neardc is offline neardc Post #21  February 4,2012, 2:46pm
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If you have received private messages like that, please report them to the site administrators. They are clearly in violation of the guidelines of this site, and the people who sent them should be dealt with appropriately.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #22  February 4,2012, 2:56pm
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Erica, agreed. Simply click the Report Abuse button and report them to the site administrators. Reporting folks like that is doing a favour for all of us.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #23  February 4,2012, 2:57pm
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That is horrible. Report them. eHA should keep track of the IP addresses of the senders. I really didn't expect women to feel as strongly about this as men might. That doesn't make sense to me.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #24  February 4,2012, 3:02pm
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harnomygirl wrote :
That is horrible. Report them. eHA should keep track of the IP addresses of the senders. I really didn't expect women to feel as strongly about this as men might. That doesn't make sense to me.
Saying "women" suggests that those views are representative. They are not.

I'm sure there are men with equally extreme views as well, but that doesn't mean that men in general share those views.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #25  February 4,2012, 3:05pm
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neardc wrote :
Saying "women" suggests that those views are representative. They are not.

I'm sure there are men with equally extreme views as well, but that doesn't mean that men in general share those views.
I meant that I expect men to have strong opinions about their dates, just as we do our dates.

She's not dating women, so I thought women would give feedback about what men might think and nothing else.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #26  February 4,2012, 3:09pm
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Agree strongly with the report suggestions - even private messages are subject to our guidelines, and those are clearly in violation.

If you don't know how or need help to do it, just ask. Someone here will be happy to help, or to point you to an admin.

ETA: I just checked PMs and didn't see an easy way to report. There is a way to forward PMs, but you might want to just drop the moderator a note. Her profile is here:

eHarmony Advice - View Profile: Sassafras54

Select Send Message on her profile page and let her know what's happening. She can help you get it sorted out.
Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; February 4,2012 at 3:19pm.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #27  February 4,2012, 3:47pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
ETA: I just checked PMs and didn't see an easy way to report. There is a way to forward PMs, but you might want to just drop the moderator a note. Her profile is here:

eHarmony Advice - View Profile: Sassafras54

Select Send Message on her profile page and let her know what's happening. She can help you get it sorted out.
Earlier, I also "reported" the post above where the rancid PMs were described to alert the "powers that be" that they should follow up and take action ASAP.

Erica - Since this is the weekend, it can take longer to hear back from staff (it might not be until Monday), but they have at least been alerted that there is a problem that requires an "official" response.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #28  February 4,2012, 5:22pm
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I fully support you finding a mate whom you can love an nurture and who will do the same for you.

I cannot, however support you freezing your own eggs in the chance that you dont find a man, that you can have a baby anyways. Yes, some single parents are rockstars but many are in that position due to the other parent bailing or some unforseen situation like death.

Bringing a child into the world with no shot of a traditional parental structure is selfish. I would seriously hope that you only consider IVF with a partner who is willing to a be both a spouse and a parent.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #29  February 4,2012, 10:36pm
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The only issue I can see coming up, where things would get weird, would be when sharing things about your past. You have photos and home movies and stories about yourself being a "boy". I can see that being the truly confusing part for your partner. But, a truly worthy man would understand and would be willing to accept the past and present of who you are and who you were.

I think before intimacy is the best time to let the man you are dating know about your medical condition. It might end things, but then you weren't meant to be if that happened.
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #30  February 7,2012, 12:43pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
I think before intimacy is the best time to let the man you are dating know about your medical condition. It might end things, but then you weren't meant to be if that happened.
I agree with this. I think many of the people who will have a problem with this will have a problem no matter where it is discussed. I personally find it reasonable to wait until you have established at least a minimal amount of trust to share. You also may want to look into whether there are any support groups or online networks/communities connecting people who have the same condition you do. They may be able to provide better guidance about how to navigate it.

The one thing I would be careful of is extrapolating that any negative comments you receive are shared by a larger population. Not only will it likely leave you angry, frustrated and hurt but it could also lead to you missing out on some good people.
 
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