first date rules for long distance dating


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starfire1117 is offline starfire1117 Post #1  November 25,2011, 7:10am
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A guy I've been communicating with plans on flying in to my area to meet up. It's a 6hr flight, plus he's never visited the area, so he'll probably stay a few days to see the sights. Is it ok to expect him to get a hotel? Do I need to pick him up and drop him off at the airport?
What are the "rules" in this sort of situation???
 
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legendwho? is offline legendwho? Post #2  November 25,2011, 7:36am
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The first smart thing you did was having him meet in your neck of the woods because it sounds like you are a newbie with long distance dating. I say this because I have read posts on the eha site wherein women went off to meet a guy on a first date after communicating for weeks/months and the guy never showed up. One poster did not do her research and did not have a plan B and wound up sitting in her hotel room for two days with nothing to do, just waiting to get back to the airport and leave. I also had a friend who went off to meet a guy in his city and when the date went horribly wrong she was left to fend for herself because she allowed the guy to reserve the room for her and when the date did not go well, he cancelled the reservation. She had to sleep in the airport for two nights until her flight arrived because it was a holiday weekend and no rooms were available in the area she was in (extreme case, I'm sure). With all that said, it is okay to pick him up at the airport, but I prefer it if he chooses a hotel near the airport, I meet him at the airport, we have a quick bite to eat in the area, and then he takes a cab back to the hotel (alone) on the first night. Sorry, but I may be a bit jaded living in NYC but I don't allow strangers in my car, even men who I think I know from weeks of communicating; and I'm fortunate to live in a city where airports are easy to get to without a car (traffic is horrendous here near aiprorts so even when I travel I never drive to the airport). Not to mention a fully functional subway system that can get me and my date to anyhwere in the city without a car. If you are comfortable picking him up and taking him to the hotel, so be it. If you can meet him and then have him take a cab and meet the next day for a full day of activities, try that. Only you know what kind of guy he is, and if not sure or if you get bad vibes once you meet him at the airport, follow your gut feelings, and use common sense. Be safe and I hope the visit goes well! (*smile*)
Last edited by legendwho?; November 25,2011 at 10:05am. Reason: typos
 
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Immerito is offline Immerito Post #3  November 25,2011, 7:54am
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The only "rules" are the typical ones for online dating. You don't know this man. He is a stranger to you. You cannot truly know a match until you communicate with him in person.

He should get his own accommodations. Do NOT take him to your place.

Whether you pick him up and/or drop him off in your vehicle is up to the two of you. For the first meet-up, I strongly encourage that you both take separate transportation, for your safety. After that, it is up to you.

Ultimately, this is something the two of you need to discuss, preferably before money is plunked down for this meet-up.
 
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theluvmonkey is offline theluvmonkey Post #4  November 25,2011, 8:20am
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Regardless of how close you may feel in email/text/phone, you're still strangers.

I can understand that maybe conversations have become heated and you've decided that you want to move things forward, but as us men say "don't let the little head do all the thinking".

Keep it casual, let fate do it's thing. He absolutely need his own place, and not to have any expectations.

Plan on meeting at different places for dates. He doesn't need to know the area, have him bring a GPS or take a cab.

Is he married? Have there been any red flags that things aren't as they appear?

Use caution, but proceed. I met someone from 4,000 miles away, but with both agreed it would be at a public place. There was no expectation, regardless of what had taken place in the previous years of chatting. There's no need to rush into shacking up, unless that's just what you need for now.
 
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Buck is offline Buck Post #5  November 25,2011, 9:27am
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IMHO it would be presumptuous of him to expect to sleep at your place, sight unseen. As for transportation, I've had that go both ways without any issues. Good luck!
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #6  November 25,2011, 10:07am
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The rules are:
Hotel...not your place....avoid his hotel room.
Cab....not your vehicle....take your own vehicle to meet him.
Meet in public areas /eateries.
At this point you know nothing real about him..including as stated below, could be married, etc.
Don't be this guys bed and breakfast / tour guide / chauffeur.....

