fugufish is offline fugufish Post #1  February 1,2012, 11:52pm
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I met my boyfriend online. Our connection was great right from the start. We met each other in person from time to time in the past 2 years. We get along well in person. Things were going great. But sometimes he likes to push me with some off beat comments and humor. When I get upset, we fight.

Recently, we had a lot of fights and it started with him saying something I didn't appreciate at the time. Things went down hill from there. It's been over 2 months that we don't speak on a regular basis. I still want to save the relationship but he said he needed time.

When a man says that, does it really mean he needs time or he wants to date other women? And how long of a time does a man usually need to evaluate a relationship?

Thanks for the insights.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  February 2,2012, 2:34am
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fugufish wrote :
I met my boyfriend online. Our connection was great right from the start. We met each other in person from time to time in the past 2 years. We get along well in person. Things were going great. But sometimes he likes to push me with some off beat comments and humor. When I get upset, we fight.

Recently, we had a lot of fights and it started with him saying something I didn't appreciate at the time. Things went down hill from there. It's been over 2 months that we don't speak on a regular basis. I still want to save the relationship but he said he needed time.

When a man says that, does it really mean he needs time or he wants to date other women? And how long of a time does a man usually need to evaluate a relationship?

Thanks for the insights.
So it's been two months that this relationship has been "chilly"? I would think its pretty much over and this has run its course.
If you're fighting quite a bit, then odds are one or both of you don't have the skills to communicate within a relationship without hurting the other..That's not good.

Oh, and when a man says "he needs time" to think it over...it's the same thing as when a woman says it.
It usually means: "adios".
 
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tink333 is online now tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  February 2,2012, 2:50am
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fugufish wrote :
I met my boyfriend online. Our connection was great right from the start. We met each other in person from time to time in the past 2 years. We get along well in person. Things were going great. But sometimes he likes to push me with some off beat comments and humor. When I get upset, we fight.

Recently, we had a lot of fights and it started with him saying something I didn't appreciate at the time. Things went down hill from there. It's been over 2 months that we don't speak on a regular basis. I still want to save the relationship but he said he needed time.

When a man says that, does it really mean he needs time or he wants to date other women? And how long of a time does a man usually need to evaluate a relationship?

Thanks for the insights.

I agree with TheThinker. When a guy says he needs time or wants to date other women, it almost always means that he's saying it's over.

If it's been two months and you haven't spoken on a regular basis during that time, I'd say you have your answer - he's done with the relationship but wasn't decent enough to come outright and say it. It may be because he was trying to avoid another fight and decided his best exit was a quiet one.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  February 2,2012, 3:02am
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Is this an on /off phone "relationship"? Hopefully you are both dating others. When you are the butt of someone's humor or it is at your expense..it means they have no respect for you...

From the lack of seeing each other ..you are a phone pal he uses to blow off steam from other dating experiences. Move on and Good Luck...
fugufish wrote :
We met each other in person from time to time in the past 2 years.
Recently, we had a lot of fights and it started with him saying something I didn't appreciate at the time.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #5  February 2,2012, 3:52am
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You're in a casual relationship where he's possibly seeing others?
 
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fugufish is offline fugufish Post #6  February 2,2012, 4:06am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
You're in a casual relationship where he's possibly seeing others?
No. We're in an exclusive relationship. That was what we agreed upon. And we trust each other. At least I can say that I trust him. He did say he missed me but need time. He said he's afraid that the fights will become a pattern.

I don't know whether to move on or to wait. If waiting, how long should I wait until I officially send an email to break things off with him.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  February 2,2012, 4:08am
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Why bother doing this? It ended two months ago
fugufish wrote :
I don't know whether to move on or to wait. If waiting, how long should I wait until I officially send an email to break things off with him.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #8  February 2,2012, 4:29am
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"....he said he needed time" = he's just not that into you.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #9  February 2,2012, 4:40am
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fugufish wrote :
No. We're in an exclusive relationship. That was what we agreed upon. And we trust each other. At least I can say that I trust him. He did say he missed me but need time. He said he's afraid that the fights will become a pattern.

I don't know whether to move on or to wait. If waiting, how long should I wait until I officially send an email to break things off with him.
an exclusive relationship where for 2 years you saw each other "from time to time"?

I wouldn't email. If I did that I'd get stressed after pressing send and waiting and wondering about the reaction.

Either text him your thoughts and start by asking him "how are you?" to check he is there or phone him or arrange to meet him to tell him the news.

As you are giving up on him I wouldn't bother phoning or arranging to meet to tell him you are giving up. I personally would just get the message over via texts.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #10  February 2,2012, 4:41am
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Epiphany - when a woman says 'I need time' what she often means is 'you hurt my feelings and I want you to stop doing that and so I'm threatening to leave you because if you think about how much you will miss me then maybe you will stop hurting me'. When a man says he needs time he is saying 'done with you and your drama, moving on'. So when women hear the 'I need time' thing, they are not hearing it the way men mean it. They are hearing it the way they mean it. And I'm not speaking of all women or all men here, just the one's that it applies to - you know who you are.
 
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