Long Distance Guy...is he really interested?


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Kuite09 is offline Kuite09 Post #1  February 3,2012, 6:58am
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Hi Everyone,



I am a 28 yr old single woman and back in May 2011 I met a man online.

We talked very frequent by text and phone until we finally met in person in October. He is from NJ and I went on business trip to PA and he came to visit me and finally met. We hit it off, we went out to dinner and drinks and had a great time. After we met we continued to stay in contact. He has a very busy work scheduled so we made arrangements for me to fly to NJ to spend a weekend with him. I paid for my flight and he took care of hotel accommodations (I stayed in a hotel because he lives with his brother and friend), dinner and entertainment for the weekend. We had a great time together, I met some of his friends and he didn't have no problem at all showing public affection. Since I came back we have been speaking more and more and we talk about seeing each other again and him coming down to FL to see me.

We both have very fun personalities and we haven't spoken about any serious commitment since we've only seen each other twice but we do say we want to see each other again and we really wish we were closer to each other. Of course I don't want to jump the gun and ask what is going on between us, I have never been in a LDR before so this is all new to me.

We have not spoken about no serious relationship convos but we have covered the basic questions. How long I been single, what happened in my last relatationship, do I want to get married, do I want kids etc.

I don't bring up no serious questions because I just got out of a on and off 7 yr relationship months before I met him online. It will be a year soon that I have been officially single.


I just wonder is this man truly interested or is it just some type of entertainment for him. He's a good looking man and successful, I am sure he wouldn't have a problem meeting woman in his own state.



At this point I am not sure what to think, I know not to ask serious questions too soon since we've only seen each other twice but we've already been talking for at least 8 months. When should I ask the serious questions? next time we see each other? or will it eventually come up.
He recently stated that if he can relocate to FL with his career he will do it for sure.



Any advice would help.
Last edited by Kuite09; February 3,2012 at 7:13am.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  February 3,2012, 8:54am
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It sounds like a phone / long distance relationship for both of you. After a nasty break-up, such as yours..it may feel better to you to have a once-in-a-while non-relationship type "relationship"......it keeps things at a "safe" distance.
.
His entire life in NJ ....and yours is in FL.

When you met up with him ....have you ever been to his home?..Is he in other relationships?

Perhaps a long distance fling is why no serious or real discussions take place....particularly from his end....Good Luck...
Msjreyes09 wrote :
May 2011 I met a man online.

He is from NJ he lives with his brother and friend
He's a good looking man and successful, I am sure he wouldn't have a problem meeting woman in his own state.

we've only seen each other twice

I don't bring up no serious questions because I just got out of a on and off 7 yr relationship months before I met him online


I just wonder is this man truly interested or is it just some type of entertainment for him.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #3  February 3,2012, 9:02am
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I would wonder if he's in other relationships or married as he hasn't allowed you to his house?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  February 3,2012, 9:26am
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I don't know why the above two posters are leaping to the LDR means cheating conclusions. It's just bizarre.

OP, long distance relationships take a lot of mutual investment both financial and emotional. As such, most people will not get involved unless they see some serious potential with that person. However, potential is all it is. You still have to get to know each other. In terms of serious conversations, what you should be honestly discussing with each other is whether a future, should things work out, is feasible. In other words, can either one of you realistically move? If not, then you are just wasting time. Can you both afford to travel enough to allow for things to develop? Again, if not, you are wasting time. Long distance means that you discuss serious things sooner rather than later, including and especially your overall relationship goals. Again, no point in doing this if he wants to re-marry and you never ever want to do that again for instance. It doesn't mean that you know what you want from each other at this point, but you have to verify that in general, your life goals and relationship goals are aligned.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #5  February 3,2012, 9:43am
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I'm not jumping into any conclusions but mearly asked a question.
 
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Kuite09 is offline Kuite09 Post #6  February 3,2012, 10:14am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
I would wonder if he's in other relationships or married as he hasn't allowed you to his house?
Hi Steve,

When I just went to NJ last weekend he put me up in a hotel down the street from his home,he showed me his home and all but I never entered. He lives with his brother and roommate and Im guessing he put me up in a hotel for more privacy.
 
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Kuite09 is offline Kuite09 Post #7  February 3,2012, 10:20am
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DancingFool wrote :
I don't know why the above two posters are leaping to the LDR means cheating conclusions. It's just bizarre.

OP, long distance relationships take a lot of mutual investment both financial and emotional. As such, most people will not get involved unless they see some serious potential with that person. However, potential is all it is. You still have to get to know each other. In terms of serious conversations, what you should be honestly discussing with each other is whether a future, should things work out, is feasible. In other words, can either one of you realistically move? If not, then you are just wasting time. Can you both afford to travel enough to allow for things to develop? Again, if not, you are wasting time. Long distance means that you discuss serious things sooner rather than later, including and especially your overall relationship goals. Again, no point in doing this if he wants to re-marry and you never ever want to do that again for instance. It doesn't mean that you know what you want from each other at this point, but you have to verify that in general, your life goals and relationship goals are aligned.
Thanks so much for your reply.

I guess at this point I am scared to bring up serious convos because I don't want to push him away or something.
I don't believe he is dating anyone else but hey now a days who knows right! LOL
Well I do think its too soon to bring all this up. I was hoping next time we see each other we can get to talking about all this.
I ve never been married nor have children and either does he.

We do talk on a daily basis and its just sweet talk and flirting and stuff but nothing serious.
We both like to joke around and be silly...For example: when we joke around and play he tells me that Im his and that he has people watching me in FL to make sure I am behaving myself etc. Just little stupid things like that.

I don't want to get to the point all we talk about is serious stuff but I know eventually we do have to talk about it I just don't know when to bring it up.
This past weekend that I was there I just wanted to enjoy the moment and spent time with him, theres still a whole lot to know from each other that we don't know yet.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  February 3,2012, 10:28am
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These aren't serious conversations, these are practical conversations. One thing I learned about dating is that you can't scare off the right man this easily, but the wrong man will find a reason to get "scared off".

Anyway, it doesn't sound like you are ready for anything more than the casual fun you are both having, so enjoy it and go with the flow. The short, sweet, and simple of it is that as long as you are both talking and investing, you are both interested. When one of you stops, the interest is gone. I mean relationships can really only go two ways - either end or grow and nobody can tell you how it will go in advance. You have to take the chance and find out for yourself.
 
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Kuite09 is offline Kuite09 Post #9  February 3,2012, 10:59am
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Dancingfool,

I know that if its the right man those questions shouldnt scare him off, my only thing is that I don't know when its the right time to bring things up.
We plan to see each other next month and even take a vacation getaway once my work schedule slows down.
I have never been in a LDR so this is all very new to me and this is the first man since my ex that I am so interested in .
I like so many things about him and we get along and I feel so comfortable around him.

I just don't know when to brings things up or not, the most serious convo we've had is him asking me if I believe in marriage, do I want kids, have I ever been engaged and what happened in my last relationship. Other than that its just good fun phone and text convos.

I am ready for whatever this may be but I just don't know whens the right time to mention the serious topics.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  February 3,2012, 11:39am
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Sounds like you've already discussed some of the things I mentioned. I guess what I'm not grasping is what is it that you want to know right now? What's the burning question in your mind that you want an answer to but don't know if you can ask?

Sounds like your dating situation is progressing nicely. Go with the flow and have fun with it.
 
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