Love me is offline Love me Post #1  November 19,2011, 6:59pm
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Should a guy be expected to pay for a first date? Should it even be considered a first date if you plan to meet eachother out for a casual drink or two, things go well (conversation and such) and then when it comes time to settle up, he doesn't offer to pay for you?

How about when you know you had a nice time with someone and the sparks were there but there is no plan for another date? What I got instead was a text the next day that asked me if I miss him and then later (at 6:00 pm) he aksed what I was doing that night. I responded "not sure yet" and that was the last I've heard from him.

So my question - Is Chivalry dead or really - am I expecting too much?
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #2  November 19,2011, 7:03pm
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Love me wrote :
So my question - Is Chivalry dead or really - am I expecting too much?
Almost, and Yes.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #3  November 19,2011, 7:15pm
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In my experience, if a guy wants to impress me, he pulls out his most chivalrous self to do so. If he doesn't then he's either luke warm about me or doens't know any better.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  November 19,2011, 7:19pm
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I don't think you are expecting too much. I think you and this person are not on the same page, however. Not every man we meet will have the same expectations for how the dating courtship should go. In this case he seems to be not making you a priority and trying to schedule last minute plans with you. This, to me, shows a lack of interest in anything more than casual.
 
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Rise is offline Rise Post #5  November 19,2011, 7:44pm
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It doesn't show a lack of interest. Many see it as an unnecessary custom.
 
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UKUSCanuk is offline UKUSCanuk Post #6  November 19,2011, 7:51pm
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Dating customs have changed and are continually changing. I never assume that a man will pay for our date and I always put forth my share when the bill comes.

A second date request is more complex. If one of you does not suggest it at the end of the first date, make sure you make your interest clear in subsequent communications.

If you are interested, make it obvious.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  November 20,2011, 3:26am
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This is the age old question, however, his response tells you something about him.....or his interpretation of the encounter.
As far as the text... game playing nonsense. Given the actions so far, you can assess whether you want to bother with this.. Good Luck...
Love me wrote :
Should it even be considered a first date if you plan to meet each other out for a casual drink and then when it comes time to settle up, he doesn't offer to pay for you?

What I got instead was a text the next day that asked me if I miss him and then later (at 6:00 pm) he asked what I was doing that night.
 
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Love me is offline Love me Post #8  November 20,2011, 3:50am
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Thank you all for your comments. This is my first post on here and it feels good to get some feedback. This was my first date in a long while where I actually felt some sparks on my end too.

After texting and talking with this guy for 2 months, I reminded him nicely that I am looking for dates and a relationship. He picked the day for our first meeting and even told me that he was surprised I lasted this long but also that he wasn't worried. He was sure there would be sparks between us.

I guess I felt like he was being a tease and playing games when he asked what I was doing that next night but didn't respond after I answered him. Btw - I did make sure to tell him earlier that day that I enjoyed myself and that I looked forward to seeing him. AND - during our 2 months of texting, he was always very good with answering his texts right away.

He is 39 and I am 38. He says he is looking for a relationship. Maybe I just need to learn how to play the game better...
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #9  November 20,2011, 4:26am
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Texting for 2 months?... Yes...he is just playing games, multitasking / multidating, etc. You don't need to play this guys silly games.. Move on to more sincere matches...Good Luck...
Love me wrote :
texting and talking with this guy for 2 months
I guess I felt like he was being a tease and playing games Maybe I just need to learn how to play the game better...
 
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Love me is offline Love me Post #10  November 20,2011, 4:59am
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Thanks again Wise Man. That's pretty much where I saw this going. Sometimes I question whether I am being too difficult or too easy on these guys. Ugggg.... I'm ready to be done with the dating scene. lol
 
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