_westendgirl_ is offline _westendgirl_ Post #91  February 2,2012, 7:01am
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olneyjeeps wrote :
We are largely a function of our experiences. He is shy for a reason. We do not "make" people happy / sad / etc, we trigger them to feel certain ways. Because he probably has (repressed?) reason for being shy, it is imperative that you tread quite lightly and gently probe for the source. As a function of habit, the brain forms synaptic paradigms which, when activated, can (as a functional process) mirror the effects of PTSD. Walking blindly, it is very easy to step on a "land mine".

I feel that communication is the key to any good relationship. As I have noted in numerous other threads, I wholly endorse The Five Languages of Love The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love Languages� as a tool to encourage and encourage understanding of what your mate is perceiving and wanting to "hear".

Wishing you the best!
Thanks. I've looked at the book in Chapters recently. It looks very interesting.
I will give some thought to your points on shyness.
 
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KikiAZ is online now KikiAZ Post #92  February 2,2012, 7:06am
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The love languages book is great. Another endorsement.

(the cover is super cheesy and embarrassing but it's worth it!)
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #93  February 2,2012, 7:31am
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_westendgirl_ wrote :
We are still getting to know each other and right now if feels good. Of course there is still much to know about each other - so far so good though. Isn't that all we can ask for when we are initially seeing someone?

What might sound weak to you or someone else does not feel weak to me. We discussed on our initial meeting what feels right for both of us when we are initially dating someone. We are both happy and good with 1 date a week at first. Which is still the stage we are in. We are both comfortable with (and have done in past relationships) more dates/time together as the relationship develops.
it appears you've had a date or 2 you've enjoyed and thus now have forgotten about the way he treated you at the beginning. Look back over the first few pages of this thread and open your eyes. You are almost no further forward than a month ago.
 
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_westendgirl_ is offline _westendgirl_ Post #94  February 2,2012, 7:54am
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I'm not sure what you are referring to when you state "the way he treated" me. Aside from being shy and his father suddenly passing away at Christmas - there was nothing about how he treated me. He has always been kind, always attentive when we have seen each other or spoke on the phone.

I would disagree that we are almost no further along than a month ago. Just because it's moving at a slower pace does not mean it is not moving forward. Since Christmas - there is kissing, there is touching of arms, hands, there are regular phone calls. We both instigate.
It is moving forward.

While it may not be okay for you...it is okay for me.
 
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_westendgirl_ is offline _westendgirl_ Post #95  February 2,2012, 7:57am
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KikiAZ wrote :
The love languages book is great. Another endorsement.

(the cover is super cheesy and embarrassing but it's worth it!)
Agree on the cheesy cover! But the first chapter was a good read. I think I'll pick it up next time I'm in a Chapters.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #96  February 2,2012, 7:42pm
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_westendgirl_ wrote :
Agree on the cheesy cover! But the first chapter was a good read. I think I'll pick it up next time I'm in a Chapters.
Most importantly, take (from the link I posted) the test (both of you) then DISCUSS!!! You may learn a bunch about yourself that you did not realize (I did)
Last edited by olneyjeeps; February 2,2012 at 8:16pm.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #97  February 2,2012, 8:23pm
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_westendgirl_ I agree with olneyjeeps that the test at the link he provided gives a person and a couple a lot of insight as to how they communicate their love for each other. I know that my now husband JediSoth and I compared our results when we first began dating, and we found it immensely helpful in understanding how to to communicate in a meaningful way with each other.

Take the test, and suggest that your farmer take it as well. You might be surprised how different and yet similar your love languages are and it might help the shy one show you he cares even better.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #98  February 3,2012, 4:40am
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Going a step further: constantly remind yourself what their "language" is... it is far to easy to become complaisant and forget... it takes practice for knowledge to become habit ( as MENSA's girl's big one is "quality time together", I have to remind myself that fixing up stuff in her house (although it is indicative of my desire to perform "acts of service") is not what SHE is looking for. With a marker, I wrote "time" in corner of my bathroom mirror.
 
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_westendgirl_ is offline _westendgirl_ Post #99  February 3,2012, 8:48am
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Thanks! I just took the test - not surprised that I am Quality Time but close is Affirmation. Again, not surprising.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #100  February 6,2012, 2:43pm
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_westendgirl_ wrote :
Thanks! I just took the test - not surprised that I am Quality Time but close is Affirmation. Again, not surprising.
What is important is that your partner is aware of it (and you are aware of how they perceive what you "say").

Discuss, discuss discuss
Understanding is the foundation of communication.
 
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