Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #211  December 30,2011, 8:29am
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Naps are one of life's great joys:)

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DancingFool wrote :
Oh we've read them all. What happens with those guys is exactly what is happening here. You are right, the world is wrong, nobody gets you and everyone hates you and you will argue that to the death or until people give up and walk away from you. Then you cry wolf and wonder why you are alone.

Ironically, guys question you because you are attractive and do not fit into the stereotype of the fat ugly chick who sits in the parent's basement playing games. I'm attractive and I play games and invariably I will get a "No way, really? I can't believe that." Unlike you, I don't take this as an insult or an invitation for a fight nor do I consider this quizzing. I laugh, I say, "I know, right?" Then we talk about what we play, what the latest patch is doing to the game, etc. Nobody is picking a fight or an argument. YOU are the one who reacts negatively and picks a fight and an argument. YOUR personal insecurities see flirty questions as quizzing and insulting to you and your hobby expertise. YOU set the negative tone when someone is trying to talk to you. A skill that you've demonstrated in this thread over and over again.

Think about it. So many people came on and genuinely complimented you, yet not once, not one single time did you accept or acknowledge the compliments or say, "Thank you." No, all you did is scratch everyone's eyes out, argue, deny and tell us that we just don't get it and don't read your posts. According to you, the world is wrong and only you are right. Well maybe, just maybe you should consider that the world is not wrong. It might make your life easier.
If I could, I would put a hundred stars on this answer!
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #212  December 30,2011, 8:33am
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I'm sure you'll figure it out. The only other option is to be alone forever, and most people will change almost anything to avoid that. Good luck.
Last edited by harnomygirl; December 30,2011 at 10:12am.
 
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ShadowChaser is offline ShadowChaser Post #213  December 30,2011, 1:09pm
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alchemistwizard, I hope you'll give what I'm going to say some thought, because I have some understanding of where you're coming from. I came here, I guess a couple of years ago now, asking about similar issues from a male perspective. I'm too geeky to get a date, women don't like nerdy guys, I'm too ugly, and so on. What I got in response was a lot of comments about negative attitude and lack of confidence. Like you, I found it frustrating, because although I didn't really know exactly what sort of advice I was hoping for, that certainly wasn't it.

After some time passed and I got through some immediate issues that were stressing me out (loss of job, moving, etc.), and I spent some time thinking about it, I came to a realization. What I realized was that even if I was right, and it wasn't anything I was doing, women really just didn't like nerdy guys, and I really was ugly, my bad attitude could only contribute to the situation by making it worse. There was no possibility of my negative outlook improving the situation. If women don't like the nerdy guys, they're going to like a bitter, angry one even less. So it's something I've been trying to work on since then.

If we apply that to you, even if you really are ugly, the attitude and behavior issues that have been pointed out can only make things worse. So even if you don't believe they're the main cause of your problems, working on them can only help. If guys really are overlooking your lack of physical appeal for your personality (as you've said they do), they'll be even more likely to do so. If they're actually attracted to you but lose that attraction later due to your attitude, they'll be less likely to do so. Either way, you come out ahead. And if it doesn't help at all, you're already single anyway, so you've lost nothing.

And now, to let the cynical, lonely nerd come back out for a minute. There are very few women who prefer these sorts of guys. There are an even smaller subset of those who actually share their interests like you do. Of those, many are, as DancingFool put it, "fat ugly chicks that sit in the parent's basement." That leaves a very, very small group of average-or-above-looking women who have things in common with nerdy guys and want to date them. In my opinion, from your posted photos, you fall into this category. With the guys you're in the market for, this should give you an absolutely absurd advantage of numbers, from which you should pretty much have your pick of them. To not be getting the benefits of these odds, there must be something you're doing wrong to blow your statistical advantage.

Consider the possibility that you may be wrong about the root cause of the problem, and at least give some of the ideas in the thread a shot before you dismiss them as irrelevant.
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #214  December 30,2011, 1:42pm
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Naps are one of life's great joys:)

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harnomygirl wrote :
I'm sure you'll figure it out. The only other option is to be alone forever, and most people will change almost anything to avoid that. Good luck.

I'll leave the OP with a few quotes...

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"
Eleanor Roosevelt

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes"
Sally Field

"If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price"
Author Unknown
Last edited by Ingytravel; December 31,2011 at 6:30am.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #215  December 31,2011, 6:08am
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Ingytravel wrote :
I was just coming back to post and say thanks for your compliment...but 'poof'...it disappeared...
I decided not to compliment you after all. I did mean it, but we disagree too often for me to feel comfortable leaving it up.
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #216  December 31,2011, 6:17am
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Naps are one of life's great joys:)

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harnomygirl wrote :
I decided not to compliment you after all. I did mean it, but we disagree too often for me to feel comfortable leaving it up.
I understand...we have an image to maintain I shall go change my post to reflect more of my antagonistic behavior
 
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blakehoo is offline blakehoo Post #217  December 31,2011, 8:45am
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harnomygirl wrote :
I decided not to compliment you after all. I did mean it, but we disagree too often for me to feel comfortable leaving it up.
ha ha!
I agreed with Onyjeeps, once.
Know the feeling...
Last edited by blakehoo; December 31,2011 at 9:16am.
 
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Saranghae is offline Saranghae Post #218  February 8,2012, 3:54pm
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I made an account specifically to reply to this board because I've seen this situation quite a number of times.
Within the "nerd" or "geek" community (of which I am a member), there is a misconception among women that BECAUSE you are a girl AND a geek, that geeky men will automatically be attracted to you. This is the "nerd princess" archetype. People assume that because men are nerds, that they have no chance with "normal" girls, and will latch on an worship any geeky girl they come across who is mildly attractive. This is simply untrue. Based on the picture you chose to display (two of which are costumes or cosplay), you are obviously appealing to nerdy guys. That's fine - but I think you are also under the assumption that they will put you on a pedestal because you share their interests. They will not. Though "nerd princesses" do exist, they are almost entirely unrealistic relationships that never amount to anything.
Here is my advice: don't rely on your geeky interests to attract men. You like comic books and video games and you're nerdy - that's fine, and if it comes up in conversation you can carry your own. But rather than being a nerdy girl, be a girl who happens to also be a nerd. There is a huge difference. So, you may want to choose different pictures. You want to keep one cosplay photo? Fine, that is one aspect of your complete package - add more of you in a normal setting. You are reasonably attractive, and as other posters have mentioned, your looks are not the problem.
 
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