"match" still going online to Match


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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #11  November 27,2011, 2:11pm
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OCgal wrote :
I completely, 100% trust that he and I are exclusive. I don't even for a second think he's actively dating or sleeping with other women, not even a tiny bit insecure on that point.
are you sure? i mean, just becasue a guy says that he doesnt like to date more than one woman it does not mean hes not still looking... or meeting women.

i just didnt get that from your op. i kinda got some evasiveness from him. but hey, if i'm wrong i'm wrong.
 
 
OCgal is offline OCgal Post #12  November 27,2011, 3:04pm
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :

but me personally, I wouldn't be very hopeful if I was in a relationship with someone and in the knowledge that they are logging in regularly to a dating site.

Whenever I used match and thought I'd met someone who I'd want to go long term with, I deleted my account. As a man I just about found value in having an account with that site when seeking dates but when no looking that site is one where I'd want nothing more to do with it.
See, that's what I'm talking about and, yes, Nannette, we have definitely had the exclusive talk, brought up by him, but yes, I do feel he's been evasive or at the very least non-inclusive, and that is what is making it hard for me to decipher. I can't tell if he's just the slow, methodical, baby-step type guy and all great things in due time, or if he's being somewhat evasive and/or elusive because he's not sold on me (which is what going on to match would indicate).

We went to church this morning, he went out of his way to say hello to some friends of his while I was with him, showed some PDA and, later, we made plans to go out tomorrow evening. It wasn't appropriate to bring this up at church (both our sets of kids were in kidcare and time wouldn't have been too crunched to chat), so tomorrow I'll talk to him about all of this. I love the suggestions you guys have offered in how to approach it. THanks.

My hunch is that he's in to me and means it when he expresses it, but that he's not fully sold on me and not all-in. Now, I've got to decide what I want to do with that answer when I ask the question.

Maybe I should just bury my head in the sand. Works for ostriches.
 
 
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #13  November 27,2011, 4:35pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
The behavior is the same as yours.....When you are "peeking in on him"...your (only hidden, not canceled) profile will also say: "active within 24 hours".....That's what he would see if he were "peeking in on you".....
If her profile is hidden, he's not going to be able to find it/see it to see that she's been "active within 24 hours."
 
 
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #14  November 27,2011, 6:13pm
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Not quite. There is a work-around, so Wiseman is right. If you look under the list of who viewed you, the person's thumbnail continues to show up with when s/he last logged in to the site...at least until you delete the person off your list. In this case the OP's boyfriend would have to delete the OP's thumbnail from his "who's viewed you list." Only then would he be unable to tell when she logged in. Now why would he do that if he wanted to snoop on her without her knowing?

It's been a source of much tears and frustration for a couple of my friends who decided to snoop stealthily on their SOs that they met on the site. The whole "but my profile is hidden" explanation was no solace.

Seems we often snoop because we don't trust someone, then forget to prepare for our suspicions to be true.
 
 
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #15  November 27,2011, 8:55pm
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emma_hazards wrote :
Not quite. There is a work-around, so Wiseman is right. If you look under the list of who viewed you, the person's thumbnail continues to show up with when s/he last logged in to the site...at least until you delete the person off your list. In this case the OP's boyfriend would have to delete the OP's thumbnail from his "who's viewed you list." Only then would he be unable to tell when she logged in. Now why would he do that if he wanted to snoop on her without her knowing?

It's been a source of much tears and frustration for a couple of my friends who decided to snoop stealthily on their SOs that they met on the site. The whole "but my profile is hidden" explanation was no solace.

Seems we often snoop because we don't trust someone, then forget to prepare for our suspicions to be true.

Interesting. I had no idea you stayed on such lists after your profile was hidden. Seems like it kind of defeats the purpose of hiding! (Not that that's the only purpose.....)
 
 
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #16  November 28,2011, 6:18am
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It excludes you from searches.... that's it...There is no real privacy with any internet medium....it's always a two way street.
Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Seems like it kind of defeats the purpose of hiding!
 
 
Thomasina13 is offline Thomasina13 Post #17  May 19,2012, 7:23am
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I think you should talk to him about it. Normally, I hate this kind of advice, but in this circumstance, you two need to discuss what is going on. He needs to know that you know. Why? Because then he can decide if he wants to give up the "looking" game, or if he wants to continue creating a knot in your stomach. If he's trying to check to see if there is someone better out there, then he will know that you know that, and then you can decide if you want to continue putting your hopes in someone who wants to keep looking for that something better. If it's a simple mistake, and he is posted as being "online within 24 hours" simply by clicking on the weekly emails they send out, then he will do the right thing and delete his profile. There is nothing wrong with your checking up on his profile, especially if you two are intimate. Sometimes, we like to be kids in the candy shop and continue looking, and sometimes having an adult conversation about it is the best way to clear the air. If he isn't trustworthy, it'll come out. If he is, he'll delete, as you have.
 
 
brokensmile76 is online now brokensmile76 Post #18  May 19,2012, 8:25am
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You're only going to get some resolution if you come forth and be honest about what you are expecting from the relationship.

My issue is that I never want to direct a person on what to do in order to make me feel secure. I don't want to have to ask a man to stop looking on dating sites and to delete his profiles. I feel a man that is serious about me would do those things without me having to ask it of him. It should be his innate reaction because he feels it's the right thing to do.
 
 
AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #19  May 19,2012, 10:27am
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I'm closing this thread because the OP is about a specific situation and the age of the thread. Feel free to start a new thread on a similar topic if you want to.
 
 
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