I'm a female, and my best friend is a male. It's a complicated situation.. please help?


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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #11  November 28,2011, 12:11pm
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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This really isn't that complicated at all. He's just not 'into' you the same way you are 'into' him ...and, no, this will never change.

Wonderwoman402 wrote :
You would be best served to cut off communication with him and start actively dating others.
I realize it seems extreme and isn't what you *want* to do, but this is the best advice you can get right now.

Given your state of mind and emotion concerning this guy, you are probably not dating others as you should be - you are stuck on him ...and only him. This is called One-itis and will be devastating to your long-term relationship status ...as in, you will remain single and pining over him for the rest of your life, letting other good candidates pass by unnoticed, even while he goes on and lives a nice, normal, healthy, loving life with someone else.

IF you have talked to him about this as you say you have ...and IF he is fully aware of the situation resulting from your having 'romantic' feelings for him while he has none for you ...and IF he is as good a 'friend' as you say he is, he shouldn't have any problem understanding why you need to break off contact with him.

IF he does have a problem with it, then you need to realize you are exactly right where he wants you to be (purgatory) giving him attention and *whatever* whenever the mood strikes him.

Yes, it will hurt A LOT ...but you will get over it ...and you'll be a whole lot better off for it.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #12  November 28,2011, 12:42pm
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chooses his words carefully. (Most of the time!)

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bnels21 wrote :
He tells me often, that if his life perspective were to change and he did become interested in commitment and marriage, then I would be the person he would commit to. And coming from him, I see that as a big step from what he's said in the past about how he NEVER wanted to even think about relationships, but I feel as if now that he's found me, its something he's considering, and I see it as if I want to be with him I need to be there when he's ready.
Hate to break this to you, but if you were in fact the one who was going to "make him change and be interested in commitment and marriage", then you would have done it already sometime in the past 2 years. Continue thinking it's still a possibility that you can change him, and you'll be flushing YEARS down the drain waiting for it to happen. And it never will.

And you know what the funniest part about my above prediction is? You WILL eventually see him change. You WILL eventually witness him want a commitment and marriage. Except that you'll witness it being with someone else... because that SOMEONE ELSE will truly be the one who changed him... and not simply the one who he's claiming he "maybe-possibly-hopefully-but-not-likely" could change for sometime in the distant future (if she's naive enough to stick around until then, that is).

Feel free to not believe me (and the rest of the posters here) when we say so... It won't make it any less true though.

As for this below quote:

bnels21 wrote :
Not saying I'm revolving my life around him. I do enjoy his company very much, but if I were to meet someone else who met my standards, I would give them a chance as well.
I'll make this as simple as I possibly can: Stop kidding yourself, because that's the only person you're fooling. As long as you're hung up on this guy, you wouldn't recognize "someone else who met your standards" even if he were delivered to you on a silver platter with a big fat neon sign over his head saying "I'm your perfect guy. Apply here!".
 
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