"match" still going online to Match

Every now and then I'll get curious and peek in on him ... not going to his page, but looking at his thumbnail in my "who's viewed me" to see if he's been active. And more times than not it says "active within 24 hours".

I just don't get guy behaviour on this topic enough to make a sound judgment call.

The behavior is the same as yours.....When you are "peeking in on him"...your (only hidden, not canceled) profile will also say: "active within 24 hours".....That's what he would see if he were "peeking in on you".....

Oh Lordie, are you serious? That's funny. I think it's time, then, for pot to not call kettle black and cancel membership.

Of course it says the same thing....maybe he is going online spying on you just as you are doing to him. Don't ever snoop if you are not prepared for the information you might discover. If you don't trust him over this, are you sure you have the trust you need to move forward?

I always scratch my head as this type of thread...

OCgal....I'm assuming that you all have been intimate by now? If so...I really don't get why you wouldn't just sit down and have an actual conversation about this kind of thing. Asking how he feels the relationship is going...even discussing that you would like to take your profile down (as obviously you haven't done this like he hasn't)...

I mean..why are people so afraid of simple conversations???

Talking about something is not an ultimatum...Talking about what YOU are going to do and take your profile down as you are willing to put 100% to see where this relationship goes....is not an ultimatum.

It's one thing to discuss this after one week of dating...It's quite another if you all are having sex..exchanging I love yous....dating for months...having your kids meet each other...etc.

But sitting around assuming...worrying....snooping....is just not a mature and healthy way to have a relationship.

As Red has mentioned...if you truly don't trust him at this point and think he is actually dating or sleeping with others...then there is no point going forward.

Hey everyone,

I met a man on match.com 3-4 months ago and we've begun slowly getting more and more serious. He brought up exclusivity and has said the "L" word a handful of times. He has referred to me as his girlfriend and him as my boyfriend numerous times and I'll usually reciprocate the comment at some point, if not then. He's a solid, stable man with a respectable career and solid values and ethics. I've witnessed this in him ... it's not something he offers about himself. This is an important trait with regard to my end question below.

We're both widows with young kids and cautious of moving too fast for our kids' sakes (meaning we don't talk about getting married as a goal except that it is a few years out for either one of us). We have a blast together, talk and text multiple times each day and, all in all, have begun building an awesome relationship. I really look forward to being with him, and I believe vice versa. I know he's slow and cautious ... he was slow and cautious with his wife when they met and said it took him 4-6 months to know that truly she was "it" with regard to long-term potential and they didn't get engaged and marry for a few years after that. He's skeptical by nature and takes his time "testing theories" so to speak. I've know this about him and have been fine with that because men I've met online all seem to want to get married NOW.

I also know he's the type (well, because he says he's the type) to only date one person and he prefers to put all his efforts into that one person and ride it out either until it doesn't work or until he knows she's it. Since his wife passed away (a month after my husband passed, 2 1/2 years ago) I know he's dated one or two gals for a few months, but I don't believe anything as serious as what we've begun building. I've dated one other person fairly seriously but it was a losing situation and so I ended it (long, irrelevant story to this post).

SO, here's the rub. I hid my profile on match and have not replied to anyone who's been interested, not even to say I'm off the market, but wonder if I should have at least given that courtesy. Every now and then I'll get curious and peek in on him ... not going to his page, but looking at his thumbnail in my "who's viewed me" to see if he's been active. And more times than not it says "active within 24 hours". Lately it's been going for longer timeframes, most recently "active within 5 days".

I haven't said anything to him, because I am not the ultimatum type. I don't want someone to quit something because I said quit. I want someone to quit something because they want to and because (with regard to match) they are no longer curious. Plus, what if he's going on match to see if I'm still active? I don't want to seem like I'm accusing him of still playing the interested-field while seeing where things go with me. I mean, afterall, technically I, too, go onto match, even if it's to see what he's doing (gosh that sounds sad).

I have one good guy friend who doesn't think it's a big deal and that he may just be curious.

But don't ya think if he's the one initiating exclusivity with me and saying I love you to me that he wouldn't be interested in going on match?

And how do I bring this up with him in a non-confrontational manner? Should I say something like, "Hey, I took my profile down...have you?"

I just don't get guy behaviour on this topic enough to make a sound judgment call.