My first foray into online dating... Could it be a success already?!?!


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
HIPh2011 is offline HIPh2011 Post #1  November 28,2011, 12:47pm
HIPh2011's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2011

Posts: 2

See profile

Let me begin by describing myself - I am 29 years old, single (of course), college-educated, and handsome by most accounts. I honestly have no trouble meeting women when I go out - However due to my career and general burnout with the "single/available dude at the bar" approach, I opened an account on eHarmony to meet potentially like-minded women who actually want a relationship and not a fling (I bet this sounds familiar). I also chose eH out of the many options because I felt that with the cost of creating an account, perhaps the folks on there would be more apt to seek a meaningful outcome rather than be economical while they power date a few times per week.

Anyway, my story...

After clicking around the website a bit and seeing a few pretty faces, a few promising profiles in terms of interests and personal preferences, and a few "absolutely not's," I sent my questions to someone who would turn out to be the most beautiful girl I've ever dated. Not even exaggerating, this is just my humble opinion. I was talking here and there with a few other girls but once we got past date #2 I wasn't quite interested in anyone else.

But before I get ahead of myself, I first contacted her about a month ago... While I did initiate first contact, she jumped right to email... Ok, fine, maybe she doesn't want to jump through the eH "get to know you" hoops and wants to get right down to real communication - I can appreciate that. The emails back and forth were regular and daily until we decided to exchange information and begin communicating via text/phone.

We agreed to go on our first date a week later, which went well once we both shook off the first-date jitters, and have had two more successful dates since then... In fact from my perspective, each of these has gotten better than the previous one. Also, I have found out that in addition to being an incredibly attractive young lady that she also is laid back and funny, is optimistic, loves and is close with her family, and has a great career. I am quite honestly smitten - She is truly everything I want and I don't believe they come much better than this. I am in disbelief that this girl is actually single and the more I get to know her, the more interested I become.

However, thinking back, it's always been me initiating the discussion on when we will meet up next and what we will do. I don't want to seem like the overly eager guy which I know could be a huge turnoff, but at the same time I don't want to play games and act aloof/disinterested when in fact that is far from the case.

We have our fourth date planned for tomorrow. I would love to just tell her that I am positively sold and would close my online account right then and there if she'd agree to do the same, but I feel as if that boldness may cause her to run away if she wasn't on that same page. I am not sure if she is dating other guys but today I did see that she was active on the website within the past few days - who knows...

In any case, any insight would be greatly appreciated. Do I continue to adopt the "play it cool and see what happens" approach or would it be fortuitous to be honest about my impressions and ask her what her outlook is?

Thanks.
 
  Reply With Quote
BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #2  November 28,2011, 1:08pm
BikerBeagle's Avatar

thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2008

Kansas

Posts: 2,548

See profile

Hmm, a bit too soon to be closing accounts and getting all crazy like that ...I'd give a few more months.

[/quote=HIPh2011]However, thinking back, it's always been me initiating the discussion on when we will meet up next and what we will do.[/quote]Your major concern right now should be this. It's still even a little bit too early to tell, but if you have been initiating *every* conversation up to this point, and that continues through the next few dates/month or so, then ...sorry, she's just not that into you and it really won't matter what you say or when you say it, you'll come off as desperate and over-eager. If she continues to want to use you for entertainment value, she may throw back to you a token "let's go slow" or "I'm not sure" ...but you need to realize that your chances are nil to none past that point.

I'd say, play it cool, gauge her interest in you (through her actions, not her words) and act accordingly.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  November 28,2011, 1:33pm
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,744

See profile

At four dates you are still complete and utter strangers. Cool your jets. Asking to take down the profiles after just a few dates is a bit too much too fast. She may be looking for a relationship but she doesn't know you well enough to know that she wants it with you. If you want to take down your profile, then by all means do it. However, never expect or demand that the other person keep up with your blistering pace. She'll do it in her own time and when she is genuinely ready to do so. That will mean more than you trying to force things and her going along with it temporarily (assuming she doesn't run away first).
 
  Reply With Quote
SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #4  November 28,2011, 1:39pm
SteveManchest…'s Avatar

is too happy

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2010

rainy uk

Posts: 5,026

See profile

sounds like you're doing all the work and she's using you.
 
  Reply With Quote
HIPh2011 is offline HIPh2011 Post #5  November 28,2011, 1:48pm
HIPh2011's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2011

Posts: 2

See profile

Thanks for the feedback everyone... My main question/concern was whether to open the discussion on her outlook in general and whether she is dating other guys, rather than trying to force her to close her profile... My apologies if that wasn't clear in my first post.

It has been gong very well overall and she does initiate the contact (texting, calls) just as much, if not more, than I do... However it has been me saying "How about we meet up this Friday, etc" On more than one occasion she has said things to the effect of "I can't wait to see you," although now I am beginning to doubt how genuine that was.
 
  Reply With Quote
upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #6  November 28,2011, 1:57pm
upstategirl's Avatar

Do you remember when.........?

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2011

NY

Posts: 2,727

See profile

HIPh2011 wrote :
Thanks for the feedback everyone... My main question/concern was whether to open the discussion on her outlook in general and whether she is dating other guys, rather than trying to force her to close her profile... My apologies if that wasn't clear in my first post.

