EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #1  January 23,2012, 9:09pm
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...going on a date with someone who has only been separated from his wife for 5 months? Generally, I would say no. But he seems very compatible......
Last edited by EccentricAmbiguity; January 24,2012 at 7:12am.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  January 23,2012, 9:41pm
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up late....again.

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Well, if he's separated and not divorced, he's still married. That would make him an automatic "no" for me. Has he even filed for divorce? Match or not, I wouldn't do it.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #3  January 24,2012, 2:37am
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Personally, I have found in the past that separated means they are still sorting through at least the legal issue, and that means the emotional issues that go with it. I am not saying it never works, but I prefer someone who has had time to heal and process. Even the most amicable divorces require the final emotional tug that comes with ending the marriage formally.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  January 24,2012, 2:42am
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BTDT and won't do that again.

Boing boing boing. Can you say rebound?
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #5  January 24,2012, 3:15am
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Are you seriously asking? ...or are you just wanting to find someone here to say "go for it, what's the worst that could happen?" so you have validation to do what you are going to end up doing anyways?

This is a no-brainer.
 
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Goomph is online now Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  January 24,2012, 3:21am
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We sometimes learn not to do things by error and trial. If you decide to go for it, please let us know how it worked for you.

It takes a lot of time to sort things out after a final divorce, 5 months seperated is a lot of raw emotions, problems, financial issues, legal manouvers. Why would you want to be a part of it ?

Sorry I can't say "yes, go for it" and like myself after I have my cup of coffee Move on and save yourself all the heartache this will bring.
 
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barbarella_42 is offline barbarella_42 Post #7  January 24,2012, 3:41am
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Based on personal experience, I respectfully disagree. My ex-husband left me at the ripe old age of 32 for a 23-year-old who worked for him. It took eighteen months for my divorce to go through, and I started dating within a couple months of separation. I didn't go out looking for someone to date right away but someone pursued me avidly, which was very welcome after having had my confidence and trust shattered. I gave it careful consideration and ultimately decided not to put my life on hold.

There were some rocky moments with my emotions, sure, but I was careful not to set myself or the guy I started seeing up in a rebound situation. I was also very upfront with him about my status, and his perspective was that as long as I didn't pull him into any drama and was trying in good faith to keep the legal proceedings moving, he was OK with it. We had a very nice 11-month relationship, and no regrets on either side.

One thing that made it easier was that my ex and I quickly ceased communication except through lawyers, which greatly reduced the drama potential. I also went to therapy for nine months to work through both the relationship that ended and the one that was starting, and that helped a lot. There were also no children involved and absolutely zero possibility of a reconciliation.

I suspect that the situation I just described is the exception rather than the rule, but having a fulfilling relationship in the circumstances the OP describes certainly isn't impossible. I am sure plenty of people passed judgment on my choice to start dating again when I did, but for anyone who did so and hadn't been through it themselves, I really couldn't have cared less.
Last edited by barbarella_42; January 24,2012 at 3:44am.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  January 24,2012, 3:54am
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Rebounders are always "compatible" because they are lonely, desperate to fill a void with a warm body /company and of course, have nothing to offer. But for the high of a quicky chemical fix...go for it, if you don't want involvement....Good Luck...
EccentricAmbiguity wrote :
...going on a date with someone who has only been separated from his......wife.......for 5 months?
Fixed that for you
 
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Goomph is online now Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  January 24,2012, 4:49am
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There is a difference between looking for an LTR and looking to get a girlfriend for say six months or a year or a tad longer.

As long as you know the difference and where it is going, I guess you will also get a go for it from me. As Wiseman2 stated, rebound relationships usually do not last .... Something to keep in mind going in, if you think you are going to make it work long term. You will be wasting YOUR time and energy for a low probablity of success.

And of course now we will start diuscussing what is long term I hope not !
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #10  January 24,2012, 5:30am
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Barbella, while you moved on, and did so carefully, it still only lasted 11 months. If the OP is looking for a long term, happily ever after, in most cases it won't pan out. I too, after my first divorce, dated quickly, with a drama free divorce (we filed in October, I was divorced by January) friends set me up right away, and what I learned is that the only thing I did is put off the healing process. Similar situation, he left me for someone younger, but he had been telling me for 2 years he did not want to be married anymore, so in my mind it was over long before the separation, but in truth, the man I dated, who was a great guy and we ended amicably too, really was my rebound. I always felt badly afterwards.
 
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