He put me on the spot & I think he's married


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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #31  February 6,2012, 2:21am
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Until the issues with the ex are resolved and it is realized that ,while it is out there, not all men are just like your ex.

This post reveals why the "detective" games etc...and intense reaction to this guy...a sort of mental outrage rand revenge.

Not all guys are your ex or this jerk.....but you need to find them......not seek out jerks to bash...and repeatedly "prove" to yourself what a snake your ex was...and how you are "smarter " than that now......relax and seek higher ground...Good Luck..
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #32  February 6,2012, 10:38am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Always trust your gut on these things. You were spot on! And I'd bet his wife has a different version of their current "arrangement."

It's stories like these that make dating "interesting" and keep our friends entertained when we tell them!
Yep!
Good for you Scandolous, for listening to your gut instinct!
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #33  February 6,2012, 10:40am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Not all guys are your ex or this jerk.....but you need to find them......not seek out jerks to bash...and repeatedly "prove" to yourself what a snake your ex was...and how you are "smarter " than that now......relax and seek higher ground...Good Luck..
This is a good point worth noting and something you may not even be aware of Scandolous. Your gut has proven it's worth, so you don't have to keep testing it with questionable guys
 
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scandalous is offline scandalous Post #34  February 6,2012, 8:05pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Until the issues with the ex are resolved and it is realized that ,while it is out there, not all men are just like your ex.

This post reveals why the "detective" games etc...and intense reaction to this guy...a sort of mental outrage rand revenge.

Not all guys are your ex or this jerk.....but you need to find them......not seek out jerks to bash...and repeatedly "prove" to yourself what a snake your ex was...and how you are "smarter " than that now......relax and seek higher ground...Good Luck..
Yes, Wiseman, I realize that not all men are like my ex. I had some really good dating relationships after my divorce (almost 3 years ago, and separated 2 years prior) and those relationships ended positively--no arguing or drama, I am not the type to argue (everyone can have a difference of opinion, which is entirely different).

Those recent endings had to do with timing and/or a change in goals for the guy or me. I am completely over my ex. I hardly think about him anymore or what he did. No need to prove what a snake he is--I know he is!! I went to counseling after we split and I did "the work" on myself. No revenge motives or anything like that. I don't believe in having other guys "pay" for what he did.

I know that there are good guys out there. Just seems like lately, I have been meeting bad matches. I work with mostly men (military), but since I don't date guys I work with, it makes it hard to find other guys who are compatible (I work a lot).

I honestly was not looking for things to find wrong with the guy. Like I said, we had some decent e-mail conversations. Just that my gut kept poking at me about some things that I could not shake, and the lunch date began to confirm why my instinct was reacting so badly.

I did have a coffee date last night with a really nice guy. He was respectful for the most part and did not offend me in any way. He even drove 1-1/2 hours to meet me, and gave up watching the Super Bowl for our date. Unfortunately, after interacting with him, I feel like he is out of my league (he was talking about stuff way above my level and I was getting lost in the conversation) and we wouldn't make a good fit (way different lifestyles, and he works even more than I do!).
 
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scandalous is offline scandalous Post #35  February 6,2012, 8:15pm
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FairOne wrote :
This is a good point worth noting and something you may not even be aware of Scandolous. Your gut has proven it's worth, so you don't have to keep testing it with questionable guys
Fair One,

I was not meaning to test it, it's just that there were too many things coming up that caused my gut to keep talking to me. I'm pretty aware of myself. He and I corresponded by email for at least a month. I know now that it's too long and better to meet in person more quickly. People can sometimes present themselves differently when they are not face-to-face. My work schedule gets so hectic and it makes it hard to always plan, which is why it took us so long to meet. And sometimes I get called in on short notice and have to re-schedule stuff. I thought at first that his willingness to be patient and deal with my crazy schedule meant that he took my lifestyle into consideration. I have not met a lot of guys who are willing to date a girl in the military, for more than just a hook-up. At least that's been my experience.
 
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scandalous is offline scandalous Post #36  February 6,2012, 8:18pm
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Special-K wrote :
Regardless of whether I wanted to date him or not, I'd be tempted to somehow let his wife know what he's up to. I think if more married guys were turned in, maybe there would be fewer of them trying to get one over on the rest of us.
Yes, I thought about this, too. Part of me says to just let the whole thing go and put him and his drama behind me, and part of me says that I should find a way to tell her.
 
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