It has been gong very well overall and she does initiate the contact (texting, calls) just as much, if not more, than I do... However it has been me saying "How about we meet up this Friday, etc" On more than one occasion she has said things to the effect of "I can't wait to see you," although now I am beginning to doubt how genuine that was.

Just my 2 cents, but if she is initiating contact with you just as much as you are (or more as you state), then I wouldn't read too much into the fact that you are the one suggesting the actual dates. If she were not interested in you, she would not make the effort to keep in touch with you via phone calls/texts in between dates.

I think you might be over analyzing...........
 
  Reply With Quote
NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #7  November 28,2011, 2:04pm
NYCpigeon's Avatar

There are oceans of feelings between us

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2009

Brooklyn, NY

Posts: 1,199

See profile

If she is as attractive as you say she is, she very well knows this already. Just curious, but how old is she?

I would not bring up the topic unless you have a clear indication that she wants to talk about it. Otherwise you risk turning her off by the appearance of desperation.

Show interest, but no need to show all your cards yet. Too risky.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  November 28,2011, 3:08pm
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,744

See profile

HIPh2011 wrote :
Thanks for the feedback everyone... My main question/concern was whether to open the discussion on her outlook in general and whether she is dating other guys, rather than trying to force her to close her profile... My apologies if that wasn't clear in my first post.

It has been gong very well overall and she does initiate the contact (texting, calls) just as much, if not more, than I do... However it has been me saying "How about we meet up this Friday, etc" On more than one occasion she has said things to the effect of "I can't wait to see you," although now I am beginning to doubt how genuine that was.
Most women initially won't do much more than that. It's really very simple - she contacts you, she returns your calls, she tells you that she likes seeing you and follows that up by going out with you means that so far she likes you. Period.

As for having some kind of a talk....what is there to discuss after just three dates exactly? Your relationship status? Where is this going conversation? You don't yet have a relationship and there is nothing to discuss. Right now you reek of desperation and you don't want her to get a whiff of that. Whether she is dating others or not is really none of your business at this point. When she is ready to stop she will. You need to calm down, stop over analyzing everything and just relax and enjoy the ride.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  November 28,2011, 3:52pm
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,638

See profile

typical newbie-ism.


Trust me you arent the first who felt they met "the one" after a first or second date.

Dont be so quick to close the account.

As for what you say...personally I will do things to "test" them. I dont like being the one who always has to initiate talking or doing things. I want her to initiate on her own.

In the back of my mind I am wondering is she just in it for the free ride? Based on her beauty you describe I think she is the version of a very attractive male who looks as women as a conquest then moves on to the next one. Instead womens conquest is to get free dates and activities until they run the acount dry then move on to the next....or look for the one who will buy her what she wants.
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #10  November 28,2011, 3:58pm
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

HIPh2011 wrote :
Thanks for the feedback everyone... My main question/concern was whether to open the discussion on her outlook in general and whether she is dating other guys, rather than trying to force her to close her profile... My apologies if that wasn't clear in my first post.

It has been gong very well overall and she does initiate the contact (texting, calls) just as much, if not more, than I do... However it has been me saying "How about we meet up this Friday, etc" On more than one occasion she has said things to the effect of "I can't wait to see you," although now I am beginning to doubt how genuine that was.
*sigh* why are you doubting? because you came here to ask a question about it.

with women its words not actions, with men its actions not words. i dont think i can say this enough. not that she can be an unapologetic utter flake, for example, but generally if a woman is receptive to you in the beginning, thats a good thing. my bet is that you may be less attracted to her if she were initiating more or asking you out on dates etc etc.

i would just go with it and if you continue to like each other in a few months ask her to be exclusive. i think this soon is too soon.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« What are We? What do I do?? | Ask a Dating Expert | Planner or not »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Reasons for Online Dating Tim1982 Dating 26 May 23,2011 11:30am
Online Dating 101: Yes, there's a big world out there - and you belong in it. D_Lion Dating 5 April 14,2011 7:51pm
What lessons have you learned from online dating? Arianna1Nation Dating 107 November 15,2010 5:21pm
Do you love or hate dating? BabyYoda Dating 91 November 7,2010 8:50pm
seeing someone you are dating online twizzlestx Ask a Dating Expert 8 October 3,2010 6:20pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Does he date women his own age? Who pays? If he still hasn't called by tonight, should you call him? I can understand his read. It doesn't sound like you'll lose any sleep over Bill if you never ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“JNS - the way I handle these sparse/photoless profiles is to Archive them. If there is no photo, you can send a photo nudge. Also, keep an eye on the updates section on your home page. There it will ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Sparse profiles.” discussion

“ Thank you for your feedback, Sweetnectar. I've actually stopped the smoking thing because I'm not even sure why I do it when drinking. But I've also stopped receiving matches for now! No other ... ” –  Scott_in_LA

Join the “Profile and Pics Review, Please (M/38)” discussion

“List red flags for men Moderators are watching Get back on topic” –  harnomygirl

Join the “RED flags for men” discussion

“Here's the ad. Want your hair blown back? Trojan Vibrations Commercial Neighbors - YouTube You poor thing! Were you bad? Tweet ... This is the one, though now you did make me have to watch all ... ” –  Shelby

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“That's the whole point of me posting here instead of saying all this to him. Because I KNOW it's too much. So that's what I'm saying - I am backing off. I'm not pressing. I put the ball in his court ... ” –  Holiday_HH

Join the “I think I blew it...” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:41pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0