christ2633 is offline christ2633 Post #1  January 26,2012, 7:56am
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Started dating a great guy a 2 moths ago. He is my Mr. Perfect but has ex wife issues. I have tried to be very understanding because they lost a child. She left after the loss 5 years ago but for some reason he still feels responsible for her. Not sure how much more I should put up with. Everytime she has some drama going on he say he has to deal with her for awhile and we have no communitation. This week she has attempted suicide. Just very frustrated and unsure of what to do. I feel like this women is in control of our lives.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  January 26,2012, 9:48am
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Because she is.
christ2633 wrote :
I feel like this women is in control of our lives.
He is way too involved with this ex to devote energy to dating , no less new relationships. He is as much a part of this drama as she is....

Unless you want this triangle..(yes it will go on and on)..Cut your losses and find someone ready for dating...Good Luck...
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #3  January 26,2012, 9:50am
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Dump him. Too much drama. I'm sure he'll be dealing with her "suicide attempts" or other crises on a regularly scheduled basis ...
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  January 26,2012, 9:59am
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Sorry, but in your shoes I wouldn't just walk, I'd sprint away from this mess at full speed. He is not perfect, and it's not his ex wife. It is 100% him. He chooses to maintain contact, he chooses to run to her rescue, he is on some level not over her at all and he easily puts your relationship to the side to maintain involvement with his ex wife. That is all his own personal choice for whatever personal reasons. Five years may seem like a long time, but in his case, the problem is that he has never moved on and doesn't appear to want to.
 
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Mike74 is offline Mike74 Post #5  January 26,2012, 10:05am
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christ2633 wrote :
Started dating a great guy a 2 moths ago. He is my Mr. Perfect but has ex wife issues. I have tried to be very understanding because they lost a child. She left after the loss 5 years ago but for some reason he still feels responsible for her. Not sure how much more I should put up with. Everytime she has some drama going on he say he has to deal with her for awhile and we have no communitation. This week she has attempted suicide. Just very frustrated and unsure of what to do. I feel like this women is in control of our lives.
Does Mr. Perfect have any living children with this woman? If not, it sounds like he's far too involved with her, and I agree with Wiseman's advice. He will not fully move on.

If so, he is largely stuck with her, and you need to determine whether you can deal with this situation long-term. Unfortunately, having children with someone ties you to that person, legally and practically, at least until the children reach the age of majority, if not beyond. If the ex is unstable and dramatic, her behavior will inevitably create instability in his life, as he has to scramble during each crisis to protect the children. This situation is unlikely to change. I wish you the best.
 
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Mike74 is offline Mike74 Post #6  January 26,2012, 10:06am
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I posted a response, which is currently in moderation....
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #7  January 26,2012, 10:08am
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What they said.

I'm in touch with a couple of my exes. They know their priority rating in my life disappears when I am in a relationship. They respect that, just like I respect the same to be true in their lives. It's the only reason we're able to remain friendly. We know where the fences are and we keep them well-maintained.

If you tolerate this behavior (and by tolerate, I don't mean trying to convince him to change, I mean continue to be in a relationship with someone whose priorities are this screwed up) expect it to continue. That personality-disordered/co-dependant dynamic is pretty much programmed in and would require great effort on his part to break - which he is not going to do for you or anyone else. He'll only do it when it stops working for him.

ETA: He's only your Mister Perfect if you relish the idea of continuing to be simply an option in his life while he takes care of wifey.
Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; January 26,2012 at 10:10am.
 
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