Chirpy is offline Chirpy Post #1  January 31,2012, 7:48pm
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I've pretty well always dated guys that I'm very much attracted to from the beginning. Not got me very far Recently I posted another thread about two first dates with the guys telling me "don't be a stranger". I followed the advice, contacted the first guy who I was really attracted to, we set up a date and then he cancelled on me and I've heard nothing since. Tonight I went on a second date (dinner/movie) with #2, 'don't be a stranger' guy who is not my usual type and I'm not overly attracted to. He's very nice, easy to talk to but he did expect me to split the bill (first date was only a coffee meet up) which bugged me because he did ask me out.

Anyway, the question I have is, how long do I wait until I start to feel it? I sort of think he might grow on me but not sure. He seems quite casual, not pushy at all, which is good. By now, I'd usually be expecting to be kissed but he's been a gentleman and just given me a hug and kiss on the cheek. He did get pretty close during the movie though
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  February 1,2012, 1:30am
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There are a lot of hit and miss dates, where they may seem 'nice" or pleasant as people, but there is really nothing there.
Because it is a dating site situation the expectation or hope for "chemistry", not just "nice people" is there.
Just keep moving along with matches and dates who do interest you and where there is a sense of attraction, rather than just OK person...Good Luck
 
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Goomph is online now Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  February 1,2012, 3:54am
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If you are having fun when you are with #2, I would keep dating him. Otherwise move on ... It takes time to get to know people, and for them to really open up and show their real personality.

As for making you split the bill on your first date, maybe he is reading the boards I find that a tad weird on a first date, we all differ on that as you probably know by now. Do not read too much into it.

Another date or two and you will know if he has any side you will be attracted to. of course you will also be approaching the #4'th date
 
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redmaple is offline redmaple Post #4  February 1,2012, 5:18am
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Chirpy wrote :
Anyway, the question I have is, how long do I wait until I start to feel it? I sort of think he might grow on me but not sure. He seems quite casual, not pushy at all, which is good. By now, I'd usually be expecting to be kissed but he's been a gentleman and just given me a hug and kiss on the cheek. He did get pretty close during the movie though
Unless it's a definite "no" for me, I typically give it 3 dates (longer if I think things are moving in the right direction). The fact that you want him to kiss you is probably a good sign! I generally find that I can trust my instincts and will have a very clear sense if / when things will not work for me, but the time frame varies.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  February 1,2012, 6:16am
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I'm sorry but parting with something like "don't be a stranger" at best is lukewarm and at worst is a polite dismissal. If a man is truly into you, he'll be eager to call and set up a date. You'll have no doubt in your mind that he is into you and wants to see you again. What these guys said to you is basically that if you call them and they have nothing better to do, they'll go out with you. They are just not that into you.

Don't waste your time on lukewarm dates and lukewarm interest. Deviating from the norm just to test things out is a good thing once in awhile and you may learn something, but you still need to feel the attraction. Without that attraction, all you have is a platonic pal.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #6  February 1,2012, 6:58am
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I have very rarely decided to follow board advice and have a second or third date to see of chemistry and attraction developed. Never. NEVER EVER. My theory about the high divorce rate in the US is that many people actually marry someone who is a nice person, a good fit, a pleasant and compatible companion, hoping the chemistry and attraction will grow. It doesn't.
You are settling for mediocrity. Unless that is what you are looking for, move on. Afrer all, what little girl doesn't grow up thinking "Gosh, I can't wait to meet Mr. Not-So-Bad!"
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  February 1,2012, 2:44pm
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DancingFool wrote :
I'm sorry but parting with something like "don't be a stranger" at best is lukewarm and at worst is a polite dismissal. If a man is truly into you, he'll be eager to call and set up a date. You'll have no doubt in your mind that he is into you and wants to see you again. What these guys said to you is basically that if you call them and they have nothing better to do, they'll go out with you. They are just not that into you.

Don't waste your time on lukewarm dates and lukewarm interest. Deviating from the norm just to test things out is a good thing once in awhile and you may learn something, but you still need to feel the attraction. Without that attraction, all you have is a platonic pal.
I would not read into this that far.....

is it possible there is a lack of interest or you are plan B or C---sure. Rememmber you arent thr only one he is dating--never assume that.

Also----this is true with some guys---they intentionally hold back either to get you interested in them or because of past dates where they thought they went to far so they pull back on this daye.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #8  February 2,2012, 5:05am
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I think you should go out with people you are attracted to, and not people you're not attracted to.

If you're attracted to this guy, by all means, go out with him again.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #9  February 2,2012, 7:10am
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I always say it comes down to how good your picker is.

If you have a good picker (pick good guys who are appropriate for you and your relationship needs) then first-date chemistry rule is fine.

If your picker is bad/imperfect (you find yourself ending relationships with "bad" guys/in realationships with guys who really aren't up to snuff/hanging out forever trying to get him to commit emotionally), give the nice guys you are on the fence about a little extra time to warm you up.

That said, "don't be a stranger" isn't indicative that it was working for the guys either.
Last edited by KikiAZ; February 2,2012 at 7:13am.
 
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Chirpy is offline Chirpy Post #10  February 2,2012, 3:55pm
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Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm not saying I wanted him to kiss me Redmaple, just that he didn't To be fair, #2 "don't be a stranger" included that in the body of an email and followed that by "only if you want to be". He did seem into me but I haven't heard anything since the movie date two nights ago. I'm going with my gut with this one and thinking the chemistry is not going to improve and cut my losses. I guess I was trying to do something different but looking back guys who are really into me are calling for another date, texting what a good time they had, etc. and this is just too much like a couple of buddies going out...not what I'm looking for!
 
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