Revealing an STD - Has anyone done this and how did you do it?


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ASHA730 is offline ASHA730 Post #1  November 27,2011, 6:29am
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Im curious to know if anyone here would be willing to share how and when they revealed to a date or potential mate that the he/she had an STD from a previous relationship, such as herpes, HPV, etc.. How did you approach the topic and when did you decide the it was time to discuss? What was his/her reaction and how did you deal with it?
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #2  November 27,2011, 8:44am
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Hi Asha,
I think the only way to reveal something like that is to just be honest and direct. Thats the part that holds no mystery. When to tell someone may hold a bit more uncertainty.... You have no obligation to tell the person you are dating until you are ready to tell them as long as you are not having sex with them. If it takes a week, weeks, a month, whatever the time frame is that is not as important as being honest when the time comes. This is a very personal thing for you and you are not obligated to tell anyone until you are ready. If I were you I would be incredibly knowledgeable about your condition, be confident about what you know, be ready to answer questions, know statistics and don't appear upset or scared when disclosing. Appearing shaken will not be in your favor. It is not easy to try to break through social stigma and "enlighten" others on a taboo subject and 99% of the time very minor issue, but that leaves you to only be accepted by the more compassionate, logical and confident men in the end, no?
Good luck
 
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jimmyh452 is online now jimmyh452 Post #3  November 28,2011, 8:11am
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ASHA730 wrote :
Im curious to know if anyone here would be willing to share how and when they revealed to a date or potential mate that the he/she had an STD from a previous relationship, such as herpes, HPV, etc.. How did you approach the topic and when did you decide the it was time to discuss? What was his/her reaction and how did you deal with it?
You ARE OBLIGATED to tell them BEFORE getting physical.

Not sure HPV counts though. Doesn' almost everyone have it? I don't think anyone would have ever heard of it if it wasn't for big pharma pushing a fear campaign and then adressing that fear with their ready made miracle "cancer vaccine" which incidently protects against like one out of many hundreds of HPV strains....
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #4  November 28,2011, 10:39am
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[QUOTE=jimmyh452;1458207]You ARE OBLIGATED to tell them BEFORE getting physical.

[QUOTE]
Relax there jump to conclusions jimmy, the OP never said they wouldn't disclose before getting physical. Assuming they are taking the time to come here and ask says more than most people in their sitch.
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #5  November 28,2011, 11:27am
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jimmyh452 wrote :
...Not sure HPV counts though. Doesn' almost everyone have it? I don't think anyone would have ever heard of it if it wasn't for big pharma pushing a fear campaign and then adressing that fear with their ready made miracle "cancer vaccine" which incidently protects against like one out of many hundreds of HPV strains....
Are you serious?!?

HPV absolutely counts, as do the very real consequences of infection--cervical cancer and genital warts. Not everyone is infected. Let's keep it that way!

We really need to move beyond conspiracy theories for incurable STIs. And yes...in case you were wondering, HIV is also real. It too is not a fantastical construct created by fear-mongering marketers and jaded governments with ulterior motives, as the ill-informed once proposed to the detriment of millions.

Regarding the original question, as the person receiving this information, I would want to hear it either:
  1. Well in advance of becoming physical (waiting until our clothes are off to say, "Oh, BTW, I have XXX" would be unacceptable)
  2. When it looks like dating might turn into a relationship

...whichever comes first.

I do not necessarily need to hear it in our very first conversation. Whenever intimacy comes up as a topic would be the most natural time to mention it IMO. Waiting longer would make me worry that you have other skeletons, and I would not be able to trust you.

Arm yourself with the facts about your infection and what you need to do to minimize your partner's risk. This way, you'll be able to address any questions or misconceptions he might have.

Best of luck!
 
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jimmyh452 is online now jimmyh452 Post #6  November 28,2011, 11:37am
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[QUOTE=EccentricAmbiguity;1458309][QUOTE=jimmyh452;1458207]You ARE OBLIGATED to tell them BEFORE getting physical.

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Relax there jump to conclusions jimmy, the OP never said they wouldn't disclose before getting physical. Assuming they are taking the time to come here and ask says more than most people in their sitch.
I meant that as a general statement. Not directed ot the OP or anyone else in particular. Just anyone who knows they have an STD is, in my opinion, OBLIGATED to make it known beforehand.
 
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jimmyh452 is online now jimmyh452 Post #7  November 28,2011, 11:49am
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emma_hazards wrote :
Are you serious?!?

HPV absolutely counts, as do the very real consequences of infection--cervical cancer and genital warts. Not everyone is infected. Let's keep it that way!

We really need to move beyond conspiracy theories for incurable STIs. And yes...in case you were wondering, HIV is also real. It too is not a fantastical construct created by fear-mongering marketers and jaded governments with ulterior motives, as the ill-informed once proposed to the detriment of millions.
There are over 200 known strains of HPV. only one or two cause cancer. The vast vast majority of HPV has absolutely no symptoms and thus isn't really a disease. If you have genital warts you sure know it and should communicate it to you partner as "I have genital warts" not I have "HPV". Only 2 of the 200+ strains cause genital warts.

Only about 2 or so of the 200+ strains cause cervical cancer.

It would make much much more sense to tell a partner you have type 16 or 18 HPV (i.e. i have the cancer causing HPV) or I have cauliflower growing on my nether regions than to just say HPV, which in most cases means absolutely nothing.

And yes, big pharma is raking in billions over an ill tested, rushed to market vaccine that hasn't yet been proven to do much of anything other than kill a couple dozen young girls.
 
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ASHA730 is offline ASHA730 Post #8  November 28,2011, 6:54pm
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EccentricAmbiguity wrote :
Hi Asha,
I think the only way to reveal something like that is to just be honest and direct. Thats the part that holds no mystery. When to tell someone may hold a bit more uncertainty.... You have no obligation to tell the person you are dating until you are ready to tell them as long as you are not having sex with them. If it takes a week, weeks, a month, whatever the time frame is that is not as important as being honest when the time comes. This is a very personal thing for you and you are not obligated to tell anyone until you are ready. If I were you I would be incredibly knowledgeable about your condition, be confident about what you know, be ready to answer questions, know statistics and don't appear upset or scared when disclosing. Appearing shaken will not be in your favor. It is not easy to try to break through social stigma and "enlighten" others on a taboo subject and 99% of the time very minor issue, but that leaves you to only be accepted by the more compassionate, logical and confident men in the end, no?
Good luck
Thanks EA. I appreciate the input.
 
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