Cubbie72 is offline Cubbie72 Post #1  November 27,2011, 2:08pm
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Okay, so I have been doing online dating for about 6 months and mid October, I met a man that I finally wanted to date. He is really the first guy that I have had a actual relationship with, I've dated casually, but this is the first guy that seemed to have staying power. After our first date, we started going out often. We saw each other 3 or 4 times a week, when our schedules permitted. I have learned that he's an honest, straight-forward dependable person. He met my mom and didn't freak out about that. The last time the we hung out, he came over to my house, we played games, laughed and had a lot of fun. The next morning when we woke up, he didn't feel well. He had stomach cramps of some type but he looked visibly ill. So after a couple hours he finally said that he needed to go home, which I could understand. He said that if he felt better later he would call, and he gave me a kiss and left. I haven't heard from him since. I know that we hadn't been dating long, but I feel that I know him as a person, that if he wanted to end it, he would tell me. I've tried calling a couple times and sent about 5 texts in a span of a week. Part of me is worried that something happened to him, and the other part is astonished because I can't imagine that he would just blow me off without a word. I can't imagine why he would all of a sudden start ignoring me, I hadn't brought up any of the "traditional topics" that might scare him, like where is this going, I want to meet your family, etc. I don't want to give up on him, and at the very least want a response from him. Thoughts and advice would be welcomed.
 
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theluvmonkey is offline theluvmonkey Post #2  November 27,2011, 3:51pm
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love the first thing i would do is to try to find out if he's ok. you didn't mention how long ago this was, other than texting for a week, but I would try to verify if he's at least ok.

If he is ok, then it's up to him if he wants to warrant his disappearance. he could just be highly embarrassed over being ill in front of you. I think there would have been some tale-tale signs that there were issues prior to just poofing.

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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #3  November 27,2011, 5:48pm
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Cubbie72 wrote :
...I know that we hadn't been dating long, but I feel that I know him as a person, that if he wanted to end it, he would tell me. I've tried calling a couple times and sent about 5 texts in a span of a week. Part of me is worried that something happened to him, and the other part is astonished because I can't imagine that he would just blow me off without a word. I can't imagine why he would all of a sudden start ignoring me, I hadn't brought up any of the "traditional topics" that might scare him, like where is this going, I want to meet your family, etc. I don't want to give up on him, and at the very least want a response from him. Thoughts and advice would be welcomed.
I guess he could be hospitalized and unable to return your messages. Short of that, to go from seeing you essentially every other day to not returning your texts and calls for a week or more, suggests to me that he is probably no longer interested.


Is it possible that things might not have been reciprocal? He met your mom, and spent time at your house. Had you been to his home? Had you met any of his friends or family? If you did, and you had a phone number, you could call them. I personally would not, nor would I show up on his doorstep.



You cannot really know someone in 6 weeks or less. You also cannot assume that they would choose to end a relationship in the same responsible, thoughtful manner that you might. Some men (and women) avoid unpleasant conversations like the plague. Who knows if he is such a man? Only time will tell. If he has indeed moved on, you cannot "make" him tell you so, apologize for his behavior, or otherwise do anything. Your opinions will just no longer matter to him.


Best of luck!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  November 27,2011, 5:49pm
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Cubbie72 wrote :
Okay, so I have been doing online dating for about 6 months and mid October, I met a man that I finally wanted to date. He is really the first guy that I have had a actual relationship with, I've dated casually, but this is the first guy that seemed to have staying power. After our first date, we started going out often. We saw each other 3 or 4 times a week, when our schedules permitted. I have learned that he's an honest, straight-forward dependable person. He met my mom and didn't freak out about that. The last time the we hung out, he came over to my house, we played games, laughed and had a lot of fun. The next morning when we woke up, he didn't feel well. He had stomach cramps of some type but he looked visibly ill. So after a couple hours he finally said that he needed to go home, which I could understand. He said that if he felt better later he would call, and he gave me a kiss and left. I haven't heard from him since. I know that we hadn't been dating long, but I feel that I know him as a person, that if he wanted to end it, he would tell me. I've tried calling a couple times and sent about 5 texts in a span of a week. Part of me is worried that something happened to him, and the other part is astonished because I can't imagine that he would just blow me off without a word. I can't imagine why he would all of a sudden start ignoring me, I hadn't brought up any of the "traditional topics" that might scare him, like where is this going, I want to meet your family, etc. I don't want to give up on him, and at the very least want a response from him. Thoughts and advice would be welcomed.
i can almost guarantee you nothing has happened to him.

if you havent been dating long, you probably dont know him well. you may not have brought up traditional topics, but you took him to meet your MOM! that would be way into exclusivity for me like approaching marriage proposal.

i'd let it go. wait a couple of weeks and during this time do NOTHING. if he contacts you, then speak with him briefly ask how he is and dont go on and on about why hasnt he called you what happened etc etc. if he asks you out within a few minutes, great. if he doesnt then just nicely end the call. the most important thing is to never bring up his leaving and not calling. if you do that, kiss everything goodbye or expect an fwb. if he brings it up just say "okay" and change the subject.

seriously sometimes guys do this because they need time to think. sometimes they do it because they *know* you arent *her*. they can be real passive about breaking up, so maybe he wants you to do all the work in that area. its impossible to know which based on what youve posted.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  November 27,2011, 5:50pm
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oh wait. mid october? i'd bet money hes done.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #6  November 28,2011, 12:36pm
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Cubbie72 wrote :
The last time the we hung out, he came over to my house, we played games, laughed and had a lot of fun. The next morning when we woke up, he didn't feel well.
Oh, c'mon, are you really going to make me say it?

...looks like he got what he was after.
 
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