my boyfriend for one year . he's handsome and knows how to make a girl feel special .
last week I asked him to give me his facebook password cause I had a doubt he's cheating on me

I checked his messeges .. there was not a single message from a woman (which was wierd) .I knew he deleted them . while I was online a girl started a chat with him saying baby !! so I checked the history and knew they have been talking together for a year at least .. it was a dirty talk .. all about sex .. she lives close to him .. it looks like they are having sex (while I told him that I'm saving myself for marriage .. cause we live in a Conservative society and he really appreciated it just like any guy looking for a decent wife in my society)
according to the messages I could tell that she was a [profanity deleted by moderator] he will never marry ..but he was enjoying sex with her, she was runing after him most of the time and always asking him : why don't you care enough about me ?
His speech with her was very physical about sex and rarely emotional .. nevertheless there were lots of messages , meetings , roses and phonecalls

now he still doesn't admit it all .BUT at the same time he's begging and begging for another chance .. even begging and crying to my friends so they convince me to get back together .. and that he's ready for engagemnt if I say yes .
should I take him back ?? or dump him ??

Pc : we work together on a project at school so I have to see him 5 hours adays for 4 months .. dumping him is gonna be really hard cause I see him all the time and is gonna affect my study too ... what should I do ?
pleeeeeeeease help !!
Last edited by Sassafras54; February 14,2012 at 11:34pm. Reason: deleted profanity
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  February 4,2012, 1:03pm
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Fool you once, shame on him. Fool you twice, shame on you.

So, I vote no.

FYI, I would never beg, and that's another reason to move on.

I'd expect this person isn't going to wait long enough to marry, to be intimate. (Nor would I.) These are serious compatibility issues, and not worth forcing the square peg into the round hole.
 
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Emmyjoy is online now Emmyjoy Post #3  February 4,2012, 1:09pm
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Are you seriously considering giving this guy another chance? There are so many complexities to relationships and commitments...trust that your partner is monogamous should not be one of them.

You mentioned you are in school. Thus, I assume you are young. Please take time to recognize your own self worth. You will find a man with similar values who is willing to wait for marriage without screwing someone behind your back.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #4  February 4,2012, 1:33pm
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Guys like that are everywhere - it's not specific to culture. And they are not worth one more minute of your time. If you try to make a life with a guy like that then you are truely not worthy of anything better, it is a stupid move. Are you not looking for someone that loves you? Do you really think that his behavior screams love? And use your school time to better educate yourself whether you have to do it beside him for the next four months or not. Lots of people have to work with ex's or even see ex's all the time when children are involved, so your situation is no worse than that. And your situation is very temporary. Know your worth.
 
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Goomph is online now Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  February 4,2012, 1:35pm
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One word : No .....
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #6  February 4,2012, 1:37pm
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So, while you're busy trash-talking her, have you considered the possibility that your handsome boyfriend who makes you feel oh so special is a tad light in the character and ethics departments? He cheated. He took advantage of someone for sex. He lied to you (is still lying to you). He probably lied to her about his intentions.

If that's what you want to spend your life putting up with, have at it. But, don't make the mistake of thinking it happened because she chased him or because you're waiting for marriage. It happened because that's who he is and what he does.
 
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hibajz is offline hibajz Post #7  February 4,2012, 1:38pm
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IDK !! I only excuse him cause he reaaly wanted sex that I couldn't give to him
that's why he cheated
plus I can't imagine my life and my studies without him

Emmyjoy : yeah actually am 22 years old .. he's my age too
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #8  February 4,2012, 1:42pm
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hibajz wrote :
IDK !! I only excuse him cause he reaaly wanted sex that I couldn't give to him
that's why he cheated
plus I can't imagine my life and my studies without him

Emmyjoy : yeah actually am 22 years old .. he's my age too
No. That is not why he cheated. If you get engaged or married to him you'll learn that the hard way.

Honorable men who really, really want sex but you don't give it to them leave you. They don't cheat.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #9  February 4,2012, 1:53pm
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Do not badmouth his other girlfriend; she probably doesn't even know you exist. She has done nothing for you to declare her a name that I'm surprised was not modded. And if you've been with him a year, and she's been with him "a year, at least," that means she was with him first, making YOU the "other woman." Chew on that one. He's obviously leading her on if she has to ask "Why don't you care enough about me?" Her "sin" is to have become emotionally involved with this guy, same as you have.

This situation speaks entirely to HIS character, not hers. If you want to wait until marriage for sex and he obviously doesn't, you two have a serious disconnect in values.

I'm assuming your "Conservative society" is a religious one. If for some reason you really do want to stay with this guy and even consider engagement/marriage, I strongly encourage you to both seek counseling from a leader (pastor? minister?) in your society.

Either way, I would suggest going to your professor and asking to be reassigned to a different group for your project. Do not allow this guy to mess up your academic progress.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #10  February 4,2012, 1:55pm
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No. In the vast majority of cases, the cheater made a conscious decision to break his word to you, and a person with that sort of character is unacceptable as a life partner.

hibajz wrote :
I checked the history and knew they have been talking together for a year at least ..

His speech with her was very physical about sex

now he still doesn't admit it all
It's only cheating if you were in an exclusive relationship--did you ever have that conversation? If yes and you're certain he was sleeping with her, I'd leave for good.

wrote :
I told him that I'm saving myself for marriage .. cause we live in a Conservative society and he really appreciated it just like any guy looking for a decent wife in my society

Sure we do.

Personally, I'm looking for a decent wife and I do enjoy sex and I am 100% faithful so I would say "Adios!" as soon as I heard a "wait-for-marriage" policy. This policy was acceptable to him because he was getting his loving somewhere else.

wrote :
Pc : we work together on a project at school so I have to see him 5 hours adays for 4 months .. dumping him is gonna be really hard cause I see him all the time and is gonna affect my study too ... what should I do ?
pleeeeeeeease help !!
Tell your instructor you two have an intense personal conflict and want to be assigned to a different project. If needed, escalate the issue to the department chair or dean. Requiring that level of proximity doesn't sound realistic. In most projects you could spend 1 hour together to determine how to divide the work and the next four hours apart.
 
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