equinox520 is offline equinox520 Post #1  January 16,2012, 4:17pm
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Hello all... I've had a tricky situation come up and I'd appreciate some advice on how to handle this.

So I met a wonderful woman here on eHarmony, we exchanged many amazing emails, and eventually we took it offline. The phone calls and texting went well, so we had our first date. I cannot stress how amazing that first date was... there was great chemistry (dare I say fireworks??) which is something I have never encountered before. We had a marvelous time and capped the night off with a great parting kiss. She must have been feeling a little insecure as she wanted me to text her when I got home... and then proceeded to ask me how I thought the night went.

The next couple of days we exchanged numerous messages and we had tentatively scheduled a date for late into the weekend. On Saturday she had posted some depressing statuses on her Facebook, so I inquired about them... asked if she was doing okay.

Long story short, she revealed to me that she had just gotten out of a long term relationship and thought she was ready to move on when she joined eHarmony, but was mistaken. She said she was sorry and did not mean to hurt my feelings or toy with me. I said I understood; she asked for forgiveness. I told her I would forgive her if she would forgive me for wanting to talk to her again someday. She said that she could "almost guarantee" that we will talk again.

So... without you knowing her do you think that that may have been sincere (she doesn't strike me as the games-playing type)? Would it be wise to keep my distance and NOT try to contact her? Or do you believe that trying to suggest just hanging out in a no-pressure-let's-just-have-fun-and-be-friends setting until she IS ready for something serious would work? She embodies everything I want in a woman (...it was one date, I can take her off the pedestal now ) and it would kill me to not have another chance with her in the future.

Thanks for your help if you have decided to read this novel!
 
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eharmonyjc is online now eharmonyjc Post #2  January 16,2012, 4:37pm
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I would move on and date other people. If she is being truthful about what she is telling you, she may come back after she feels she's ready. I don't see what benefit a "hang out" situation would provide, other than moving you into the friend zone for all of eternity.
 
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equinox520 is offline equinox520 Post #3  January 16,2012, 4:50pm
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Agreed. Well I am most certainly going to keep dating... but a part of me would rather have her as a friend than potentially losing her entirely. I'll just wait and see what happens...
 
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eharmonyjc is online now eharmonyjc Post #4  January 16,2012, 5:20pm
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What happens if you become friends, and then she meets someone else and starts dating them, and not you? If you're as into her as you say you are, I would imagine you would not be cool with that and would probably feel pretty hurt by that.

That is why if one person is into the other, and the other doesn't reciprocate, it doesn't work to be friends.
 
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maffif is offline maffif Post #5  January 16,2012, 5:36pm
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I was in a similar situation, but instead of one date the guy waited about 6 weeks to tell me he had just ended a LTR and thought dating would help. Up to that point everything was great. I was really falling for him.
He needed a friend after we stopped dating. I tried, but it was really hard to just be his friend. I kept things as friendly as I could, but in all honestly as much as I was just his friend, I kept hoping for more or that he would come around.
When you like someone, the lines get blurred and it is hard to not want more.

Keep dating and hopefully you will meet someone who is ready and wants what you want.
 
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i_remember is offline i_remember Post #6  January 16,2012, 5:46pm
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equinox520 wrote :
but a part of me would rather have her as a friend than potentially losing her entirely...
You never had her else she'd be with you. Move on.

I have never had a problem burning bridges ... it's all or nothing.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #7  January 16,2012, 7:19pm
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equinox520 wrote :
So... without you knowing her do you think that that may have been sincere (she doesn't strike me as the games-playing type)?
I hate that I'm saying this, but it needs to be said ...she wasn't even interested in you enough to use you as a rebound.

It doesn't matter if she was sincere ...the only thing that matters is that you are not a romantic option for her ...not now, not ever.

equinox520 wrote :
Would it be wise to keep my distance and NOT try to contact her?
Yes, it would be wise to put this woman in your rear-view mirror and don't look back.

equinox520 wrote :
Or do you believe that trying to suggest just hanging out in a no-pressure-let's-just-have-fun-and-be-friends setting until she IS ready for something serious would work?
This is the king of bad ideas ...in the kindom of bad ideas ...on the planet of bad ideas.

Why in the world would you want to put yourself in the friend-zone? That's outright crazy-talk!
 
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Tabouleh is offline Tabouleh Post #8  January 16,2012, 7:31pm
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I think that would could wait a month or 2.. and then if you are still feeling the same.. and have found no one else.. you could contact her again and see how she's doing. If she seems interested.. why not ask her out again? Timing is important also.. but for sure give her time. It won't work if she's not ready. Good luck bud!
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #9  January 16,2012, 7:31pm
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If you friend-zone yourself, you stand zero% of developing anything later; if you move on and let her find out where she is and come back on her own, you stand a 1% chance.
 
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jme21 is online now jme21 Post #10  January 16,2012, 7:50pm
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Why would you want to be friends with her? Do you want a friend or a romantic partner? Clearly it seems as if it's the latter, if it is, act accordingly. Don't put yourself in the position to be her shoulder to cry on because she'll permanently put you in that spot and you won't ever get what you want out of the deal. Move on, if she feels you're worth pursuing after she's taken the time she needs, she'll be in contact. I wouldn't hold your breath though, honestly, if she's not ready for you now, she likely never will be.
 
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