olmide is offline olmide Post #1  February 3,2012, 1:06am
olmide's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2012

Posts: 2

See profile

I've been e-conversing with two women for about a month. WomanA and I shared interest in a concert and set up a date a few weeks ago to go to a concert at a club a week from now. Meanwhile, our conversations have slowed a bit and, frankly, lost a bit of the spark. Now I know I shouldn't have planned a date so far out, and that we should have met sooner, but we are where we are now. Also meanwhile, WomanB and I have progressed to texting and phone calls. I sense that WomanB is more of a match, and we went on a first date last night that was wonderful. To complicate matters, I'm a fairly recent widower (7 months after losing a long cancer battle with my wife of 31 years.) So, while I think my first date in over 34 years was great, I suppose it's possible that the excitement and positive feeling of any woman's attention (ok not just any-I am discerning!) would have felt great. So, do I honor date with WomanA and just see how it goes, and maybe get a feel for whether the date with WomanB really was special? Or, sensing our connection lessening, do I cancel the date with WomanA? Is one more honorable than the other? I suppose a piece of it is that I've been a faithful, loyal, one-woman man for so long, it's hard for me to get my head around dating around. So, anyone care to offer thoughts on my quandary?

Olmide
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  February 3,2012, 2:39am
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,603

See profile

I'm probably your age and have been in the same situation and it seems you have a classic case of falling-for-your-first-match-itis. Beware, until you actually meet, you're becoming attracted to a fantasy and words on a computer screen.

Trust me, these are your first matches and there's a strong possibility that neither one will progress any further than one or two dates. Yes, it happens, but don't count on it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting more than one woman and dating a few times before making a decision. It's also wise to assume that she is doing the same thing unless she offers otherwise.

Therefore, I wouldn't cancel any dates until you've met and dated enough times to make an informed decision. And in the future, don't drag out e-mail communication for so long. After a couple of exchanges, ask for her phone number and set up a date to meet as soon as possible. And when you go on that date, have a couple options in your pocket for a second date so that if you feel a mutual connection, you can tentatively set something up for another date.

Also, there's a widows / widowers discussion group here where us like-minded folks check in often and discuss other specific topics. Maybe we'll see you around.

Widows/Widowers - eHarmony Advice
 
  Reply With Quote
barbarella_42 is offline barbarella_42 Post #3  February 3,2012, 3:37am
barbarella_42's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2011

Posts: 243

See profile

This ^^^ x 100
 
  Reply With Quote
OlderButWiser0549 is online now OlderButWiser0549 Post #4  February 3,2012, 4:13am
OlderButWiser…'s Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Delaware County, PA

Posts: 7,227

See profile

Tweet says it well. Follow his advice and you won't go wrong.
 
  Reply With Quote
olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #5  February 3,2012, 5:05am
olneyjeeps's Avatar

...

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

no

Posts: 1,933

See profile

Tweet hit nail on the head! Putting to much into "dating"... just have fun, be yourself
 
  Reply With Quote
FairOne is offline FairOne Post #6  February 3,2012, 5:27am
FairOne's Avatar

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 1,544

See profile

I would go on the date with Woman A and see how it goes- at worst you'll see a concert that you hopefully will enjoy :-)
And if you continue to hit it off with Woman B don't worry- I don't think she'd be upset that you went on a date after meeting her, especially since you had planned it so far in advance.
 
  Reply With Quote
SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #7  February 3,2012, 8:59am
SteveManchest…'s Avatar

is too happy

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2010

rainy uk

Posts: 5,026

See profile

meet them both. if you haven't even met yet, they are just images on a computer and photos and words that might not even do them justice.
 
  Reply With Quote
olmide is offline olmide Post #8  February 3,2012, 9:54am
olmide's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2012

Posts: 2

See profile

Thanks for the well thought out and well articulated response! No one likes being tagged a "classic case" of anything "-itis", but as a rookie, I was looking for a more veteran point of view. Doh! Likely guilty as charged. I'll keep you posted . . . Thanks
 
  Reply With Quote
notyet is offline notyet Post #9  February 4,2012, 6:58pm
notyet's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 5,276

See profile

tweet37 wrote :
really good advise
i just wanted to add my vote to your post!
 
  Reply With Quote
VolGal is offline VolGal Post #10  February 5,2012, 5:47pm
VolGal's Avatar

Making New Memories

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2010

Deep South

Posts: 640

See profile

My grandmother gave me some great advice (imagine that!): keep a spare. That means, multi-dating, so long as it is on the up-and-up (everyone knows it's not exclusive), is expected. I took that advice a year ago...met two men within the same 24-hour period. I felt obliged to see #1 through even though I communicated with #2 first. #1 didn't work out -- it was an initially interesting match and I wanted it to work but it didn't. And because I multi-dated (with full knowledge of both), I was able to"keep the spare" and it was the spare that actually worked out in the end.

I had just ended a 25 year marriage to my high school sweetheart and I was new to the whole dating thing. I am glad I remembered my grandmother's advice. Even though she's been dead since 1981, it just goes to show you that some ideas are timeless!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Should I even bother?! | Ask a Dating Expert | Alternatives to online dating, tips to dating in person »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Did your husband/wife ever cancel a date Sporty_geek Dating 11 July 19,2011 11:47am
Monday, June 27th weekend and date roundup! eHA_Admin_Lori Dating 26 June 28,2011 8:53pm
My Who pays who cares and a coffee date rant ForwardUntoDawn Dating 33 June 23,2011 11:53am
Just because...doesn't mean....??? BabyYoda About You 34 December 8,2010 1:35pm
I'm worried he'll cancel the 1st date writergal Dating 12 August 6,2010 2:50pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ...90%????? I'd say it's more like 60 to 70 percent of women who say they offer to pay on the first and subsequent dates, and/or have no problem with going dutch. I'm in the pool of women who ... ” –  legend29

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“I think you were there when he was hurting, and she was there when he wanted fun. He chose fun as a long term partner. That's understandable. The posters who've said you might be a reminder of the ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“ I know exactly where you are coming from. I went in thinking "man, it is just an email. Fire off a response, yeah or nay. What is the big deal?" but the truth is a little more complicated. Plus, I ... ” –  Freezepop

Join the “Guided Communication VS Email” discussion

“ I believe you and I got confused for a second. I didn't hit the Police officer. I hit the lady in front of me and then someone reported the accident and he came to check it out. That's how I met ... ” –  LadyVee

Join the “Confusing Man (LONG STORY)” discussion

“My bf just gave me advice about an adult child. I was in shock. He's never done that before. I didn't think he cared at all. The advice was really good too. It was supportive and I could see ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:31pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0