Just act and meet as if any other first time.....Good Luck...
starfire1117 wrote :
A guy I've been communicating with plans on flying in to my area to meet up. he'll probably stay a few days to see the sights.

Is it ok to expect him to get a hotel? Do I need to pick him up and drop him off at the airport?
What are the "rules" in this sort of situation???
Agree, this exactly:
theluvmonkey wrote :
Regardless of how close you may feel in email/text/phone, you're still strangers.

Keep it casual, let fate do it's thing. He absolutely need his own place, and not to have any expectations.

Plan on meeting at different places for dates. He doesn't need to know the area, have him bring a GPS or take a cab.

Is he married? Have there been any red flags that things aren't as they appear?
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #7  November 25,2011, 10:08am
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I have more long-distances dates than local; I have met on my turf most times. their turf and neutral territory on other occasions. I have never been asked to pick a first date up at the airport. although I have dropped off after a successful weekend.
I have never asked anyone to stay at my place, not until a serious relationship was established.

Almost all hotels have a restaurant or a bar; I have always found it simple and effective to meet initially at the hotel bar, and proceed from there. (of course there was the one time that after one drink we proceeded straight to the elevator and didn't leave the hotel for the rest of the weekend, but that is a different thread.)

The only rules are those of safety, common sense and common courtesy, which should apply to any and all dates, regardless of distance. Be smart, DON'T set your expectations to anything other than a pleasant visit, and enjoy yourself.
 
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legendwho? is offline legendwho? Post #8  November 25,2011, 10:16am
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Immerito wrote :
The only "rules" are the typical ones for online dating. You don't know this man. He is a stranger to you. You cannot truly know a match until you communicate with him in person.

He should get his own accommodations. Do NOT take him to your place.

Whether you pick him up and/or drop him off in your vehicle is up to the two of you. For the first meet-up, I strongly encourage that you both take separate transportation, for your safety. After that, it is up to you.

Ultimately, this is something the two of you need to discuss, preferably before money is plunked down for this meet-up.
I wholly agree. I have traveled for a first meet, and had no problems because I always do my research ahead of time about where I am going, what tourist attractions are in the area, dining, movies, etc. This affords me the opportunity for a plan A, B,and C; just in case he gets cold feet and doesn't show up or if the first meets goes really bad (been there, done that). In addition, I've had men meet me in my city for a first meet with no problems because we decide ahead of time transportion, accomodations, and each other's expectations. Sometimes, once a man realizes he absolutely, positively will not be picked up in my car, or be staying at my house, his interest wanes and goes *poof* into the night and the hole he came from. And that is always perfectly fine with me because he saved me the trouble of needing to pull my can of mace out of my bag during or after the date! (lol). It is all about comfort level and knowing thine self. I do not allow myself to be bullied, intimidated or cajoled into an uncomfortable position. Once you've done this a few times you get pretty adept at it and it all comes together safely and seamlessly. Great advice Buck!
 
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legendwho? is offline legendwho? Post #9  November 25,2011, 10:57am
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Immerito wrote :
The only "rules" are the typical ones for online dating. You don't know this man. He is a stranger to you. You cannot truly know a match until you communicate with him in person.

He should get his own accommodations. Do NOT take him to your place.

Whether you pick him up and/or drop him off in your vehicle is up to the two of you. For the first meet-up, I strongly encourage that you both take separate transportation, for your safety. After that, it is up to you.

Ultimately, this is something the two of you need to discuss, preferably before money is plunked down for this meet-up.
I responded to your post but it is lost in ehahahaha mod-land. Anyhoo, if and when it shows up I just wanted to say "Great post!"
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #10  November 27,2011, 1:43pm
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until you have met him he's a stranger. I can't believe you'd even entertain the idea of offering a bed to someone you haven't even met.

I've done it. but then.... I'm a big strong man!

and..... I regret it because stuff ended up being stolen from my house!
 
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